Probability of Demise

Welcome adventurers to Probability of Demise, the podcast where critical fumbles meet critical facepalms. Join us as we delve into the darkest dungeons, slay the stupidest gremlins, and roll enough ones to make a beholder weep. Forget epic storylines and heroic deeds, here we celebrate the chaotic beauty of bad roles, questionable decisions, and characters with more charisma than sense.

We'll be your dungeon masters of disappointment, guiding you through campaigns where the only guaranteed treasure is a mountain of laughter, and maybe some psychic scarring. So grab your nat 1 dice, strap on your anxiety helmets, and prepare to witness the glorious trainwreck that is our D and D journey.

Because, in the end Even if your character dies face first into a pile of pudding, at least you'll have the Dice God's permission to laugh your ass off.

Welcome to Probability of Demise, the podcast run by Seraphina. 100 percent because this is all her. If you haven't liked, subscribed, and all the other crap that you should have done a long time ago, you've given over something to that warlock patron known as Word of the Day. Word of the day. Oh, that's me.

You 2014 Player handbook. Ancient relic of a bygone age.

Alrighty, well, once again, good eatings are wonderful, wonderful. Listeners and watchers, uh, welcome to the word of the day, featuring yet again, the marvelous, very big, D100, brought to you by Grisham Patel.

Um, so as of always, we are going to discover a new word that's gonna help you sound smartical. Um, I have rolled the D100. And today's letter, letter? What? Number, was, uh, six, which happens to be my favorite number. Hey! Yeah. And today's word is Ebullient, uh, which means cheerful, full of energy, something along those lines.

It is spelled E or having tons of Ebola. Yeah. , E-B-U-L-L-I-E-N-T. Used in a sentence, the bard's ebolant performance filled the tavern with laughter and song, lifting the spirits of even the most battle weary adventurers. Ta da! Could not spell like ebola, got it? Nah.

Okay, well with that wonderful intro into our session and another word that I am absolutely certain will be used. by somebody during the session today. Uh, in our last sessions session, our heroes gathered at the Whispernet hub, a secretive establishment known for its information brokers. And our session began with some lighthearted banter and an introduction to the word of the day, of course, but then things derailed from there and went into much sadder spaces because as the party delved into their ongoing investigation, focusing on the mysterious death.

Of Grand, they also found some information about Seraphina's brother. and Ulua's friend. The group navigated through the chaotic mass transit system of Underton, eventually arriving at the WhisperNet hub. Upon entering, they were subjected to a series of cryptic tests by the bouncer to prove their credentials, or at least the fact that they might not be S.

L. A. W. D. After passing these tests, they met with the broker, Named Oakley Ledger, who provided them with valuable information in exchange for details about their own experiences, particularly those in VA involving the Faye realm. Oakley handed over two packets of information, one unsealed and ones sealed with our Clean Magic the unsealed com packet.

The unsealed packet contained notes on Grands plans to acquire Deadwood from the unde regions, indicating his ambition to either build or lift a floating city. The sealed packet, which required a spell slot to open, contained a list of individuals who had been replaced by the insidious insidious slot, E

Why did I write that that way? Yeah. That was, the investigation took a somber turn. When Sarah Fina discovered that her brother wrote X had been found dead, having been replaced by a slaty or presumed it dead, the whisper net had already dealt with the slaty that had taken. place of their previous member, but the relevation, revelation, whatever, with a heavy blow to Seraphina, the session concluded with the party resolving to find and confront the entity calling itself Oxana as they left the Whispernet hub with a renewed sense of purpose and determination.

What you all up to? Just having a bullying time in this tavern.

No, I think, um, we ended with, we should go talk to Oksana, so I think that's what we're doing. Yeah. Gus was very serious, like, slam the file shut. We should go speak with Oksana. Blah blah blah. And there was a thunder strike and terrible music. Yeah, the thunder strike was actually rocks falling in the Underton system.

A weak joist bell.

How are you all going about finding Oksana? I assume we're just going to go to Ulua's house and see if she's there. Um, hang on. Hang on. Let me get my, let me see if I picked it.

Did I still not pick it?

What was the password again? That we made in case one of us became a slob. If you don't know it, you might be a slob. Okay. Do none of you remember it? I remember it. Okay, are you the only one that remembers it? Password for what? I was sorry. Our super secret S. L. O. D. password. I wrote it down. It was something but.

