Probability of Demise

Welcome adventurers to Probability of Demise, the podcast where critical fumbles meet critical facepalms. Join us as we delve into the darkest dungeons, slay the stupidest gremlins, and roll enough ones to make a beholder weep. Forget epic storylines and heroic deeds. Here we celebrate the chaotic beauty of bad roles, questionable decisions, and characters with more charisma than sense.

We'll be your dungeon masters of disappointment, guiding you through campaigns where the only guaranteed treasure is a mountain of laughter, and maybe some psychic scarring. So grab your nat 1 dice, strap on your anxiety helmets, and prepare to witness the glorious trainwreck that is our D and D journey.

Because, in the end, it's Even if your character dies face first into a pile of pudding, at least you'll have the Dice God's permission to laugh your ass off.

Welcome back to Probability of Demise. The most sensual episode ever to occur will be tonight, or I, Tarrasque. Like, subscribe, leave a comment. Otherwise, they all die. No, thank you. Okay, cool. Word of the day. That's me, that's me, that's me, I'm ready. So today's word, folks, is a little funny. So, I have once again rolled my wonderful D100 that Jason got for me.

La la, la la. Um, and it rolled the wonderful number 69. Hey! It is the most sensual episode ever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't even plan that. We did it, team. We did it, Joe. We did it. One, uh, skill check to avoiding a Tarrasque. Wait, wait. That actually reminds me of a joke I heard recently. What, uh, what is 6. 9?

I, I don't have a single ounce of clue. It's, it's a good thing ruined by a period. We did.

Um, so yeah, that was like jokes,

so

I heard that and I giggled very hard. I was like funny.

I, I love the combination. Ew, funny

uh, and. And what I find even funnier about this is the word today, today's word is dicker.

To dicker is to talk or to argue with someone about the conditions of a purchase, an agreement or a contract. Used in a sentence, the merchant and the rogue began to dicker over the price of the enchanted dagger, each trying to outwit the other in their haggling. I think Jess has found the key. To the words you find a whole list of words that could be immediately used in a current episode, primed opportunity here.

I feel like there you go, folks. I'm so perfect. Um, exactly how you think. Uh, D I C K E R. I love how she just avoided that answer. I just wanted to make you say D I C K on the podcast. I'm going to cut that. Dick. It's going to be its own TikTok, just going D I C K at the end. Just like repeated, just recopy that part.

Last time our heroes found themselves traveling the labyrinthine hall of records, Ulua and Seraphina, um, hot on the trail of a mystery that could uncover the truth behind the suspicious death of Grand of Grands Brands, the latest of the Grands. After Gus was pulled away to a lawyerly meeting, Seraphina and Ulua took it upon themselves to dive deep into the archives.

First, of course, the journey began with a chaotic morning filled with awkward encounters and heartfelt conversations, finding homes. Seraphina, ever the tinkerer, has struggled a little bit with her automaton as well, while Ulua wrestled with her feelings about Oksana's new secretive behavior. The duo's adventure led them to the Hall of Records, where they met the grumpy yet efficient gnome, Scribble.

Despite a few missteps and some frantic messaging, they finally found themselves in a private study room surrounded by boxes of evidence. As they sifted through the inconsistencies and hidden clues, they discovered a mysterious tingle in a handwritten report. Just as tension has reached its peak, Ulua has placed her hand over Seraphina's to describe the magical tingle and yet Seraphina blushes.

Are

you guys replacing me with another gnome? What's going on here? Did you just walk in on us? Wait, what? No. No, it's just Jason wondering. Oh. Um. That's the pigeons off in the distance going, Hello! Wait a second! Hello! So, great. Remind Jessica, uh, both. Seraphina and Jessica were flustered by Pretty Lady Hand on her hand.

What were we actually doing again? Uh, well, Alouette hadn't gotten a chance to share with you because I found that to be the cliffhanger of joy that I needed at that moment. That's why Seraphina doesn't have a clue. So you don't have a clue, just like you don't have a clue. So it's really going to be up to Alouette to decide if she wants to break the tension, the stillness of the moment.

Her hand on yours, your blush deepening your already deep shade. Does it reach Violet, you're turning violet, Violet!

As I, as I take her hand and I put it on the text, um, I say, do you feel that too?

What? Hmm? Nope, I feel nothing. Feels great. There's like a weird It's like a tingling sensation, if you touch the text, do you feel that? Mm, mm, mm hm, mm hm, sure tingles, sure feel the tingles. Mm hm. Can you, I You're a little bit more magically inclined than I am. Maybe you should take a closer look? Yep, yep, sure can, can do that, mm hm, mm hm.

