Probability of Demise

Welcome adventurers to Probability of Demise, the podcast where critical fumbles meet critical facepalms. Join us as we delve into the darkest dungeons, slay the stupidest gremlins, and roll enough ones to make a beholder weep. Forget epic storylines and heroic deeds, here we celebrate the chaotic beauty of bad roles, questionable decisions, and characters with more charisma than sense.

We'll be your dungeon masters of disappointment, guiding you through campaigns where the only guaranteed treasure is a mountain of laughter, and maybe some psychic scarring. So grab your nat 1 dice, strap on your anxiety helmets, and prepare to witness the glorious trainwreck that is our D and D journey.

Because, in the end Even if your character dies face first into a pile of pudding, at least you'll have the Dice God's permission to laugh your ass off.

Hey, welcome to Probability of Mice, the best show you've ever seen or loved or wanted to be a part of. All here just for you so you could like, subscribe, and leave comments about this world. Changing and upsetting event, but before we go to something as depressing as the death of all three characters at once, because of a wish spell gone awry, let's hear a word from our major sponsor.

Word of the day.

I'm the word of the day. Um, I mean, I'm not the word. The word is not Jessica. Um, I do the word of the day. I do words of the day. Uh, I have once again rolled the Magical D100. And I have rolled a 47 today. Alright. And today's word is

Antipen Nope. Nope. You got this. You got it. Split it into two. Antipenultipit.

Nope. Almost!

How hard is this word for someone with a speech impediment to say? Um, alright, , today's word is antepenultimate.

I'm sorry I, this was hard. You did so good though.

Such a good word. It's such a good word. And this incredibly fancy, hard to say word means. Like in a list of things, it is the third from the last, so not, not second to last, but that third of the last, and used in a sentence. Oh, I gotta say it again. Here we go. You can do it. As the party climbed the ancient tower, they paused on the antepenultimate floor, knowing the final battle awaited for them just two levels above.

Heyo! Well done! Big word. Biggest word, I think, of the campaign. It's the biggest word of the day.

Also, biggest event of the campaign, because last time we made a wish.

When you look around the spaces and places of Overton and Underton, things have changed quite a bit. The people have changed, the sheer amount of magic has changed, and the overall world has changed. Overton is truly, truly different. It was once a bastion of magic and innovation. But now it's a city that is fractured.

It's skyline a dizzying tableau of opulence and neglect. There are sleek, crystalline sky citadels, playgrounds of the ascended and their sycophants, piercing the clouds and casting shadows upon those who eke out an existence precariously on cliff sides and the flatlands of Overton itself. In the neighborhood of cragside crowds, a vibrant tapestry of beings lives as the magic that floats their homes ebbs and flows.

Street vendors hawk enchanted trinkets and potions, the rhythmic clang of hammers and the hiss of steam from alchemical concoctions fills the air. Here, in Celia's cell shy spirits and sundries, we meet Ulua, a half orc, half elf, with a curvy figure and a penchant for luxurious red silks. and gold satins.

Ulua is known for her charisma and her ability to move through the city with grace and discretion. In the Whispering Bazaar, a bustling marketplace of ancient artifacts and enchanted goods, we find Seraphina, a bright green Tiefling with wild curly hair and multiple sets of horns adorned with jewels.

Seraphina is an aspiring artificer, always tinkering with new inventions in her dimly lit gear filled workshop. Meanwhile, in the shadowed neighborhood of Undercroft, we find Gus, Gus, a deep gnome with aged skin and a full beard, white, sitting at the end of the bar in the starving artist's tavern. Gus, a former investigator, now enjoys a quieter life surrounded by art supplies and the occasional mug of shadow stout.

Gus, as you're sipping your beverage, you see a letter has been slipped under your tankard. Creased many ways, folded many directions. Gus, And as you look a little bit closer, you can see that there are actually two slips of paper.

Okay. Um, I will pull them out gently so I don't like rip them from the dampness of the mug. And then open the top one? You open the top one. My sweetest Serafina. If this somehow doesn't work, and you don't remember me, there are some things you need to know that I know to be true. You are absolutely brilliant.

You're fearsomely loyal to your friends and family, and I love you so much for that. You're witty and cheeky, and I wish for you to never doubt that you're absolutely meant to do anything you set your mind to. I also want to thank you. For showing me that I can be loved when I am not wearing my professional mask.

For loving me with all my faults and despite all my mistakes. If this somehow turns out in a way that we never meet and don't know each other, I hope you find someone who loves you just the way you are and as ardently as I do. You deserve it. I will love you in every lifetime and every timeline. Yours always.