It's gotta but. That's what it was. It's gotta but. Ulua, you're gonna have to kill both of them. Seriously. We each knew half of it. I just didn't get to the page yet. I remembered butt. Because I was like, heh heh, I never want to say butt. Okay, anyways, uh, I would like to use sending,

um That's what you look like when you catch sending.

Um, and Who are you sending to? Oxana, or who I know as Oxana. Who are you sending to, Oxana? Or the individual that you think might have taken over Oksana.

Yes.

Not a solid enough answer if we want to make sure this spell doesn't fizzle. Because it has to have a designated target. So if in your, in Ulua's head she's thinking she's messaging Oksana. I'm thinking I'm messaging the person that I spoke with last. Okay. Going by Oksana. Okay. Okay. I've seen that. And that's the 20 word limit, right?

One message. There's a, there's a sending is the word limit of some sort. I can't remember what the number is. Okay. 64. 35 syllables, no words. Right? Is it? No, it is words. Nevermind. It's 25 words. I think you could use really big words and save yourself some space. That would be hilarious though, the syllable thing would drive me crazy.

I briefly mixed it up with Asher's Hikers, my bad. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Um, no conflating those two, please. Alright, so you're sending and sending. Um, Sana, it's Ulua. Do you have time to meet with me? What time of day is it, Rook?

You're in Underton, so But I also have alert, so I should know what time it is. It's definitely, like, later afternoon. Okay. Uh, tonight I have a Okay, now I have 10 left. new client, and I need your advice.

to please them.

I needed to write down what you said exactly so I wouldn't mess up myself. Um, I need you as an addition to this check, or to this sending spell, I need you to also roll deception.

She's not listening. I'm listening, I'm sorry. With me, I'm reading through my new stuff. Ooh! Not a nat 20, but she close. She her, I thought me her. No, it was you, because she said the D word and you didn't do the thing. Uh, 26. 26, beautiful. 19, baby!

You hear, I'm not sure I understand. Can you elaborate on the client's specific needs or concerns? I can meet.

And I'm gonna use one more spell slot. Roll an insight check before you roll that spell. Okay. Uh,

not so good. Uh, well, I have a plus nine. Uh, 16.

You startled this person with your request, and they weren't certain how to respond. This was very much a quick cover, and you definitely gained that insight to the situation. Um, so I will, I will reply one more time and say, Um, They have

tastes I'm unfamiliar with.

I need your expertise.

Have you ever used a whip before? That

is what they requested. I don't know where I'm at.

I mean, you don't have to use them all, you can just, uh I don't know that Rurik follows those rules. Um, uh I think the spell says up to. I think I have I'll just go through more. Um, that makes sense? A

whip? That's unusual. I haven't personally used one, but Outside Celius?

I don't know what any of this means from your face, but it's very entertaining. Oh, I know. Uh, last, I, one more sending spell. Um, Oh, Jesus. I know, I know, I know, I know. Um, One spell more! Sorry. Would prefer the house

so that if I look foolish, No one else. No one else sees.

They asked me to use it on them.

Meet in one hour?

You hear back.

Uh, get to the house.

But, um, the Starless Observatory is empty at this time of day.

In Underton, remember where we once met. Um, it would work wonderfully.

Meanwhile, we're just looking at you like,

Gus and Seraphina are both gone. She's talking to someone. Can I upcast sending? Oh yeah. Okay. I don't see it on there. Now you get 50 words. No, that's not true. Um, you should definitely get more words every time you upcast sending. That would be a great little tweak. I wonder if they do that in the update.

They haven't looked at sending in the updated spells. I guess sending at level 9. It was a dark and stormy night. It's a whole novel, that's how they sell the new audiobooks. Can I, can I use one of the sticky beak notes? Like, do I have a sense of how fast that would respond? Um, I think, go ahead and roll a quick Arcana check.

And then also a history check to know if I No way. Talking about this would be about that. Talking about, okay. That's, I mean for you, what did you say? She definitely does is making something up. Yeah. You're not even sure what she's talking about. Okay. Um, but the arcana check is for whether or not you can send a sticky week note to a different individual successfully.

Okay. Well, 19 is the role of the night. 'cause that's another one. I've got 22. You think that if you spend some time and maybe get some support from some friends, you could probably redirect one of these predetermined notes. Sticky Beak's notes just go to Sticky Beak. Um, and other individuals who have given you notes, their notes just go to them.

It's kind of like a carrier pigeon. Um, magical signatures being identified and such. Uh, but you think you might be able to adjust it. Maybe. Hmm. Okay. I'm just gonna I'm just gonna use a spell slot, same. Uh, and then, so can I do then a history check? About the conservatory, whatever she's talking about? No, I already told you, that's the freebie, there's no need to do a history check.

