Probability of Demise

Welcome adventurers to Probability of Demise, the podcast where critical fumbles meet critical facepalms. Join us as we delve into the darkest dungeons, slay the stupidest gremlins, and roll enough ones to make a beholder weep. Forget epic storylines and heroic deeds. Here we celebrate the chaotic beauty of bad roles, questionable decisions, and characters with more charisma than sense.

We'll be your dungeon masters of disappointment, guiding you through campaigns where the only guaranteed treasure is a mountain of laughter, and maybe some psychic scarring. So grab your nat 1 dice, strap on your anxiety helmets, and prepare to witness the glorious trainwreck that is our D&D journey.

Because, in the end, it's Even if your character dies face first into a pile of pudding, at least you'll have the Dice God's permission to laugh your ass off.

Welcome back to Probability of Mize. The session that you've already liked, loved, shared, and twitterpated over is here for you. And now you're putting a comment down about how twittery you are and your patience. Um, really loving having you all here today and I love the face that Jason is making which is kind of the goal at this point.

Oh, oh, oh, that's me, that's me. Hi everyone. So, once again, it is time for our wonderful segment of Word of the Day, as the jingle said. And, uh, today, once again, um, our number is selected by our marvelous D100 via Jason. My favorite thing ever. Uh, and today, we rolled 34. And today's word My favorite number!

Sorry. Really? Yeah! I didn't know that! Now you know! Everyone, comment below what your favorite number is, because that's really interesting. Um, but today's word If you guess just Jason or my number, because Larissa just gave it away, um, you get DM Inspiration to give to any of us. Ooh! Oh, because I gave mine away.

Well.

Today's word of the day is Zeitgeber. Um, this is basically something that helps to, uh, rework your inner clock. Um, it can be both biological and, like, man made. So, think of day going into night. That's gonna reset your clock. You know, your sleep patterns and whatnot. Uh, used in a sentence, The ancient sundial in the village square acted as a zeitgeber for the town folk, ensuring their daily activities were in sync with the natural rhythms of the world.

And, it is spelled Z E I T E. G E B E R. All of the E's. That's such a good word. I definitely do not have that in my vocabulary. Like, so many of the words I've been like, yeah, I know that one. Yeah, I've used that one. And this one I'm like, eh? That's not a word. You're making this up. Oh, wow. Cool. Now you know.

You came out from beneath Overton, from the, the section of the Underton community, and traveled to, uh, back to where the temple is located, actually got a little bit of an update, shared with Maximo the information regarding, uh, what's happening with, uh, With, uh, the temple, he seems like he's going to be going into action in some way, uh, and has clearly, uh, obfuscated his actual purpose there, uh, to avoid some of those, uh, installments in slowing life down that might occur when the higher ups know a little too much, or more than is good for them.

At any rate, uh, Our team here is headed in to, uh, a couple of shops after having negotiated the sale of some mushrooms, um, to a lovely little innkeeper that, that, er, not innkeeper, uh, shroomkeeper, now, apparently, because she's got a wealth of those, which you will be partaking 10 percent of, um, according to what you shared.

You also did some ideas. Identifying spells of various things and sundries. Um, and Seraphina, you didn't tell me what you're going to disconnect from your attunement slots in order to attune to this thing so I haven't decided yet. I think that when you decide that, that's when the attunement will need to happen, because I am Excited.

Um, at any rate, uh, Alula also has one of the items, uh, it actually contains some of that God's Breath. Thank you, actually, Larissa, for reminding me of what it was called, because I was stumbling over my words last time going like, It's God something. It's okay. Don't know. I don't write shit down, but I do remember some things sometimes.

You got this necklace, it's full of that God dammit. Smegma. No. I just grossed myself out. I'm gonna be sick for a little bit. Heh. Uh, yeah, so, and, uh, the plan for the rest of the day today, uh, as you're kind of doing your shopping, was to do a shopping, uh, day, as far as I understood. So you're headed over, next door really, to the blacksmith and, or, magic shop, there, uh, Literally doors facing each other down a little narrow alley off the temple district.