And I like, move aside, so she can Look at the text. So then I, you know, I look at the text and I'm like, Oh yeah, I do feel the tingle. Okay.

Um, yeah. Wanna be me? Be me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Ease into it. Uh, so yeah. I want to like, put down all my little magnifiers for my goggles. You know, just like do do do do do. And I'd like to, uh, you know what I'm gonna do? Ulua,

do you, do you think it's the text itself that's causing this, or this item? Like, I'm not sure if I should look at what it's saying, or if I should look at the item as a whole. I guess can I essentially roll the history check to Or like an investigation to figure out which I think it is. You can roll an Arcana check.

Oh,

I haven't done it in a while.

Ack! Ack! That's a much better roll. My thing was in my, um, My plug was in my tray and landed. So you're juicing your dice with electricity? Yes. Likely a story. The Shacking Experience! Uh, Hercana. She doesn't dice jail, her bad dice jail. She touched her dice and it had a tingle.

Um, ooh, oh, okay. That's a very nice roll. Uh, a natural 20. Ooh! Okay, um,

it's, the object itself is definitely tingly. Um, Whether, whatever that is, is affecting the object, or what's written on it, or how you see it, or all those things is still a mystery, but it's definitely, um, whatever this sentence is, it's, it's the object itself.

Okay, um, in that case, I would first like to cast identify on it. You cast Identify, and it is a report. It's a report about the death of Grand. It is a report about the death of Grand that has been falsified, and you can see that because now that you've used Identify, you can see the spells woven into this report.

It is heavily laden with

If you'll roll an Arcana check, I can let you know some of the illusion spells based on how well you roll. Yes, please. So, uh, you, and, skills, come on baby, yeah, ah, oh, okay, we're, it's not good, but it's not I thought. 15? Okay, with a 15, I think, um, you are very surprised at one of the first illusion spells on here, and it kind of distracts you from further analysis in this moment.

Uh, and so you're only captured by that one, which is a modification of the spell Magic Mouth. A modification wherein it acts as an alarm trigger. Letting things happen. Someone or something? No. When this report is being read

and based on the magical energies and everything and, and why it was revealed to you in this way, you know that it's been triggered.

Yeah. Uh, alu, um,

uh, so yeah, this is the report. There's a lot of illusions going on to hide and, you know, cover things. But, uh, it also has a, like, censure to tell someone when someone's reading this, so. Someone knows we're reading it. Okay. Um.

I'm going to wave my hand over it, um, and say, VIGA! And cast Dispel Magic.

Um, can you just remind me of the spell magic and what it does with your particular set of rockstar ness? Uh, choose any one creature, object, or magical effect within range. Any spell of 3rd level or lower on the target ends. For each spell of 4th level or higher on the target, make an ability check to use your spellcasting ability, or using your spellcasting ability.

dc equals 10 plus the spell's level. Unsuccessful check, the spell ends. I need you to roll that check. Okay. Three times. Ugh, okay. And my spellcasting modifier is plus So I, it's plus three? Yeah, so you'll add your spellcasting modifier to what you roll. Okay.

Witch die.

We'll go with you. Okay. You're probably going to betray me. That's a natural 20! Mmm, it's a 23. Mmm, mmm. Ayyyyy! Ay, ay, ay. Seraphina, as you, as she's doing this motion over the document, you immediately lose connection with that, um, magic mouth spell as it is dissolved. And it kind of like helps you see that there's another layer, but you don't even have a second to observe it before Ulua, second roll,

before Ulua poops,

before you see the second layer of illusion flood away and you see some diagrams. Dissolve into different shapes and reform themselves on the report. Do I switch die, or do I stick with this one? Because it's going down. Stick with it. There you go. It's currently treating you well, and if you abuse it by abandoning it, what will happen?

I mean, just now that doubt you put, maybe you should roll different dice. As I, I just cast it. Uh, 16? Uh, you're stopped from getting to this next layer. Um, Seraphina, you can feel that there's still a tingle to the document. And you're not sure, it's still illusory magic and you're aware of that much. But beyond that you're unable to tell what it is in this moment.

Um, but two spells have been peeled off and new visuals have been revealed on the document.

Oh, I need to mark that I used that spell. Hmm.

Do you? Surely you think everyone working here is aware that this document was altered, right? Like, we don't need to tell anyone? Like, maybe if we told someone, they could get this, find the other, like, layers of the spell out. And we could really read it. It really depends on who put it there. What I wish we could do is we could

How quickly can you write?

Okay, well I would like to get a piece of paper and demonstrate my writing skills. LAUGHS Well, I don't know if I need a roll for how quick I can write, but what I'm, what I'm thinking is maybe we write down the things that changed so that we can, um, we can report them at least a sticky beak and then that might at least give us leads that we can follow.