You don't know who these people are. This is written, and has been misdelivered.

Pulling up the second piece, Ulua. I'm not totally sure what to say or even how to start this, but if this crazy plan of Gus's doesn't work, for the record, I believe in him and I think this will work. But I want you to know that I care about you in ways I never thought I would be able to care for someone, and I am so glad I was able to share a few moments with you and express how I felt.

It's crazy to think someone as beautiful and talented as you, and as amazing as you could even give someone as lame as me the time of day. But, to go so far as to kiss me back, gives me butterflies just thinking about it. If we don't remember each other. Hi, my name is Serafina Tahir. I am a really weird teething girl with big crazy hair who is in love with you and has not been able to fully express it to you.

There's no need to come to find me because I'm going to come find you, Serafina.

Oh shit, I think my plan didn't work because I have no idea who these people are.

As we zoom out of the space of a confounded, Gusunden Schniffel

We'll zoom the camera out a bit and pan across the city. Where are we going? The bazaar? Or the crowds.

Wait, uh, how do we, we go one, two, three, then do the thing. Yes, that's how I prefer it. Okay. Okay. So we have rock, paper, and scissor. Okay. Okay. Okay. You count, you count. No, no, no. Rurik, Rurik, count. Start with zero. I go zero, one, two, three, and then we'll go. Cause then we'll start on, we'll go on one, but it'll give you the heads up.

Okay? Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Zero. One. Two. Three. I lose. Okay, I'm next. That went way better than the last time we tried to do that. Yeah, it did.

Ulua, you just finished watching this amazing performance. You're in your kind of quiet, off duty garb, relaxing. Silly's been moving around, sharing with folks. Oh, darling, let's pick this up right over here. Just having a good time, enjoying herself. Oh, here. Uh, excuse me, uh, my dear. She taps you on the shoulder.

I, I know, I, I'm gonna, I'll get, get your drink refreshed. Oh, you look so gorgeous today. She keeps moving along. And as she passes by, and the distraction that she, she provided was enough distraction that you can see some crumpled, slightly. Unfolded pieces of paper have been placed before you and your eye catches a glimmer of an iridescent tattoo on a finger as one of the children who deliver messages in this area slips along and then you see them pop over the windowsill and you don't catch much more than that.

Man, Nicole, I mean, just talk to Oksana.

I, um, I grab one of them. Uh, are they left, right, top, bottom? One is a little bit longer than the other. It's a couple pages long. Uh And one is shorter. How much of my drink is left? Uh, not enough. You've actually been nursing the bottom while you wait for Celia to get a chance to get back to you. You know she's gonna get back to you, but The set just ended.

Lots of drinks to refill. Then I'll do the short one, and then I'll save the long one for once I have a new drink.

Gus, it has been absolutely crazy to get to work alongside my brother's idol, and I just know that he would have been so happy to have known that you were exactly as awesome as he thought you were. I believe in you wholeheartedly, and I think this crazy plan of yours is going to work. Something crazy will happen because it's the three of us, but I know deep down I'm never going to forget you.

Seraphina.

Definitely not for me. I'll have to, um, I'll have to check in with Oksana about if there's a way to get this back to Hey, Cease! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, here. Oh, I got it. Here. And she has a little carafe that is like the refill for your drink. And she just starts pouring it into your drink. Oh, uh, thanks. Um, I gotcha, I gotcha.

Sorry about that. Anything else? Yeah, quick question. Um, I got this letter and, uh, it's definitely not for me. Uh, how do I go about getting it back to one of the kids so that they can get it to the right person? That doesn't happen. That's not how the magic works. That's not how the tattoos work. I mean, it's it's not addressed to me.

It's addressed to someone named Gus. I

think you're confused. Read it more carefully. I'm sure that it's, it's got to be, it's just kind of like, they never misdeliver. I hold it up in front of her eyes.

My name isn't anywhere on here. Well, that's weird. So

I swear I saw the kid. They had the glowing tattoo, didn't they? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's for you. You just got to figure it out. It's probably one of your. It's probably related to, you know, the, uh, Yeah, but I don't, I mean, even code names doesn't look, okay. All right. All right. Well, if anything, I can ask, ask Oksana about it, I guess.

Maybe she, maybe it's code names, but it does mention a plan. So, okay. And then I, uh, uh, thanks. No problem. And, uh, it looks like you got more there. Yeah. Got another one, but hopefully it's not from the same person, or for the same person, otherwise it's going to be real awkward.

Okay.

I just run a bar.

Don't, don't worry about it. I, I It's been, it's been a long week, so I'm just, I'm just griping.