How convenient indeed. So, everything is set into play. You've been able to do what you've been able to do. Whatever that is. You are a little bit wealthier for your recent transactions and So you sold something else too and I forgot what it was. The books! Oh yes! There was a whole thing where you went into the bakery!

Um, I forgot! Baked books! And, uh, actually established a connection with the proprietress of the baked books, who also happens to be a collector, let's say, um, that's the polite way of describing a Her predilection for, um, obtaining tomes of tantalizing subjects such as tax law 101. She apparently runs a dog rescue for books, which is interesting.

You know, you gotta, you gotta keep those things safe. There's a lot of similarities, I'm sure. Uh, but some baked goods are actually in your hands as you left anyways, so. Um, lovely, lovely situation that you find yourselves in, gnawing on a half a baguette and a crusty croissant. Uh, as you're headed down this little alleyway, and to your left is, uh, a sign that says Magnificent Marble, because part of it's been chopped off by some sort of accident or such.

And on the other side is a sign that says Bladesworth.

Alright, so we're gonna look at weapons for a while. Swords! Is there a coffee shop? Uh, you just left the bakery. We just came from one. Um, you do recall that back in the little market where you made the deal around the mushrooms, uh, there was a beverage stand of some sort. They may have coffee. Mostly just wondering where our drunk friend who's about to buy a sharp weapon, you know,

to the blacksmith. I would like to go into the blacksmith. Mm hmm. I'd like to leave the charge. You go to go into the blacksmith and plunk as you smack into the door. It is locked.

I'm gonna knock and go, excuse me. You hear loud noises from within. I need you to, uh, show, uh, and it's just like, unintelligible uttering and your little voice is not coming across, how are you going to, uh, make yourself heard? Um, you see, Burick this, this is a great question and as I contemplate the perfect decision that I am going to do Bye bye.

By not stalling at all Okay, here we go. I'd like to cast Thaumaturgy. Um I feel like you should read this out loud to us in detail, because I just love what this is doing. Because you already said you did it. Yeah. So no takesies backsies. No takesies backsies. So You manifest a minor wonder, a sign of supernatural power within range.

You create one of the following magical effects. Um, and I wanted it to Sound that originates from the point of your choosing, such as a rumble, thunder, cry, yin, and sleep, pause, an unlocked door, tube, or window to fly open or slam shut. You alter the appearance of your eyes. Oh, change your appearance of your eyes?

Why would you need that? Um, I would like to I'd like it to make my voice boom.

Up to three times. Yeah. I want to knock and just go, excuse me. Okay, so you say, excuse me. Yeah. Trickling thaumaturgy each time as this, this cantrip is just such an innate part of who you are and what you do. You, you have basically turned up the bass. And instead of hearing, Excuse me, I need, we hear, EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME, I WOULD LIKE A SWORD, PLEASE.

And, doors and windows slam open behind you. With the loudness of what you've just done, as the people at the mage space peek heads out, and it's apparently a very well, uh, A well patroned location, because there's any number of individuals poking their heads out, disturbed from their various activities.

activities and you hear one person in the upstairs space of the place across the street that's just right behind you scream, Oh no, I lost concentration. And then loud crashing noises behind you. And eventually, the pounding in front of you stops and you hear stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp. And a mechanical whirring.

The door opens and it does not open as most doors of this town do. This opens by sliding into a pocket. Ooh! I love those doors. I love a good sliding door. And you are looking at the lower half of a very large machine, and you hear a voice say,

Welcome, what you need?

Hello, need sword? I'm trying to, like, match the energy. And, uh, and the chunk of machinery in front of you steps back and you're able to make out that you've been looking at the base half of a automaton and you're able to make out that you've been looking at the base half of a automaton. But not just any automaton, it's one of the awakened ones.

This is a living machine that is dressed in the accoutrements of a blacksmith. As they make room for you to enter this space. Man, if I wasn't so drunk, this would fascinate me. Ha! Ha!

Okay, so I'd like to go in, is there like a, like a, like a, an open countertop, like a, like a store, like somewhere, basically I want to pull out my rusted sword and be like, I need a new sword. My good, uh, automaton?