Um, and because I have keen mind, I should be able to know everything that was changed. Correct? Um, I don't mind using keymine in that way. I mean, it's just, uh What's it says? You remember everything you've read or

Yeah, you, you, you can accurately recall anything you've seen or heard within the past month. Oh, seen or heard. Yeah, seen, so Yeah, so Gotta love an eidetic memory! That's kind of where I see that as being. So, like, At least to me, if you and Seraphina collaborate to, to see the differences that have happened and to you, Ulua, pointing out this one is different and Seraphina, you sketching the, the, because what you saw, Seraphina, was mostly the diagrams and visual components of this report were changed.

The words, not so much, but there were some words that were attached to the diagrams that had changed with that removal. Yeah. So, yeah, quickly capturing all of that, um, and capturing the discrepancies between the two, the official version from before and the now revealed version, uh, I would say from Seraphina, I would just need you to do a bit of a performance check, but we're going to call it an intelligence based performance check because it's really you copying things over.

So, as she does that, as she goes to do that, I'm going to kind of like, just gently put my hand on her back.

And say, you are brilliant. I know you can, I know you'll be great at this. And cast inspiration. And Seraphina passes out. Um, she blushes once again. As Jessica makes a roll. Okay. So like, so wait, how am I rolling this? Just for fun. Just for fun. Just be having a lark in my head here. Ulua, could you roll a Persuasion check?

Like you're, you're bolstering her up here. And Seraphina, I want you to roll a Constitution saving throw. Okay. If you beat Ulua's persuasion check here,

I will say that you just have advantage because you're able to main concentration in the face of flirting on this roll, rather than the point increase. If you don't, you will get the inspiration, but there's going to be a consequence later. Oh, okay.

Okay. So wait, what am I doing again? You're rolling a constitution saving throw. Oh, just a saving throw. Constitution, okay. A little what you get for your No, I want to hear what she rolled first. 27? Oh my god! Twenty eight! You still have my one LUSO got you. Oh my god. I knew I was having you both roll some of your higher stats.

But Oh my gosh, if I had had you do like an intelligence saving throw, you would have met it, wouldn't you? Brains over emotions.

That is so funny. I thought I was gonna like, smack you out of the water. Oh my god. Oh no, I knew I was having her roll one of her highest and you roll one of your highest, but I just was like, let's have a little fun here. So you still get Bardic Inspiration. What did you roll, Vlad? I rolled a 19. Then plus 7, and then plus 1.

So did I! Oh my god, that's terrible, sorry. Alright, so, Seraphina, go ahead and roll your Intelligence check. Um, It could be an investigation check. It could be a history check. Um, but it's whatever you think is how you, your arcana, it's how you're applying your thinking process to reviewing the different images and copying them over.

I'm not so much worried about like your dexterity for copying or anything else like that. This is legitimately like you maintaining that record as a Ulua reminds you of what it had before. It's like a Speed typing test. Yes. Speed versus accuracy. So, and this is an intelligence. And you do have Bardic Inspiration that you can utilize.

And I think actually you're forced to utilize it, just because of the compromised emotional state you're in. Sorry. So should I use Arcana, History, or Investigation for something like this? That is up to you and how you think your character um, would go about these sketches. I do not have a preference. I guess I'm leaning, even though it's technically less, towards history because I don't think it'd be Arcana.

I feel like it'd be history because like I'm, I don't know, I think it's history. Yeah, I mean it could also be religion too but I, but I want to base this off of like where you think Seraphina would go. spent the most time in her writing zone. So if it was while doing, like, investigations on the history of different arcane tools and machines and stuff like that, history makes sense to me.

If it was about, like, specific magic spellcraft and, like, writing down magic spells or scrolls or whatever, or runes or whatever, that might be Arcana. If it was, like, in your religious studies class that you were forced to attend every day by Miss Sister Caprescia of the Doom Brigade. I don't know, I'm making up a fake religion here on the spot.

Um, then it might be religion, etc, etc, etc. So you really do what you think it's history. Okay. What is the, Larissa, what is your bonus now? What dice? Bardic Inspiration die? Uh, D8. D8. Which is This one? Nope. Uh, double pyramid. Double pyramid. Okay. Whoa.

So with everything 26. I rolled an eight on your, your inspiration. Love always wins.

Okay. So, yes, you are successful in this copy effort, in this editing over and changing things out. Um, and you have

that secondary copy of these diagrams and information. I'm going to Pull away for a moment from the two of you in your, um, time alone. Really the first time you've been alone together in quite a while. Like ever. As you sketched the last bit and you look up into Ulua's eyes, Seraphina. Gus. Aye. You have been pulled to the Hall of Records by your lawyer, And they have some contracts before you.