There is no history you have with her at the conservatory. But I know where she's talking about. Oh yeah, 100%. Okay, that's what I mean. This isn't a quiet location, this is a well known location. It's actually Uh, I think you probably have heard it called the Starless Observatory because it's in Underton.

Okay, so is she right that it, it would be deserted this time of day? Yes. Okay. I feel like the Starless Observatory is actually just a geology museum. Um, okay. Uh, I'm going to respond and say, Oh, right. Yes. Yeah, I think I can make it there in an hour.

I'm with my friends, but they

promise they won't laugh at me. We're really cool. We're hip. See you

there. I'll be there soon.

Uh, and we're still in the tavern, right? Yeah, well you're, I think you had just stepped out, or were heading out, or some, some process. Can we, could we possibly still be in, like, retcon that we're still in the booth, so that, in terms of confidential, like, information? Okay. Sure. So, I, I turn to them, and I say, So, not sure if this is gonna work, but I think my whip has magic that might be helpful against the Slaad.

And so I'm going to try to convince

whatever it is that is Oksana to let me use it on her.

Does that make sense? Sure. It does.

So then, if she's weak to the damage from your whip, we'll know she's a slob? Is that the I th That, uh, maybe. I, I don't know. I, I'm still very new to whatever this is. But I figure it's worth a shot. Rurik, I really don't like that look on your face. It's freaking me out. I just was laughing about the newt a whippin Hehe.

Um Not quite jock level yet? Um Chk chk chk chk chk chk chk chk chk chk chk! Think something! Chk chk chk chk chk chk chk chk chk! For those of you who don't know, we all seem to watch Jock the Whipper.

What do you got, Seraphina? You were about to say something? Um, I want to do something for the two of them, but I have to ask the players first. Which of you two has the lower AC? Probably, uh, although he has mage armor. I have, it's 13, but if, yeah, if I major on myself, it's 15. And I'm at a straight 14. Okay, because I want to infuse some of y'all's items, um, with things before we go into any crazy battles.

Do you, well, can you do that in an hour? Yeah, I think so. She can do that. Okay. DM is saying yes, I can touch a non magical item and Ibu it, ibu. So we take that and we run imbue it with, uh, artificer infusion. Um,

yeah, it doesn't say it, it sounds like I just touch it. So I have, hold on. What did I,

it's. Technically, whenever you finish a long rest, but because you might have done this earlier, we can retcon that you did this earlier. Okay. Is that okay? That's cool. Okay. Yes. So, um Four days? Okay. So, okay, so actually, I'm gonna equip myself with the defense, because I'm a weak little duckling. But, do either of you have Non magical weapons.

I just have like a plain staff right now. Okay, so then I'm gonna We should do that, do something about that, but anyway. So I'm gonna, um, Turn, I'm not really sure how to do this on my side for him but basically I'm gonna make his a radiant weapon, which gives you a plus one to your power. A plus one bonus to attack and damage rolls with that staff.

And as a reaction, after being hit by an attack, the wielder can expend one charge and cause the attacker to be blinded until the attacker's next turn. Um, it is a con save of 16, and I can always pull this up if you want to use it, Jason. Can I get a call just so I can get up? It just turns it into a radiant weapon.

It just infused your weapon with the plus one to your attack and everything and then given you the radiant. Yeah. Um, and then Larissa, do you have, do you have a weapon at all? I do. That's non magical? No. I have a magical weapon. That's what I was just saying about the whip. I think it, I think it has divine magic infused because it's a whip of Tanzanite.

Yeah. Okay. So that's all I want to do right now. Any weapon with a plus bonus is a magical weapon. You weren't going to give Ulua the, the um, infusion for her armor to give her a bonus to her AC? No, cause I'm, I'mma take it. Cause I'm a weak little duckling without mine. Can't you use it multiple times? But what?

You broke up, I'm sorry. Can't you use it multiple times?

I can use this, I, oh, I You have three, you have three use any of my options in the slots. So then yes, I will, I will. Um, give, do you have just like, leather armor or clothes, whatever? Um, my armor is leather. Light armor. Okay, so I'm gonna go to touch her, and then I'm unsure where to touch her. Technically it's my corset.

So, um, I kind of like, figure out where to touch her, and I just kind of place my hand on her belly button. Just one finger in the belly button.