Allow me to observe your tool.

It, it can be a new one. I, I don't need this one per se. That's what she said. One must understand and you see in front of you a large open pit of highly heated uh, uh, substances. It looks like. A square pit of just molten lava and above it are suspended a couple of different crucibles of fairly decent size, and across the way you can see another, um, large structure filled with fire.

Um, there isn't any evidence of product out. There's some workbenches, there's an anvil, there's various quenching baths, there's a wheel for sharpening weapons, but you can't see currently the any, um, weaponry to peruse. There is no counter. It is a working environment. Hmm.

Show your weapon. Okay. So I'm gonna, I'm just gonna start taking out the few weapons I have. My one rusty scythe. And what else do I got? I got a dagger, I think. A couple of daggers. This machine being sees the rusty scythe and if it could have expressions and expressions. It would be horrified. But as it has an immobile face, what you see instead is various, uh, steam releases.

Having to cool down the quickly cycled up temperature issue that happened upon seeing that that very, very beat up and rusted scythe.

I

just gesture to them and I go, this is all I have. Um, Um, Uh, this one, and I point to the rusted one, only recently looked like this. Uh, a friend of ours made it. It is sort of. Uh, and it turned into that, and I can't work with that. So, I either need a new sword, or if you could fix that one. What did you do?

Uh, well, I have a Wubble. Well, my dad has a Wubble, and now I think Gus technically has Wubble, and, uh, it went inside Wubble, and it did that. Rust monster. It wasn't Wubble? I thought it was Wubble. The rust monster broke your site. It was the one that like, broke into your house. Oh yeah, what was I thinking?

It was Wubble. Oh my gosh. I think you tried to attack Wubble, but your site was already rusty. Rusty. Yeah. So I, I tell him the story of the rust monster. A monster flew in. Oh. To my brother's office and just everything it touched, it, rusted it, and I went to go. Allow me to see your wet stone please. Mela, do you have one?

I don't, I don't. Um, peruse your items for your wet stone, please. Okay. Okay. I'll peruse. I have no idea what a wet stone is. I don't think I have one. You are unprepared as you like start taking things out. He all of you get to witness as like, little crossbow is popped out some light crossbow bolts. The two deckers were already out some glass blowers tools are tumbled in this direction.

The mask, um, her thieves tools just kind of like scatter in too many directions. You see there's pitons, there's a crowbar, there's a hammer, there's various like itsy bitsy pieces of who knows what tinderbox, all sorts of things. You can see her brooch of shielding her, her eyes of the eagle. She's got this stone.

Who knows what the stone is for. And it's not a whetstone and then tumbling out at the bottom, unused, in brand new condition, still wrapped in its packaging, is a little whetstone. A widdle whetstone.

You need instruction. Please come here. Okay.

goes into showing you how to use the whetstone to remove the rust from your sickle. Oh, cool. You are incompetent. I'm sorry, that was rude. I Have you seen her gear? Well, I don't I'm not a fighter. You see, I'm a lover of knowledge and discovery. And I like to build things with my hands. Good. Builders are good.

You must improve your care of equipment. We will exchange information. I will keep her for a little while. You may go. And it looks at you, Ulua, and Gus. And just kind of waves you away as it continues to teach you how to use the whetstone more effectively.

I guess we've been dismissed. I guess so. I'm just working out and saying, just going, bye guys! Uh, Seraphina, in the time that you're there, um, They're, they're happy to work with you and they're going to show you, um, Um, how to fix your stuff so you can remove the problems with them, but also they offer advice about how that your equipment could be improved and because you are an artificer they are going to lend you As you share some of your ideas and some of your crazy gadgets that just got spilled all over the place and talk through them, they are also going to offer you, um, some guidance on making some of your equipment improved.

And what I would like you to do is just consider what you would want to improve in terms of your weapons and stuff. And then we can negotiate on what exactly you can actually learn and pick up. But you are basically being, um, recruited into the assistant to the blacksmith right now. Nice. Clearly I was meant to be a blacksmith and I just went down the wrong path.

Missed your calling. Not everyone can be perfect. Haha. Everyone has malfunctions.