They have some additional information that they're going over. And it's been honestly what most of us would think about as a long extenuating experience with legal mumbo jumbo. But you may have a different take on that. Gus, the important thing here is your home is secure. And if you sign this document here, in order to get at your home, once again, they are going to leave a huge gaping legal loophole that will put every single magical factory, magical farm, all of the other places that are polluting our city at risk of closure.

and being taken over by people who are responsible and care for our world. So let's take advantage of their evil and turn it against them. All you gotta do is sign here and proclaim yourself an artist as an artist. Does this mean I actually have to start uh trying to sell my paintings now? Well, if you look really closely here at the Secondary Clause of the Third Amendment, the sale of your paintings, because they are an exclusive item of high value, is a fairly rare event.

It's expected that it may take you a while to produce, and so, as long as they sell at a reasonably high markup, we should be solid. That cost me next to nothing to make, so anything is really a high markup. Uh, but I'm not going to sit here and dicker over the details. If this will save my house, I'll sign.

Word of the day! Word of the day!

You have my appreciation. This has been the most fruitful set of legal entanglements in which to embroil myself. I will tell you, uh, Mr. Do you mind if I just call you Gus? Please. Mr. Gus. Just Gus is fine. Okay, just Gus. Uh, I'm gonna waive all my legal fees for you because you have brought in such a hefty bit of business and I see a future relationship even just from your connection with uh, uh, Miss Gant Skank?

Scoot? And if you're going about those things, I would like to offer my services to you, uh, I just see a rich relationship forming here. Agreed. Thank you. That's very generous of you. He reaches out and offers you his hand. Ah, well, anything else you need? Uh, Um, no, I don't, I don't think so. I'll take the whatever and sign my name on the contract.

Alright. You sign your name, it is witnessed by the government official who's present there. A stamp is issued. Um, and you can feel signed and notarized as Yes, exactly. You can feel that the, the, the notarization is actually a magical notarization of some sort. Uh, definitely sealed with magic to prove its authenticity.

Um, well I'll be off. Uh, good luck to you. Uh, thank you very much. You are about faces and turns away and begins to leave the all of record. After you leave, I'm going to do a little dance, and then I'm going to realize the notary is still there and be like, have a nice day, and then I'm just going to walk out.

The notary just Turns their head away. Pretends they didn't see and then as you like get to the door frame, you just hear a high pitched giggle. Um, do I know where they went? You do not. Um, they were here in I'm in the house of records also, right? You are in the hall of records. You did not know if they were going to be here or not.

Um, Vaguely was in the plan, but are they here yet? You don't know. Um, you do go ahead and roll a perception check as you're like looking around and trying to think about where your friends are. All right. I don't know if you can see it. I got a rainbow dice for Gus.

That is so cool. I love that. I love the semi translucent rainbow dice. They're fun. What am I rolling? Uh, perception? Yes. Perception check. That's a 12. Rainbow dice doesn't even like me. All right. Yeah. Um, watch that little bird fly off into the distance. It is a busy, uh, time at the governmental offices and you've just stepped outta the hall of records.

Um, there is additional, there are additional injuries to the hall of records. You were in the place for legal components. There's the section and entrance for, um, actual city records. There are, there's just the library component to it as well. Or you could go to other sections of this governmental complex in the Hall of Council.

You're, you are familiar with the jail. You've been there recently. Um, you could go visit your old leech friend. Uh, lish friend. I don't know how to say that word. I keep it, getting told I say it wrong. So, whatever. I might call it the lick after a while. The Lick. Wrath of the Lick King. The Wrath of the Lick.

Uh, you could even go into some of the higher ranking, um, watch offices that are located here. Although most of the watch, uh, spaces and, and, and locations are scattered throughout the city. Um, because having resources closer to where patrols are happening and such, it makes much more sense than having it all centralized at the Hall of Council.

Although you can't tell that to the Hall of Records. Who believes that it all should be centralized? Disgusting how government doesn't listen to itself.

Um, so just because me as a player was not here. Um, when I left them, did I know that I didn't know that they were going to come here? I believe you had talked about it before, um, the division, before you split up. I believe that you had, you had all talked about going to the hall of records. Um, but I. If you, if Gus wouldn't have remembered that, or that wouldn't have been part of Gus's thinking, then you could discard that.

Um. Did you play Gus? Did you do my accent? I did. Really badly. Like, you now have to throw in, what was the other part that I added to it? I made it worse. Did you make me Irish or something? I feel like you tend towards Irishness. I do tend towards that, but that's not what I did that time, I don't think, I think I, I think I gave you like a little bit of Shatner in there?