Just, you know, do some finagling. And now, Larissa, you have plus one to your armor class. So you all watch as Seraphina goes around and some of her gizmos and gadgets that have just seemed like little bits and bobs of junk she starts placing on your staff and then on your corset and she's kind of connecting it through to your belly button.

Both of them kind of seal with her magic and for the next four days unless she uses those infusion slots for something else you will have those effects available to those tools. All right, and y'all just gonna hang out here until it's time, or are we close to it? It's right across the kobold, um, station, like, yeah, it's, it's right across the way.

So it's right across the highway. You're at the WhisperNet hub, which is kind of, if you picture it as a compass situation, it's to the Northwest side of the carpooled Metro and through the market to the opposite side is the Starless Observatory. I'm going to go ask the bartender if by any weird chance he sells holy water.

I don't. You can go to the crypts, pick up some. Uh, how far is that? It's just. A couple of blocks down and he kind of gestures in the direction to the Southwest. It would put you a little bit further from the Starless Observatory, but if you all were quick about it, you could make your way there and over to the Starless Observatory.

No problems. I'm going to go back to the table. I would like to run over to the crypts before we get to have to get through. You could also hunt through the market, but that's harder. Is the market closer? Yeah. Yeah. Yes, the market is right next door. Are there temples near us? No, the closest to a temple situation would either be the Faithful Crypts, um, maybe the Moonwells, or the Dragonbone Archives down here.

I'm going to regret this, but I'm going to cast a spell. I'm going to cast Locate Object. Okay. And use it to find The nearest Holy water. Great. What a great shopping tactic.

Um, how does this spell work for you? Amazon for D& D. It's not quite Uber Eats, but it's close. DoorDash. Except for you have to pick up only. Yes, exactly. It's only pick up. Sorry, what was your question? Uber Eats, DoorDash, Amazon, not sponsored. It's Um, how does a spell work for you? Um, I would like to imagine that I hear it as like, uh, like my favorite song at that moment.

And, uh, the, the closer I get to it, the louder it gets. So it's like, so I hear, I hear music in the direction that it is.

Yeah, I like this use of it. It's, it's fun. Um, I know that their object type is limited, but I think finding holy water is perfectly fine within the whole, you know, Ridiculous thing. I feel like holy water is like a tool in your head right now, even. So as you, um, head out of the door, all of you, I'm assuming are heading out to find the holy water.

Uh, yeah, you're dousing rod of Ulua. listening to the beat in her mind, um, makes her way into the market. And I just heard a conga line. Dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee, jump in the line, rock your body in time. Okay.

You love me. So, Beneath the, the, uh, cobblestone streets of Overton, you're in this warren of tunnels and spaces and caverns, and this is Underton, and you've landed in the bustling Cobbled Market. It's a subterranean bazaar, it's a riot of color and sound, and the scents that assault your senses are quite varied from stall to stall and move to move.

There's hundreds of tiny stalls crowding the cavern floor, and their awnings are outstanding. Patchwork of vivid fabrics lit well from some sort of source of above and countless magical lanterns that are kind of floating overhead, creating this warm flickering glow across the scene. You were just here, you just arrived via the carpooled transit and the air is just thick with those mingled aromas of exotic spices.

You can hear the sizzling of meats and the acrid tang of alchemical concoctions. There's smoke from a dozen different incense burners weaving together through the crowd and it just makes this ever changing tapestry of scent. And it's all kept in here. It does not have the wafting breezes of a, of a The space is above the sun.

Didn't you know, as a former denizen of spaces like this, that this is just a bad idea, eventually this crud is going to build up in such a way that it's going to create a whole mess. And there has got to be better regulations taking care of this situation, but. Ulua, you see Wunstall, a kobold herbalist, offering rare fungi and cultivating strange, interesting things.

Nothing like the fungi that you've found before. I don't like this mouse, I keep hitting the back button on it.

For those of you at home.

So there's a, um, so there there's this, this cobalt herbalist, honestly, one of the first few kobolds you've seen, um, despite this being the cartbold market and being kind of like, What is described as their starting place. Um, and even they don't look like they're pure cobalt, uh, by that path. It's rude.

Sorry. By ethnicity. Um, they do have. As you get closer and closer to this particular cart, the music grows louder, the dance party in your head is almost irresistible, and then you're there.

Um, anybody else looking at anything else, or just here for the holy water? Um, if I pass any like very quickly purchased, um, weaponry stalls, I'd love to get like a sword or something to add to my. Roll a perception check. Okay. Cause so far I have an axe, a crossbow, and a couple, and like a dagger in there.