Deal there. Okay, I gotta go. The band needs more drinks. Alright. Tell them they're doing awesome. Oh, they'll appreciate that from you. You're sweet. Well, they don't. She just cackles as she goes off.

Um, I kind of settle in, grab my drink, and I start to read the other letter. Dear Serafina, We know each other, though, if you're reading this. It's likely you don't remember me. At least, not as you knew me. On the wall behind your brother's desk, there's an old recruiting poster for the City Watch. My name is Gusunden Schniffel.

And I am a private investigator on that poster. We had adventures together, you, me, and a woman named Alua. Though that time may have now been erased, we investigated a murder. You saved me from the assassins. You plundered an ascended temple run by a cult. We found the source of your father's illness and put him on the road to recovery.

It's his medicine. Take him to the hospital and ask them about Wyvern's Venom. This all led up to us trying to stop an intertwined interplanar invasion of shape shifting Slot E and a mechanical species called Modron. At this last one, we failed. And that's how we got here. As I write this letter, Overton has fallen.

The Slot E and the Modron battle in the streets. The citizens of Overton are fleeing. The Modron had infected you, and you're changing into a machine. And that's when you found the Wish Spell. The answer to saving the city. I hope it works. Not for you, mind you. Not for me, mind you. I am old, and if I don't make it through this, I have no regrets.

But you are young and have a long life to live. I don't have time to go into more detail about our friendship, but know that you and Alua are like family to me. If we don't meet again, I wish you all of the happiness that this world can bring you. In love and friendship. Gus.

Okay. I don't know what these two were smoking when they were together and wrote these letters, but how the hell do they know my name?

There's a Lewis that's there, confounded, trying to make sense of this. Our camera, again, zooms out, and now it zips across the city, past the mountainside down into the very busy space called Bazaar, or the Whispering Bazaar by some. And in that space, we see Serafina, her six horns spiraling out, mechanical bits everywhere, and a deep knock.

At the wooden covering for workshop. Thunk, thunk, thunk.

Uh, I'ma get up from whatever I'm tinkering at and go to it. And open it up and be like, what, what, what, what? Sis, sis, come on. Uh, you got some notes by the way, but we gotta get back to my sh I really need your help with this. And your brother's looking at you. Oh. And hands you two pieces of paper.

I'm gonna take um, put them in my pocket for a second and be like, I'm clearly busy!

You can be busy helping me make some money so we can buy you some more gadgets. Look, I got this thing, and I need you buy me gadgets, okay, let's go. And he hands you a small little metallic object that has twelve sides. We need to figure this out so we can figure out how to return it to the person who needs to be returned to.

Tinker with it later, though. Read your notes. And he pulls it away as he's almost handed you a gadget, but knowing you well is like Get through your paperwork first. When you finish reading those, then, then you can look at this. I very quickly pull them out and I start reading the first one.

Dear Alua, If you're reading this, then I guess something went wrong and we won't remember each other. But something went right enough that at least this letter exists to remind us of what we lost. My name is Gusunden Schniffel, and I was a homicide investigator with the City Watch for many years. Our mutual acquaintance, Sticky Beak, brought you, myself, and a tiefling named Seraphina together to solve a murder.

Until I received that summons, I had removed myself from the world. The city watch had rejected me for standing against corruption. My wife had died many years before I was alone. We had many adventures together since that day, more than I have time to go into here. But what started as an intriguing investigation and a favor to an old friend, and it was something I hadn't experienced in more than a C century in you and Sarafina, I found a family.

If we somehow don't meet again, know that in this time and this place, and grateful to have found you both, we've elected to reset time to stop an invasion and to save Overton. Which burns the distance. Even as I write this, there was no other choice. Powerful magic is never without cost, and I fear the price we might have to pay.

What happens to me doesn't matter. I'm an old man. I've lived a good life, and I have people who are dear to me waiting on the other side of the veil. I only pray that you and Serafina get the chance you deserve to live long and happy lives. In love and friendship, Gus.

So Hey, hey, hey, what was the name of that guy you like?

He's a hero. I think he might be a little sappy. What up? Inspector Schniffel is nothing to be sappy about. If we could all live to the ideal of Inspector Schniffle, we would be the most wondrous people of all.

If Schniffel looked into any problem like the one that I have for you in my hand, that I'm not handing to you until you read your other bit of paperwork, he would probably in an instant know what this thing is.

Well, I think he sounds like a quack because he thinks, here, you read this, and I give it to him, and then I'm going to read the other one. He starts reading, he goes, It's not from Schniffel, it says, Dear Ulua. And then as he starts reading, he's like, What?