I don't know. Yeah, that was it. Have you seen my friends in the Hall of Records? Yes. Yeah. Okay, I'm gonna go, is there like an information desk? Yes, there is. Um, And you know where that is, so you, you, uh, walk over inside the other vestibule that leads into the centralized information desk and you see a small gnomish figure, hard at work, scratching out on some huge, uh, ledger of some sort while sorting through other tomes, and clearly very busy, very focused.

Is there a bell? Um, yes. There, there's a bell. . I'm gonna like reach up. Can I see over the counter or is this like a human sized counter? Um, even though it has, it's a no mish individual behind the counter, but they're sitting up on a tall stool. So it's a bit of this situation where you know that there's the counter, you reach up, but your eyes can still see.

Respect. Beep! Ah! What? What do you need? What do you need? This counter isn't really made for you or me, is it? That's why I have a stool. I was wondering, I was wondering, um, no, I'll be, I'll be going soon. I was wondering if you'd perhaps seen my friends that might have come through. I don't know your friends.

Uh, their names are Andua and Seraphina. Due to regulations within the governmental complex and the Hall of Records, I am unable to reveal the names, titles, or other pertinent information of individuals without written authorization. Do you have such authorization available on your person at this time? I do not.

Well then, you're out of luck! Thanks, this is really not helpful. What was that? What? I'm just gonna walk away.

Um, is there like a A janitor or another worker that I could just like, saddle up to. Uh, why don't you roll a, um, I want to, I want this to be in the charisma land. So, um, just you trying to like, find somebody in a pretty quiet area and saddle up to them in a way that doesn't like, draw attention. So if you could roll, gosh, I feel like this has got to be like a, a deception check of sorts.

Deception! It's great! Uh, 22. Every fucking time you say it. Yeah, you, um, you kind of slip around a little bit, um, lose visual tracking of the gnome. And you're able to sidle up to an individual with covered in fur. They appear to be putting together maybe a globe? Some sort of spherical object within a stand.

Hey, whatcha doin there? Uh, updating the records. Hey, little one. Hi, how are you doing? I'm okay. I'm just trying to find some friends. I can't find them. Oh, I can't find my friends either. I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah, me too. What do your friends look like? Well, um, and you see them kind of look at you to the side and their eyelashes back slowly up and down.

They're small. They have a nice beard. Covered in paint. Um, they're kind of cute. Thanks. Are you a friend? Yeah. My um, my other friends, uh, one of them is very tall and she's a combshare and then the other one is, uh, she has a lot of horns and like very messy hair and wears goggles. Oh yes. I remember them.

Oh, did you see them come through here? Yeah, uh, the the tall one got a little lost for a moment, but then the, there was there was all the voices, and the voices helped. It was kinda sweet. What, what, what? We could have been sisters. What, what voices are we talking about? You know, the voices when the walls talk.

Oh yeah, those voices. You know, do you happen to know which way they went? Yeah, yeah, I do. Cool, could you, could you tell me?

I could try, um, You'll still be my friend though, right? Of course. Roll a persuasion check. Unless it's a deception, in that case roll a deception check. Don't tell me which. Fourteen.

Oh, okay. I'll do my best. Thank you. And I began plotting up. You're a good friend to Oh, that's so good of you to say, you know, we could be more than friends. Are you looking for a girlfriend? I'm not sorry. I, uh, I lost my wife and I'm, I'm in mourning forever. Oh. How'd she get lost? Uh, she died. She, uh, yeah.

Oh, that's not getting lost. As you continue to march up and down stairs. It's a way of getting lost. I feel like these things that are ways of things don't make much sense.

Well, here we are. They're in one of those doors. All right, roll up a reception check. How many doors are we looking at here? Son of a bitch. Um, eight. New night, didn't work out very well. Did you warm them up? I did, I've been sitting here rolling it the whole time. You guys been playing at the screen around with it.

Unlike Seraphina and Ulua, who came to this location when it was quiet, it is now apparently quite busy. Uh, you make out a number of figures sitting over small desks in an outside shared area. Um, as well as individuals that are like leaning up against near doors that lead to what you know from your history on the watch as, as an investigator, as private rooms that can be used for reviewing records.

Um, and from everything that you've been able to gather here, you can infer quite easily that your friends must be in one of these rooms, reviewing some of those records. But there's just a lot of people here.

Alright, um, I'll go see if I can find them. Thanks again for all your help. Really busy here. I'm gonna go away. Okay. Too many people. Alright. You have a lovely day. Yes, I've gotta finish the world. Okay, good luck. More patience and glue, but thank you, you're a good one. Thank you, so are you. Aww, sweet. And they kind of plod their way down, and you're in this space, and there's just a number of individuals who all appear to be engaged in some sort of activity.