So you have a weapon that turns into other weapons? That's what she's trying to add to. Oh, oh, I see. Do you have to like put a sword in it to like make it do that? Yeah. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Ooh, um, I'm not, I'm so distracted. I'm so distracted. Let's see how distracted I am. Yeah, in this How, how distracted are you?

By number, maybe. Um, I'll tell you how distracted I am. I am You said perception, right? Yeah. Okay. Oh, I get advantage, uh, that helps a lot. 22 now. Oh, okay. So not so distracted. I'm not distracted at all. Uh, well, it's funny because the, the, either way, the, the, the story I was going to tell you starts off with the same words.

Seraphina, at the center of the market, there's this makeshift arena that hosts pits fights between insects, just regular insects. And you can see that there's, they're drawing crowds and it's a flurry of copper and silver exchanging hands as bets are placed. But just off of that, you can see that there is a, uh, little structure that would have been a stall except instead of the walls of a stall like most of the other spaces have, you actually see weaponry all entangled upon one another and that's what creates a little weapon stall of sorts.

Yeah, I'd like to go over and see if anyone's standing there who is in charge of that area. As Seraphina heads off on a little side quest, Ulua and Gus, you are there at this, uh, fungi vendor. And you have the opportunity to purchase some fungi, but for Ulua, the sound of that music is strong here. I look like it's just, just the one?

Uh, I, I, I think so. Um. Excuse, excuse me. Um. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hi. Hello. Uh, you look like a fungi. Sorry. I don't get that much. It never gets old for you all, does it? Uh. I apologize. Um, I'm looking for some holy water and I believe that you have something to sell. Well, I don't advertise that I, I do keep a nice stash here because, you know, you never know when things are going to go wrong.

I need like a I'm gonna just make a, whatever the size of a 25 gold bottle of holy water is, that's what I need for my component. How about this much? I need 25 gold worth, meh. Ah, I think I know what you're up to. Is this the missus? Um, no. Oh, well. Um. What? Do you have a bottle? Oh. I have a kick. Uh, yeah, do I have a bottle?

I could sell you a bottle as well, but Hang on one second, I'm gonna run over to Seraphina and be like, Do you have a bottle? I was gonna say, I have a bottle. As you run off, Ulua's staring there with her mouth open. Uh, Gus makes an exchange quickly with Seraphina for a bottle.

Gus is already snagged one and run off and you're still showing off bottles while this guy is also looking at you with all these weapons. Uh, okay, great. Here. Um, I guess I'm a bartender now for holy water. This is great. Uh, so as he caps it and hands it off to you, uh, so do you want, uh, any fungi? Got the nice, uh, steaks here.

Um. Delicious. I think I'm good. We actually have to be somewhere, but, uh. In a rush, in a rush. Okay, well, just pay up. Hello, do you need to re up your snacks? Um, do you have any Don't die. Yeah, right. I inhaled spit. Um, do you have any, like, that are good for maybe like rations or, you know, for something to snack on that gives you energy, like maybe dried or, but isn't medicinal, but more, you know, savory and I just offered you fungi steaks, you're all confused.

Right, but I mean, like, dried, not fresh. Preserved. For later. So you want me to overcook a fungi steak for you? If they're not already made that way, then don't worry about it. Uh, maybe I'll pick some up on our way back. How long does a cooked fungi steak last? I mean And I, I just turned to Gus and I go, there's a difference between cooked and dried.

And I, and if, it's fine, I'll get some on the way back. Okay. Okay, no free samples. I'm going to 25 gold. I totally understand. I'm going to go over to Seraphina, and if there's a shiny staff, I might look at it. Okay, why don't you go ahead and roll a perception check while you're there, Seraphina. As Gus has darted off, and you're still showing up off all these bottles that you have upon your person.

I'm The Go ahead. Yes, Ulua. I was just going to say, as I kind of keep an eye on them, I'm just going to like Kind of set my hand on my whip because I'm assuming it's wrapped around my waist, uh, or wrapped up on my waist, Indiana Jones style. Keep, keep it coiled at your waist. Cool. Yes. Um, and just kind of, um, I guess throw up prayer and be like, again, hi, not sure if I'm doing this right.

Um, but if, if What I think you'd want me to do with this is what I'm, uh, uh, about to do. Um, it would be really helpful if it worked. Roll a religion check. I feel like if, if she rolls a nat 20 on the religion check, Jess gets to answer as Tanzanite. Oh my God.

I'm just making up a real story. There's going to have to be a back channel talk first. I really want it, but that would be amazing. I didn't see shit. Sorry. There's an old stick on the table. That's what I saw. Yeah. Actually, that's great. Can you roll a d100 for me?