Dear Gus, In case this all goes sideways, and we don't remember each other, but somehow these letters exist, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being a true friend in a time when trusting people became more and more difficult. Thank you for being brilliant and exemplifying logic and reason, and Serafina and I both had struggled to do so.

Your passion may not have ever shone through your gruff facade, but the love you have for your wife is truly inspiring, and I hope that, regardless of how our story as friends ends, that you find each other again. I hope that you can return to retirement, to your home, safe from greedy lawmakers and paint things that bring you joy.

If these letters exist but our memories don't, please know that you should be very proud of yourself. You were and continue to be brilliant. With great affection, Alua. Why do these people know me? These are very savvy people.

Your brother looks at you out of the side of the Full brotherly side eye. Um,

do you need to go Do you How do you know Gusundan Schniffel? I don't know him! Now give me the thing so I can play with it! No! Not until you tell me how you know Gusundan Schniffel! I don't know him! Well, we're going to go find him. Where the heck are we going to find him?

We're investigators. You are an investigator. You go investigate. I want the gadget. Give me. Yeah, that's part of the investigation we're about to do. Except now, we have to do a pre investigation before the investigation.

So if you want to get to this, and he holds it up for a second, then we've got to investigate that. Hi. I

don't know, I'm having to investigate him.

Duh. You just think I was gonna give, I was gonna give you a compliment for thinking of that, but now you're just a big meaty, just doing my civic duty as a citizen and a brother. With that, he does the two finger whistle and almost immediately a carpet pulls up. Let's be off.

I don't get on, and I just go, Mmm, gadget. He pulls it out, and he starts reaching up higher and higher and higher. And I crawl onto the carpet to try to get it. As soon as you're on the carpet, the gadget disappears. Back into his pouch. And he says, Let's go! Takes off.

As this carpet heads to the Hall of Records, uh, we zip back over to Gus or Ulua.

Have you done anything? Or are you even Oh! I know what! One of the things that has definitely happened. Gus The bartender looks at you and goes, A what book? Oh, you need the calling system. Uh, yeah. Here. And then he directs you to a back room within the bar. Um, it's old, but should get you around where you need to be.

I'm gonna be like, do you know anyone named Ulua or Seraphina?

I don't, but use the calling system. Okay. One ringy dingy. And you're in the room that you're Ring ring, hello? Gus. You'd be the only one of this group who would know this, but it used to be that these were powered by people. Um, people were enslaved into these machines and they were relaying messages amongst each other.

Their magic basically tapped, but with the rise of equitable rights and, um, workers rights, that was abolished and it got replaced with new, more advanced things, also people get paid better. And you walk into this little back room and you can see that the stone of sending that is here, it goes to the central operator.

Um, is very well charged. Clearly either it's very unused in this bar, or, um, they keep it up here. Which, one way or another I'm like, this is crazy, you never see a stone booth anymore.

A hundred percent. I hate you so much! Ugh! Had to get one last fucking pun in, didn't ya? Oh, I'm not dead. Not yet. Alright, I'm gonna pick it up. Hello, Operator?

You've reached Central. Do you know the party you wish to connect with? Uh, I grabbed the first letter, I'm like, Ulua.

Ulua is not within our network. If you would like to reach somebody within the network, or someone connected with the individual you described as Ulua, please pay one gold. We can connect via sending spell. Uh,

Friction cum. Throw a gold into the thing.

Remember, for these sending spells, you have 25 words or less.

Begin now.

Hello, I'm Gush. I have a letter for you

from someone named Seraphina. I think we

might have met somehow.

Where can I find you?

Ulua, as you're sitting there trying to sort things out and figure out what you're going to do about this letter, you receive this sending spell and you can reply. 25

Wait,

I have letters, too,

to you and someone else.

How is this possible?

I'm just watching everybody count. You haven't 14! I'm at Celia's in Cragside Crowds. I can stay here. Central.

You both here. On where to go? Thank you for reaching Central. Your call has been concluded. Enjoy your day. And then you hear, BONG! BONG! BONG! BING! BING! BING!

I'm gonna put the sending stone down and then pick it up again. Hello? Hi! You've reached Central. How can we direct your call today? I would like to call Serafina.

Please place one gold upon the sending stone. It's absorbed. It's absorbed. Brrng. Brrng. Brrng.

You hear? Tashir residence. Hello, I'm looking It's a masculine voice. I'm looking for, uh, Seraphina. Oh, my daughter! She's not here right now. She's probably at her workshop. Uh, could you tell me where that is, I have, a letter was delivered to me, I think was meant for her. Whispering Bazaar, um, uh, giving you directions there is just impossible.