They all appear to be very busy here. Can I like get closer and figure out what the activity is? Or are they all like doing different things? How are you just like kind of sidling up and checking out what people are doing? Maybe just like strolling past and like glancing at what people are doing. Roll an insight check.

Nope, I didn't see shit. That's a six. You're in jail. It's hard to figure out what exactly they're doing. You don't. What I will say is you don't remember. There ever being this many people in the public spaces of the Hall of Records?

I'm just gonna go up to, like, the nearest group to me. Just be like, Excuse me, have you seen a I'll give, like, a similar description to what I gave to the other person. Roll another insight check, this time with advantage.

Seventeen. Hey! They cover it quickly, but even as you share and interrupt, you could see that they were distracted or they weren't really attending to what was right in front of them. But as you shared the description of Seraphina and Ulua, there was a moment, there was a micro expression, if you will, where they revealed to your keen investigators eye that they knew exactly who you were talking about.

And they covered it quickly, but you can sense a wariness in regard to you and the fact that you have this description.

Um, I don't know who you're speaking of.

You probably don't want to be on this floor. It's a flurry of activity. We have some research to catch up on over here. Actually, what's all the research about? It seems very busy. Oh, you know, uh, different performative magics, you know, we have to, uh, get ready for the city that it is approaching, of course.

Ah, yes, the famous flying city of rich people, yeah. Yes, well, I can see that you're not enamored of those folks, but uh, You're not in terrible company with that, but we are quite busy here and we kind of, um, unofficially are claiming this particular area for our study. So if you'll move along it would be really kind of useful.

I'm gonna like just wave my hand and cast a minor illusion and just cast like a little floating illusion of the city, the flying city. Oh. Uh, fellow illusionist, I see. Uh, a devil. Oh, and uh, is that the extent of your capacities or? Um, I know, I know a thing or two. Oh, well if you're looking for work, um, you might want to talk with the boss.

Uh, where do I find the boss? Um, she's hosted up there next to the door, but this might not be the best time. Um, maybe a little later you can meet us and he provides an address. Um, can you roll a history check? 12.

12 is enough. Um, it takes you a moment.

That's the same address that a while ago. Ulua and Seraphina approached following someone that led to the rooftop murders. Oh yeah, those rooftop killers, never caught, very scary. Um, okay, I will, uh, oh, I think I know where that is, thank you. What was that? I said I think I know where that is, thank you, I'll check it out.

Great. Well, for now, um, we're kind of a open but closed session if you understand what I'm saying. Of course. I've been sorry to disturb you. Thank you for your help.

I guess fireball. That's good. I walk away. Um. Rirk's like, do it. Someday I'm going to get fireball and I have to stop making that joke because Rirk will take it literally when I say it. At least I can joke about it now because I don't have it.

Um. But you are being, you can, you, it's very obvious that they are stonewalling you and trying to get rid of you. I'm going to go. So there's like a landing that like came and then like, I can see all this area. I'm just going to go back up there and just hang out. Trying to like, just, just wait for my friends to show up.

It seems pretty clear. They're like in one of these rooms. So I'll just wait. Yeah, great. Go ahead and just roll a stealth check just to see how unobserved you are.

Does he get, uh, advantage because he's tiny? And below eye level? Nope. Rocky terrain? Nope. You have, Bard, you have inspiration from the word of the day. You do have DM inspiration, don't you? I don't know if you want to use it here, but. Alright, 19. Hey! You are a book. In a bookshelf. To all eyes. I am the knight.

I am a terror that flaps in the night. A librarian almost tries to put you in the best place because you're incorrectly cataloged. You are so stealthily tucked away. Seraphina and Ulua. You've shared this moment. Spells have been dissipated. Notes have been made. We don't know what's happened since the last moment of silence, and we'll let the listeners fill in as they wish.

But you're done in this record's room. What are you two up to? Having finished your tasks and other engagements, if any. Well, I Is there anything else you can think of that we should do with this? I can't I couldn't quite get past the last There's one more There's another set of spells that just wouldn't I couldn't Sorry, I'm just frustrated.

No! No no no no no no! You can't Don't Please! No need to be frustrated. Uh, you know what? Let me have a look. You know, maybe, maybe it just needed you to like, scratch at the surface and then I'll, I'll dive in. I'm gonna look at the book one more time just as a one last ditch effort to try to um, impress my crush.

And I'm gonna, are you casting an identifi spell again or are you doing what are doing? No, I'm gonna, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna, um, okay, let me think about this legitimately. Okay, so I know that there's something, a locking this, so can I,

I mean, I'm sure the DC will just be really high, but can I basically just have another look at it? Now knowing that somehow that there is an illusion present. Like, like when you get those like mystery boxes, like you know that they open. You just gotta figure out how it opens. So maybe like I can see like And like the mystery boxes, you don't have a clue to the next step.