It was not a d10. 76. Unfortunately. But it was an 18, so it was good. It's a 21. I know. What a weird way to be disappointed in a 21. I'm like, what is wrong? I know. Okay, so. So. I'm sorry. I forgot what you were doing because I got so distracted by your change of what your dice meant. I, I basically was like, like, if this is, hopefully this is what you intend for me to be doing.

That was a very like ADHD segment. We all just started doing things at once. Sorry. The religion check that went sideways. Meanwhile, Seraphina is Actually, the person who should be rolling to find a sword that she's happy with. Um, so, Alula, I would just say that you have, um, some sort of sense of affirmation, but it's, you're not sure if that's an answer to the prayer or just what your already preconceived concept is throwing in here.

It's very messy to understand that. But what you do hear is a little bit of a, that voice. From the whip, the voice of the whip, going, Mmm, delicious. What, what, what did you say, sorry? Mmm, delicious. Ah, okay. Great.

Cool.

Sarafina, are you talking to the shopkeeper? Or are you just looking around at the items? Uh, I'd like to go to the shopkeeper and I'd go, like to go, Hello! Um, do you have a big sword? Nothing fancy, nothing magical, just like a big strong sword. That I may buy. From you. Yeah! Yeah. It's a good thing you didn't ask a bard that.

Which wall would you like to look at? Oh, I like the ceiling.

As you look up, you just see the tips of a bunch of sharp weapons, all dangling over your heads. It is, uh, metal widowmaker's dangerousness. Roll a perception check for a blade that meets your needs. And Gus, with your 76, you do find a stick. It's entangled very deeply into the wall. Um, it looks like it's been broken a few times.

But there's something about it that really just draws you. No, no, no! Not my stick! Oh! Nice! Great. Right over your head. A broadsword's point just seems to be directly aimed at your forehead, and it looks like the perfect example of what you were looking for. And it pokes you in the eye when you look up.

Okay, well, um, that will be 50, 000 gold.

You got some for less? Yeah, I'll sell you that one, points at the same sword, for five silver. Make it six and you got a deal. Seven, but you drive a hard bargain.

Four. Three. Go on. What's going on? You can get it off of there. It's yours. Hand me a silver. I'm gonna hand him the silver. Actually, I'm gonna hold on to the silver. And I'ma, I'ma take out my thing, cause I still don't totally know how to use it, and I'm just gonna poke it at it and see if it sucks it up.

Everybody roll a dexterity saving throw. Oh god! Oh no! We're gonna miss our meeting cause we all died. Oh my god. What do I do? What do I do? You fucked around and found out is what you did. Goddammit! I don't like the new dice. Dexterity. Oh no! That's a nat 1. Oh no! I bet everything falls down. Um, dexterity, saving throw, so 9, 10, 12, 13 14!

Great, Alil, what'd you get? 19 Aloy, you dodge out of the tent. You weren't quite fully in it where these two were really checking things out. You dodge out of the tent, making space as you can. What would have been, in a magical sense, a cloud of daggers temporarily exists as all these blades fall straight down, gravity doing its work, and as it is, this impulsive decision by Seraphina, there is no reaction for this right now.

The blades, the only reaction you could have possibly had for y'all was to die. dodge away. And Seraphina, you get, you see the broadsword gets absorbed into your weapon. And then 13 little daggers start to fall and you dance around. And then there's falling Stars and shurikens and other weaponry. It just seems like there's an unhealthy amount of sharp objects up above.

And you do take five points of slashing damage from various implements that do slice into you a little bit. Oh yeah. You both turn and look. There is a small gnomish person. Splayed out like it at some sort of circus program. A sharp object in every limb, somehow missing flesh in every case. And Gus, you realize that you slipped as these blades fell, and as they fell, it was spinning this table top, and the blades pinioned your arm, your other arm, your leg, the nape of your neck was held back.

And somehow, not a single blade fell upon you.

I've got I'm gonna run to the I'm gonna run to the gnome. Um, that'll help. I'm gonna run to the gnome and I cast No, he's not hurt. He's not hurt! He just can't move. You He's fully restrained. They they they said in every limb, but I think they mean, like, outline. Yeah, yeah. Every inch of clothing is holding Gus to this tabletop that somehow was spinning in that moment.

Okay, good. What happened to the shopkeeper? You see this, uh, metal helmet that's been taken out. It's a little domed shape. And the moment you touched that, uh, sword, it had placed this metal helmet right on top of itself. And it says, well, that's an upcharge.