You know, look for the kid with too much going on, and she's probably distracted. Honestly, look for smoke. If you find smoke rising out of the ground, it's probably my daughter. Actually, wait, who are you? Uh, my name is Gusundan Sniffle.

Wait, can you say that again? Uh, my name is Gus. No, no, no, the whole name. Gusunden Schniffel. Like, Inspector Gusunden Schniffel? Uh, once upon a time, yes. My older kid would love to meet you. Is this something my daughter's arranged to, like, connect you? With my son. Yes, that's exactly what this is. Could you have them meet me at Celia's?

Sure. Absolutely. I'll send my little familiar that way. Awesome. Thank you. Uh, Have a lovely day. You too. He's gonna get it. Wow. My daughter's actually thinking about other people rather than some weird Crazy control and you can just hear him talking on and on and like sharing way too much Information, before you hear a voice.

Honey, why are you on the f Put down the stone. We have to go grocery shopping. Those kids are gonna be back here hungry at any time. And you can hear this spousal argument occurring in the background.

I'm just gonna like, put the stone, like, down. The whole time, up until you've fully paid. Put the stone down, it's just ongoing. And as you move away and we kind of like zip away from this area you just hear the whoa. Well your dad's not sick. That's cool. Yeah. And your brother's alive.

We did it. My sister's still dead but that's okay. But she died before this. Oh my goodness.

And I never solved it.

So Gus, are you heading to Cecilia's? Yes. Okay. Not that far to go. It's literally straight up from the Undercroft to the Cragside Crowds. So a quick carpet ride, but these mysterious letters, don't they understand fixed income?

I'm assuming I no longer have whatever money I had before.

Uh, you have the 15 gold you started off with, but you don't remove things from your inventory.

Okay. Seraphina. You are busy trying to I'm gonna public transit up there, by the way. If I've only got 15 gold. Yeah, public transit. Oh, that's only a silver. I just spent two on the frickin phone, so. Yeah, it's a silver. Ha, ha, ha. Uh, Seraphina, you, uh, and your brother arrive at the Hall of Records, and just as you're about to go in, you see, um, your father's familiar arrowing towards you.

Big. Green, squishy, splotch of something.

It's currently in the form of a little, uh, What you guess must be some sort of flying creature. But, as it gets closer to you, it just becomes more amorphous and more Squishy, and you don't generally deal with this thing, except here it's coming straight for you.

Uh, a step behind Rodax, I'm like, mm, nope. He looks up, sees it coming, and says, you know that never works. And Wubble just spins around him. Before full face planting on you, curving around your brother to engulf your head. Roll a wisdom saving throw.

While she does that, there's this book, um, The first book in the series is called Orcanomics. But, um, it's by Zachary J. Pike, if anybody wants to read it. It's like a satire on D and D, on the D and; D universe, and one of the things they run into is a, uh, a viscous rhombohedron.

Come on, I need to know where my wisdom is! Is our also, are our stats back to the beginning? Nope. Okay.

Ah, there we go. Okay, here we go. You're exactly where you're at.

Uh That would have been The two. Ah. The natural one version of our role would have been, um, The implosion of the world. It's like, what's the worst thing that could happen? Oh, they destroy the world through their wish. A whole five.

Yeah, you don't save. Wubble has inserted parts of itself up into your brain and you hear your father's voice from all the orifices in which it has inserted itself You're a good daughter. I can't believe you did that for your brother. You better get to Celia's step. Get your brother there. Get going. Up in the cragside crowd.

And it's like echoing through your sinuses. I knew you'd come around. You can't keep your head in those machines and mechanics all day long. This is great. I'm so excited. Taking care of your brother. Just like he's been trying to take care of you. You're turning out great. I love you, kid. Remember, Celia's up in the Cragside Crowds.

And then Wubble's pseudopods withdraw. And you have the normal revulsion. And you can feel that you've gotten kind of a facelift as the acidic component of Wubble. It's like, burned off some of that extra layer of skin, it's not exactly the facial that people want. Also, your sinuses are very clear. Yeah, you're breathing really well.

Uh, Dad says we have to go to You really look like you have a bubble that disappears off in the distance. Dad says we have to get to

Cassandra's? Cassidy's? Cassandra's? At, um, something with a C? Somewhere in Cragside's, Crag, Cragside Crowds? Dad asked you for us to go somewhere, and you already can't remember? It was a lady's name. I also just had a, a wobble to pull out of all of my orifices.

You've been wobbled. You know how big the crag site is, right? It was a bar! He said go I know it was a bar. How many bars with lady names can there be? That's a C name. He's standing at, like, a card catalog. Right there, that he's been starting to pull, he shuts it. He opens up another one, there's this little goblin who's been yapping at him, he's like, Go, I can find my way through.