So this will literally be a high DC role to figure this out, but I need to understand what you're doing in order to get that role. Like, are you, like, what are you actively doing to, like, are you just pawing back through it and looking for clues? Are you, um, are you trying to, Utilize some of your tools.

Are you, like, what are you actively doing to try to decode this? Since you're not using magic, which is fine. You don't need to use magic to solve things. Magic is not the answer to everything, but I just need to know what you're trying to do.

I want to go back and maybe use my, like, thievery tools and see, no, not thievery, my tinkering tools, to see if Maybe like, uh, because you have alchemy tools, carpentry tools, smith tools, thieves tools, tinkering tools. You've got a lot of tools. You're, you are equipped with stuff.

You know what, can I try my alchemy tools and see if like. Maybe one of my, like, substances, like,

You know, like, like evolving, or just like, um, disappearing ink. You know, you have to have the pen with that correct solution to be able to show the ink. Maybe it's something like that? So maybe they, like, used a fancy ink to, like, cover something?

Okay. I mean, probably not, but. You got that. I like that, that this is where you're thinking. What I would love you to do is go ahead and roll a, I think this is part of your investigation, but it's an Arcana check. So it's an invest Arcana. It's an invest, a magical. Invest Arcana. Invest Arcana. Okay, so,

that's it, that's the one. So I'm using my Arcana, like, stats, basically, stats, is that the right word? Yeah. Okay. Come on, die. Make me look good in front of my crush. Okay. Okay. No, our clock. There we go. 15, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25. Okay, with a 25, what I would like to say is, um, and let's do this from Ulua's perspective.

Ulua, you watch as Seraphina carefully scrapes a minuscule amount of the silver ink that is and she crushes it in her mortar. And she's muttering something, maybe it's a little bit of orthomaturgy, a quick little cantrip business as she's doing it. And the powder flares briefly, and you can see that there's something that was identified in that moment.

Something about the elemental or chemical makeup of the ink itself. And then you see her take some cotton swabs. And she begins to brush. rub them along the report. Each rubbing gets placed into its own special vial and its own special solvent one by one. And she continuously does this collecting first from the report and then dipping them into their vials with various things.

And you see some dissolve and some react a little bit, but not anything in any extravagant way. There's, there's nothing truly powerful, at least under this solvents test. Then she. You see her light a burner, a Bunsen burner, set it up, and she lifts the report over it, which, it's a paper report, parchment, that's fire, but she's careful not to ignite it, and she is glancing and looking at the paper very carefully, all of her little doodahs all down at her eyes, making her eyeballs just seem ginormous as they're refracted back through them, and She seems to be a little bit of excitement coming, emanating from her as she, she sees something.

And then, with all these thoughts in her head, whatever she's doing, who knows what it is, she's gotten super focused. It's almost like you don't exist in the room. And you know that she has a hard time not seeing you existing in the room. She begins to brew this little tiny concoction. This, this, it looks like ink, and she carefully dips her brush and brushes it across the report.

And Seraphina, you see little hidden symbols and markings of Arunic language.

I immediately look at Ulua to see if she's impressed, I go, huh. Actually, huh.

Um, so before I react to that, um, I just want to, so basically now I would, I'm at least like seeing what the language is that the spell is being cast or what, do I understand what this means? You can see as can Seraphina that there are runes written across which are what's holding the magic. Okay. Um. What languages do you both speak?

Both speak? I don't think a lot. Well, I know like, Seraphina has Common, of course everybody has Common. Yeah. Giant, Infernal, and the We Don't Talk About That Language one. Bruno? We don't talk about thieves. This is why we're married! Did you see, did you hear that? Yeah. I have Comprehend Languages. Are you casting that?

Yes.

But it's one of my rune shapers, so I gotta rub my little charm on my horn.

You rub the little charm on your horn. And Comprehend Languages, does it let you know what language it's in or does it just give you what it says? The literal meaning of any spoken language you hear, you also understand any written language that you see, but you must be touching the surface on which the words are written.

So it doesn't,

here's the thing that this does, it doesn't decode secret messages in a text or glyph. So then no, it wouldn't work. Um,

I, like, you can see it and you understand it, but you don't know the language. Yeah, but you, you comprehend it, but it's gibberish because it is truly a secret message buried in a different language that you don't know, but you can see it right now. So then in that case, uh, Once I awkwardly look at Ulua to see if she is impressed, I will scribble out what I see.