I give him ten silver and I go, I'm so sorry. And I walk away. Tips are appreciated. I do. I would also walk away, but I'm still stuck to the ground. So, just like Seraphina peaces out, walking away. Guess I'm just, you know, stuck there. Somebody, somebody. I go, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming. Oh, no, you can't come in here.

Okay. I will help. The customers. You will stay outside of my shop. He comes over to you and, well, you're, you're fairly lucky and begins plucking out various sharp implements from your clothing. You have tiny little rents in every piece of article of clothing that you're wearing. Lucky shoes.

I assume this has something to do with my patron because, um, anyway.

I'm gonna go to the guy. Oh, that was really inconvenient. Can I have this shtick? Uh, yeah, I don't do insurance, but that seems like a fair deal. You have to pull it from the wall yourself, though. Uh, is the wall gonna fall down? Not if you're careful. I'm like that crazy woman who was just in here. Okay. I'm so ready.

You're in jail. Yes! Stay away, crazy tieflings! Okay. All right. I'm going to pull it up. Uh, roll a dexterity check. You can use, like, if you have sleight of hand as something that you're proficient in, you can use sleight of hand. Uh, 30, 30, 20. Okay. We're using sleight of hand or like an acrobatics? I just did straight dexterity check, but sleight of hand bonus is the same.

So, okay, great. All my bonuses are the same for decks. Cool. You wheel it out of there. It's a little bit like those, you know, those games where you have the circular metal object going around a pipe. If you touch it, you get the zap. It kind of feels like you're doing one of those, but every time the wall jingles as metal hits metal or wood hits wood, it makes you pause for a second, but you quite quickly you're able to withdraw the stick.

Okay, I'm going to ask Ulua because she has that alert thing coming back. How much time do we have? How much time do we have?

20 minutes, 32 seconds, and 2 nanoseconds. 23 minutes, 20 23 minutes. Alright. There's something weird about this shtick, but I'll look at it later. I'm gonna put that in my bag of holding. Okay, um And I look at, I, I walk up to, uh, Seraphina, uh, where she's, I forget what, I don't remember what things I took. Um, uh, I'm gonna walk up to her and I see that she's got like a cut on her cheek.

And I'm just gonna, like, wipe away at it and I go, um, Feel better, sweet thing. And cast Healing Word. Which is 2d4 plus. I'm lush. 2d4, d4, Larissa, d4. Where's my other d4? Aha, it's hiding. Yeah, hiddeh. Uh

oh. Shadoo!

Trying to, um, subtitle the sounds Jess makes when she throws her dice is, This is a highlight of making clips. Um, that is a total of six. Which puts you back in the ball.

What's happening? I don't know. Uh, we were figuring out how much time it was left, so I think we're On our way. We're on our way.

Uh, as you make your way, it's you're on your way over there and you see that this location, those of you who hadn't been here before, although many of you may have come down here for various reasons, touring, although locals very rarely act as tourists in their own cities. You see that deep beneath the city's foundations, far from the twinkling lights of the night sky, there's the starless observatory and this cavernous chamber was It's probably once a hub of religious research or religious belief, because there are some components of that that still stand.

But this circular room with its vast space, its domed ceiling lost into shadows high above, it actually holds intricate constellations and celestial maps that were painstakingly carved into the stone walls, but they're barely visible in this dim light. Their once gleaming inlays of precious metals and crystals and gems have long since been pried away by looters, leaving only the ghostly outlines of those components.

This is still used. This space is still used. And at the center of the chamber stands a massive apparatus, the heart of this space. It's a complex arrangement of brass rings, silver mirrors. They're all aligned with. Mathematical precision, and this kind of grand orrery is designed to track not the stars, but the ley lines, and in the research that has happened over recent time of understanding magic, and the influence on people's abilities and powers in terms of the divine, and the strange strengths that have pervaded the world over the last few centuries, it's all tracked with this tool.

Um, and researchers utilize this particular tool in the deep dark of the night when it's best to track those, those movements. And scattered around the room are just remnants of the research that is going and ongoing. There's some astrolabs, there's some scrying bulls and torn charts, other items that get left behind.

Uh, wooden tables are scarred with the various times of people just having late nights. research sessions and eating and relaxing and stressing over their research. Um, and off in the corner there's burning a small campfire, uh, and it's flickering glow casts dancing shadows upon those walls and momentarily brings illusions of the carved constellations.