You're insanely fast, you're driving nuts. Rolls up another one. Ah, crack side. He hands you a little rolodex of food, pubs, and bars. It's in the Cragside, and it's like 50 different carts. Time out for Overton. Look through those, see if you can figure out which one it is.

I'm just gonna be like, Casey, Cassandra, Connors, and then I find the right one, I'm like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, this one, this one, hehehehe. Say it. I won't. Celia's

Shellside. Spirits and Sundies. Yeah, that one.

You know, whoever named this bar was

a sadist and a masochist. Yeah, I don't wanna say it. Now you also know why I forgot it. I was like, if I saw it I'd be like, oh, that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, we have to go there now. We're not gonna get this research done. Okay. We've got to find out where Gusunden Schniffel lives. Okay, well Dad said we have to go here.

You, you tell Dad that we're not going to listen to him. Ooh. Yeah. No. Okay, then we're gonna go. And then we'll come back. But we're taking public transit. Okay. And then I, I want to sneak into his pocket to get some coins so that we can take a carpet. Pfft. Because I don't like public transit. You're going in jail because you rolled badly.

Okay.

Oh, man. Oh, no. Natural 1. 9 altogether, but not 1. nah nah nah nah nah nah Aaaaa This seems perfect Though Jess If your brothers caught you sticking your hand into their pocket of their wallet What would they most likely do? In public? In public Such a good question what would they have done?

I would have put me in a headlock and started to give me a noogie Yeah, yeah, something like that.

You got into the same space I was thinking mentally. Seraphina, you know this smell. I don't want to know the smell. This is the smell, especially now that your nostrils have been cleansed by the Wubble torture treatment. No! Now, you're having to smell your brother's frickin armpit. No. And it's clear that he's been busy all day, because it is ripe.

But, that distraction only lasts for a few seconds before you feel each of your horns being individually tweaked. I just don't want to go through the transit. It's the worst. We're walking now.

Why?

As you say why, you just feel yourself being dragged still half face in an armpit. Out the door and making the long trek to the cragside crowds. And just as we're going, I'm just gonna be like, well, whenever we find Gus, I'm gonna tell him how awful you are and how mean you are. And he obviously clearly already likes me.

And I'm gonna tell him how mean you are and how not to like you.

Roll a persuasion check or an intimidation check, whichever one you think that really is.

She, I feel like she's trying to intimidate. Even though she's not intimidating. Well, you can roll with, uh, disadvantage if you want to. Okay, she's not that un intimidating. She's trying to prey on his fears, which I see is an intimidation. Uh, four, five, six.

If you had rolled like this on our actual first day of this campaign, it would've been so bad. Um.

I have three dice currently in jail. I think I did roll like this on the first day of our campaign, if I remember correctly. I think you did too. The first, like, three days of our campaign. It was pretty rough. I do remember it being pretty rough for you, Gus. So I was thinking of a like. He's supposed to be this brilliant investigator who can't investigate crap right now.

He just had to get the cobwebs out, that's all. Yeah, you know, he was retired. He had some downtime.

Gus and Ulua. Ulua, you've been sitting at the bar for a little bit, not terribly long, but eventually you make out. There's not been a lot of, um, individuals coming in. There's been a few people leaving as the day kind of wraps up and the band is done. They're, they're finished playing. Um, but you know, this is second home for you, so no big deal.

And you know that the general flow is the locals stick around for a little bit longer than anybody else and you fit in with the locals. But somebody does come in and it's a old looking gnome. Looking pretty grumpy. Um, having just spent, you know, a month's worth of their retirement income to make a couple of phone calls.

They come up to the bar. Gus and, uh, Celia's like, Celia's like, Oh! Welcome! What, what, what you having at? Gus says, I'll come in and, um, go to the bar, I guess. And Whatcha havin young man? I'm, uh, looking for someone named Ulua. Oh, are ya? You're not the usual type.

I just have a letter for her. What letter? Are you Ulua? Who are you? I'm Gush.

I I have a letter. Right. Okay. Okay. You wanna switch? Go. I, I have one for you. I don't know who this third person is. I one, I have one for you and one for Sarafina. Do you know who Seraphina is? No, but I called her dad and he's sending her here. Okay, well, according to your letter I sound like a child!

According to your letter, or her letter to you, and your letter to her, you know each other.

According to these letters, I had a plan of some sort. I think it must not have gone very well. Yeah, you said something, well, well, here, um, and I pull out the one to Serafina, and I say, is this your handwriting? Yes, I'll pause the other one to Serafina, is this yours? Yeah. I'm just going to give her both letters.