So that we can add that to what we've already done. Okay. Go flurble the puma. Fetch him. Um, um, um, um. Birdie, birdie, birdie, birdie, birdie. Um. There's like a random, like, picture of a seagull, like, carved in it. You don't know what that means, but Um, okay. So now that I see the runes, I, do I, like, instinctively know if that would give me a better shot at cracking that last layer?

No. No, it's, it's definitely, at this point, with all the things that you've all applied to it, I would say that you are going to need to get a third opinion, or a third view, because, With the number of success slash failures through this, You're kind of exhausting the options and, and, unless you have something really specific and particular that you think would work, it's gonna be just kind of like, you're going up a steeper incline as you do this.

Okay. You gotta bring new ideas or new resources to bear. Okay. Um Like, I would recast that spell. Okay. I do have another idea. Yeah. Um, since we are in the holo cons I don't know why that always is hard for me to say. Holo council. I swear it's worth getting me back for Celius. Um,

we could see if possibly Sir Gregor would, would, um, uh, um be able to help?

I'm sure we could I still think it's probably a good idea to let someone in charge know that this has been altered and that we were able to remove some of the layers but not all of them. Well, I think he would probably be

someone to do that. I mean, we could start a sitter. As long as, what, what I will say is if, if he asks us if we've copied or done anything with the information, let's just say no for now. Um, let's not let him know that we've, we've made copies. Um, but Why would it be bad that we made copies?

Just so that Well, okay, so think of it this way. If, for some reason, he is Because obviously someone in charge did this, right? So, but we don't know where along whatever chain of command and authority. So, if he is already aware of this, he is not going to want

extra copies. of the correct information getting out. And he could just say to us, Oh, well, thank you for bringing this to my attention. I'll do something about it. Right. So I just think we, we, you know, if you want, I can try doing the talking, um, especially since, you know, I'm more acquainted. Um, but we could, We could at least see if, if, if he's willing to try to break the third.

There was one more layer that I couldn't quite get.

Let's see what he says. That'll be a good test too, right? Yeah, see if, see how he reacts and depending on how he reacts, it might indicate if he has something to do with it. Okay, so, I remember where his office is. Um, I think we have to return, well, I'm trying to remember, is there a key to the door? Uh, yeah, you have the key.

Okay, um, There's one key. Okay, right, right, right. Um, well let's go return this, return the key to Scribble. Um, But let him know that we're just bringing the text down the hall. To have a second set of eyes look at it. Or third, I guess. Set of eyes look at it. Circ record. Okay? Okay! Um, Before we go, And I just kind of, As I'm like, turned towards the door, But I'm assuming, are you still like, facing The, the text?

No looking at you. Okay. Um, I'm just gonna kind of like lean back up against where it was and just kind of go along the line and be like, that was kind of brilliant. You know that right?

Yeah, man, it was nothing. Yeah, I just figured it out. You know, you did all the work. I, like I said, you, you got it going. I just finished it. Don't sell yourself so short. Okay.

And then I kind of push off and head towards the door.

You both head out the door, Ulua leading. Uh, the door opens and you hear, and I would like you to both roll a Dexterity saving throw first. Jesus. Okay. Uh, Who's feeling like a Dex y motherfucker? Okay.

And Gus, you'll hear this as well, however, you'll have surprise due to your sneakiness. If there's anything there. Unnatural 20. Okay. 15. Uh, Seraphina, you hear the words, grab him! As soon as the door is open and both of you have stepped out. Yeah, we forgot, someone knew we were here. A fairly big group of individuals, um, and as they shout, grab them, Ulua, you dodge aside just in time to avoid a big bag being pulled over your head.

Seraphina, you do not. And you are very quickly, as two people work together, blinded and unable to see people around you. And the other thing that occurs simultaneously with this, Ulua and Seraphina, is that suddenly you can't hear anything.

Gus, you see this happen, Seraphina covered, somebody tried to do that to Ulua, but fumbled their, their grab. And in this moment where the ostensibly busy individuals have suddenly turned to, um, targeted and focused. activity, we are going to stop

and find out next week what sort of action is going down as Seraphina and Ulua are potentially being kidnapped right in front of Gus's eyes. Thank you for joining us on Probability of Mize. Make sure you like, subscribe, leave a message. Do you know how long it's going to be until the next time we actually get our act together and get on here?

Yeah, Larissa and I are going on vacation, so it's like two and a half, three weeks before we figure out what happens next. For us. For you all, it's next week. You're fine.

What are friends if they're not there to torture you? Like, subscribe, check out our merch, uh, Seraphina showed the shirt just a second ago, but we love you all and hope you find your pod, cause I got mine, you don't get em, uh, uh, thank you and bye. Bye