Um, but This fire's warm glow kind of stands in contrast to an area of Underton that is a little cold, a little quiet, a little damp.

Near the fire you can make out there was a few bedrolls and a small pile of supplies.

Hello other adventurers. Um,

I guess I'll look around for Oksana. Go ahead and roll a perception check. Oksana.

Oh. Keen mind is the thing I need, not alert. Eighteen. But which I have, I have both.

Eighteen. Remind me I have a plus five. Oh, I never meant I do now. Shut up. Shut up. As Ulua speaks to herself,

Now looking around, you don't make out the figure of Oksana. Um, but with a campfire there, she can't be far. Um, if that is her campfire. Possibly seeing some activity here, uh, scared her off,

but as you're not seeing her, you do notice that the campfire and a little set up there looks like it's been set up for several days at least, if maybe not weeks.

Can I

look and see if I see, like, footprints that I would recognize as hers? Like a survival check kind of thing? Survival

check sounds lovely. Hang on. Sorry guys. Okay. Survivor check. Survival check.

I was trying to give it a clean cut. Uh, it's not gonna be good. It's not a queen cut anymore once you mention the queen cut.

Is it a nat 20? Because that was a big shitty grin. No. So is it a nat 1? No. 11! 11! Call that on! Uh,

You begin scouring the space looking for signs of Oksana, and unfortunately you're not finding signs of a person. You do see areas where someone might hide. Uh, the complex structure of the brass rings and such really provides a lot of cover. Um, so, you know, Just being a little wary as you wander around that section and you can see up at the top of the stone ceiling, it's really lost in darkness.

And you're kind of like marking locations where you think someone might be able to detect themselves. Um, there's also, Yeah, there's also broken tables. There's wall carvings. There's a couple of fallen pillars that look like they've been fallen for way too long to just be still there as fallen pillars.

They may have been preserved this way. Um, and then there are also just the scattered equipment and such, um, near the fire. You don't see any signs of an individual having moved in or out of that space. Okay. Um, I would like to pull out my lyre and start and sit down and start strumming it. Basically pretending to wait, but in actuality, like keeping my ear listening for something.

Cause I have boots of warning and I have alert, which means I can't be surprised.

If she does that, I would like to sneak off, like, into the shadows and just try to, like, not be seen. Okay, go ahead and Kassadin, roll a stealth check and Ulua, roll a performance check. If your deception is higher than your performance, go ahead and roll your deception. Ooh, ooh wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

They are the same. Is this rocky terrain because I'm in Underton? Yeah. Okay, I get advantage, yay. I'll let him go first. Ooh, first one was a 19, so okay, so 19, uh, 21. Awesome, you slide away into the shadows. Is there a particular area you would try to tuck yourself into? Uh, the Grand Orrery, the upper shadows of the dome, climbing up there, there's the broken tables, the wall carvings, pillars.

Yeah, maybe so I'm back out of the way, I'll climb up on the To the upper shadows of the dome. Mm hmm. So I can like, see everything, right? Yeah, you definitely have a great view from up here. Well, I rolled an 11! Which means it's 18. That's still pretty good. I know, it's not great. Especially for having a plus 7 bonus, but

Y'all better remember, you're just level 9, right? You're not even that high yet. No stressin Yeah, but, uh I mean, we never know what we're going up against with you, so Could be a deity to another culture, in the middle of a lake, or, you know. Or, or a ball of rats. Or a ball of rats. Yeah, you never went down and investigated that whole rat kingdom.

That's kind of sad. Uh, so I don't think I would fit. I think the other two would fit. I didn't think I was going to fit. It's my retirement plan. Uh, Seraphina, what are you up to? I'm just kind of standing or sitting, depending on Ulua, just being near her. Okay. Um Not necessarily doing anything.

So as you idle there, Ulua, you're playing your music, Gus has moved into a hidden location, um, time ticks down, and Ulua, you mentally know that it's time, if, if, if, if Oxana was going to be on time, it would be time.

And then you can hear it, faintly in the distance, someone trudging their way up the same pathway you came. Do I have a sense of whether it's time? Like, I would, I assume because we broom together on the top floor that I would know what her footsteps sound like. Roll a perception check.

Actually, roll an insight check. Forget perception. We'll use your, and roll with advantage since you do know Oksana. I was gonna say! Woo! Second was a net 20! It

does not sound like Oksana. But as you look to the entranceway, you see Oksana.

I guess some roommates are better than others. Thank you for joining us. Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe. And we'll see you next time on part two of this episode of Probability of Demise. Bye!