Well, I don't need both letters, both aren't for me, right? Oh, you wrote one of them, so. I, I guess. One's to you and one's from you. Oh, uh, what, in that case, here are both of these. Okay. And I'm just gonna take a moment to, like, read the letters that I wrote.

She starts to blush.

I think you and Seraphina had a thing. I'm just saying. I'm sorry. I read your letters.

I, I don't understand.

Does any of this make sense to you?

Which one did I say something about high level magic? Was it this one or was it Seraphina's? I don't remember now. I think it was mine. But that's the one that Seraphina has is the one to me.

Okay, so I said, there's Seraphina. That's the one about the wish spell, so. Oh, okay, so that is in mine. Okay. Or the one I have right now. As far as I can tell The one in your possession, Ulua, is the one that he wrote that says about the wish spell. Right. As far as I can tell, this Seraphina used a wish spell.

To solve a lot of problems and reset us to this day when I guess things must have gone wrong.

But none of I don't understand why the letters made it through. I don't either. Or why we don't remember. You collectively rerolled an 8! Um, I mean,

it's all, it's very specific. Nobody, there's only one other person on the planet that knows that I work with StickyBeak. And it's not you, well now you do, but And it's StickyBeak! Um. Um. I've known StickyBeak for many years. Um, from when I was on the watch. Do you think maybe he knows what this is about? I don't know.

Anyway, um, hello. I'm Gus. Nice to meet you. Hi. Hold my hand out. I'm Ulua. Um. So. Hmm. This feels like a good time to drink. Yeah. Uh. Cease. I'm gonna crawl up onto the stool. Uh, we need something strong, and I have a feeling, and I turn to him for a quick second and I go, You said that this Seraphina is on her way as well?

Yes, and her brother too, I think. Uh, so we're gonna need four of the strongest thing you got. Alright, loves. Uh, long night, do you think? Um, I, I don't, I don't know. Are we? Would we want to go try to find Sticky Peak, or do we want to bring him here, or, I don't, I have no idea how we're supposed to, like, if we're supposed to do anything with this information, or is it just like, cool, thank, hey, thanks, bye?

Just about that time, a very must looking couple of tieflings, they almost look like they've been fighting with each other physically, come in through the door. They have a lot of similar features, but, uh, They're both tumbling through. That looks like a brother and sister to me.

Alright, here's your drinks and the backups. You read my mind. Uh, and I just kind of, like, side glance over at Serafina and then instantly start blushing.

Can you roll an insight check? Serafina. Serafina, that's me. Okay, let's pick a dice that's not gonna go in jail. Are any of my dice in jail or no? No, I gotta find yours. I think that's my issue. There's

one specific one I was looking for, but I don't know where it is, so, this one. How about that? Oh my god. Seven. Seven. You've been keeping your eyes open for, yeah, seven. You've been keeping your eyes open for Gusunden Schniffel because you know what he looks like from the picture behind your brother's desk.

Mm hmm. And so if you're gonna go to this place anyways, just keep your eye out for the person you're looking for, because that's one step closer to this. Interesting gadget. And you spot him, and you see who's sitting next to him, and for some reason that you don't understand, your heart feels like it's stopped, and then it's picked up again.

And despite any previously held beliefs, you wonder if love at first sight might actually exist, because for some reason, this feels like more than attraction. Uh, is it, is it too cliche to ask to roll a history check? To see if, like, somehow I know her? Go ahead and roll that history check. Yeah, I'm gonna roll Xana out of the way, so.

Watch the Nat 20. At this point. Watch, watch, I'm calling it, it's Nat 20. Come on.

Is it another Nat 1? It's an at one.

Okay, this is why I don't gamble. You're having Jason luck. You've never seen someone who's both elven and orc. You've never seen anyone quite as voluptuous as this individual is. You've never seen anyone with the eyes and the kindness that they embody. And You've forgotten why you're here.

I'm just gonna yell out. Are you Sheriff Rina? I duck behind my brother, just blushing. And like, doing like, peeking around. Like looking at Oluwa. Your brother is blushing just as much and looking at Gusundan Schniffel. Gusundan

Schniffel, you're okay?

Did, did you do this?

Hi. Hi. Um, I didn't know that you were still around. And it's, I mean, sir, it's such a pleasure to meet you. I get that a lot. It's okay. It's been a really long time since somebody got this excited to meet me. What's your name? Huh? What is your name? Oh, oh, Tashir. Tashir. Um, sorry. Last name. First name. Uh, I don't remember.

Seraphina, what's my first name? It's, uh, Dax. It's, um, It's, uh, Rodax. Rodax. Tashir. Are you sure? Yes, sir, oh, I mean nobody was sure this whole campaign what the hell his name was why should he

And Serafina you're behind him his back is sweaty wet like Uh, don't touch it. I'm just behind him. I'm gonna shake his I assume he's sweaty. His sweaty hand. Sir, it is such an honor to meet you. Um, oh my gosh, I'm such a fan of your work. The case of the Oh my god. Start! I, I, can I buy you drinks? I'm buying you drinks.

Uh, sure. Uh, and I, this is where I pick up and I go, um, I, I took care of that already. And I just kind of slide the two strong drinks down the bar, still not really looking, um, studiously looking at the bar. Um, Seraphina, do you have, uh, This is Ulua. Do you have letters for us? Because we have letters for you.

I like, take them out and I hit Rodax kind of in the face with them to try to get him to pass them.

No, no, I need a second. Actually, you don't need this Seraphina, you're not good under. You get really, really drunk. And it's just, I don't, anyways. So, that's, whew.

Alright, um, letters. I'm a I'm a Yeah, she your brother kind of drunk way too fast. He's also like shed his own body weight in water. He shoves you forward. I'm just gonna hold a finger up to Celina. Can we get a glass of water up here?

Alright, I'll get you connected. Yeah, um, the young man looks like he's Did you drink? Okay, no problems. I got you both. And I, and I just kind of lean back to look like over and around Gus. I go, and I'm looking at Rodax and I go, are you okay?

I mean, the most impressive investigator in the entire city is here at this bar. And yeah, we were going to go find him, but like, Kind of thought that was a big joke, but that was only because in sister's letters he his name was he was and And somebody wrote some name or Ulua had written to him and he had written I thought like oh, this is okay Maybe you're maybe you're just a really good investigator.

You found me Record time so look at that.

You just watch a tear go down his cheek

Sir you do the biggest honor

I'm just gonna like, pat him on the shoulder, and then like, grab the letters from him, and like, look at them, and be like, hand one to Ulua.

Yeah. I'm gonna finally get the nerve to like, sort of push him to the side, and conveniently still not looking at Ulua, and go, um, excuse me, uh, Mr. Schniffles, um, uh, Did I write letters? You did. Um, here you go.

Uh, and I'm gonna read them really fast. Uh, I'll hand her the one I have. Lua's got the other one. The one from Lua to Seraphina. Can I Are there Are there any letters, like, to me? By any chance? And I just kind of, I, I finally kind of, kind of, I'm going to give her the one from me to her. And I just finally kind of turn to her and like slowly raise up and meet her eyes.

And I go, um, this one's from me somehow. Um, I don't remember writing it, but that's my handwriting. Um, I don't remember writing it, but that's my handwriting. And obviously you two exist, so something about this must be true, um, here.

I'm gonna take Gus's, read Gus's, take hers, and then read hers. And then blush even more than I was before. And then I'm gonna go sit on the other side of Gus. And just start dinking my hands again. Like, being like, I don't know what I'm doing, but this feels right.

Um, so, what now? I think we saved the city. Good job. Go us.

So awkward. Uh, Mr. uh, Mr. Gus Schniffel, sir. You could just call me Gus. Ah, yes, Gus. Uh, so how old are you exactly? What are you? And I just kind of look at her. I go, Mm-Hmm, old. Am I, I don't even remember. I'm so old. I don't remember how old. I just need, I, no, I hung out with the older persuasion of folks I recently had my hundred and 44th birthday.

Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Yep. Uh, I'll have to get you a present. I lean back over to Road X. I go road X. You just had a birthday.

Presents aren't necessary, but thank you. Oh, uh, uh, but, um, could, mm, would you like to come to my office?

I lean in to him and I go, It'll be kind of shocking if you do.

Um, I would, I would happily stop by sometime. I think, um, right now we're trying to figure out all of this and hold up the letters. Yeah, no. Don't, don't let me get in the middle, or if you need me to help you figure it out, or I'll hand them my letters and be like, sure, um, maybe we can try to, to put together a timeline or like a Venn diagram of things that were said in the letters that we know to be true.

Or at least, that we know to be true, and then things we don't know about, and then, I don't know, I still, I still think With that, you hear the door slam open, and a small Kenku comes rushing in, looks around and goes, Thank god all three of you are here! We're actually coming to the end of Campaign 2. Thank you so much for joining us.

The next session we put up will actually be a reflection and talking about what these characters might do in the future and just what we're planning to do for our next few sessions and we really look forward to having you there. It's been really fun to do two campaigns and share with friends, family, and beyond.

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