Would you like to know my malfunction? Yeah. I don't care.

It is sad, apparently, but I don't. I think you do. Feelings. You were You can ask anyone on the street. Apparently, I do not care. I did not care to go with my brethren. I did not care to leave. I did not care. Cared about my sword being rusty?

I am confounded. Your logic is inescapable. I may care. Told you. You only Go throw butt. Don't you just don't care about the same things other people care about. So they don't think that you care, but you care. I don't care about inconsequential things. Only important things. Like that. And he points to one of your little gadgets.

Make it work. Okay. Okay.

Make it work. Ulua and Gus. Being dismissed does not mean you need to leave the space, but you can see that this is, A being that has a monofocus and has chosen the focus in this moment. What would you like to do? You can see that there is in the space. There's a big huge crate over to one side. It looks well oiled and cared for and organized.

There appears to be a A grate that goes to somewhere below there appears to also be, um, some sort of loft in this space. But you can also go back across the street. You've got choices here.

Well, do you want for her to be done before we head across the street? Or do you want to head over now? I have no preference. Are there like weapons on display here? You said no, right? Nothing is apparently on display. There are some locations that I tried to describe, which may be the containers for weapons and other materials.

I just feel like I should go looking in the 20 foot robot stuff without permission, so.

Uh, let's go across the street, I guess? She seems safe enough. Yes, of course. Um, if anyone knows how to handle something mechanical, it's her.

Of all people, Rurik went with the dirty mind.

There's automatons, and there's automatons. This is a Tan, not a Ta. I'm, uh, I'm operating with two real life exhaustion points today. So , everything is dumb in front of me right now. Um, uh, I'm just gonna, as we walk out the door, I'm going to turn back, uh, I go just over my shoulder and say we'll be across the street when you're, whenever you're ready.

Yep. Yep, Uhhuh. Okay. Bye. The only thing that can draw Seraphine's attention away from the beauty that is Ulua is a new thing to tinker with. Yeah, I'm not offended. Um, uh, so The other space across the little alleyway here, like literally door to door facing each other, It's a double door. It's beautiful.

You've seen it open because a lot of people were peeking out just a moment ago. It's currently closed, but you can see that there's a little crack of an opening. Um, and you can hear voices from within, as well as the tinkling of glass. After you, or shall I? Go for it. Ladies first, I suppose. I just kind of like, gently knock, and then start to push the door open.

Enter, enter, careful of the glass, careful of the glass, just had a demon loose. Uh, I don't think, I mean, I just want to see, cause now I can look at my spell. Um, does this, if

I am trying to clean an object. Does the floor count? In this situation, um, I'll have you roll an Arcana check. Okay. But If anything, it's just tied to, like, brush the glass aside and make a path. Yeah, why don't you roll that Arcana check for us? Okay. Because I feel like you would I just don't, I don't know, it's just You go by gut, but you also have exposure, you, in particular, have exposure to a wide variety of individuals.

It's not particularly used for this, but you do have a broom in your pocket. I would never sully my broom doing that. How dare you even suggest it. That is, oh, it's, well, my modifier is higher than I thought it was. So that's four. Uh, yeah, you go to press to digitate and you just hear a woman screech, No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

And then all the little glass pieces as you press to digitate start making little minor explosions and get smaller and smaller pieces as they react. As soon as that happens, I quit. Sorry, I just No, no, no, no. It totally understandable. Uh, you Mage Armor myself. Just saying. As your, as your companion becomes Mage Armored.

Um, and you see the voice is a large, intricate birdcage as a body covered by a humanoid torso. arms and head, big, huge, glowing bug like eyes and antennae covered in a beautiful silk, uh, outfit. I'm sorry, can you say that one more time? All again. It's a birdcage. Okay. Intricate with many sub compartments.

Attached to a main compartment, a main normal, like, if you imagine your normal everyday, like, Uh, Edwardian birdcage or Victorian birdcage. And then imagine that there are secondary birdcages that are attached as like satellites to the main cage. And then over top of that is a body, the upper torso, uh, with a silk garment draped over them.

Their head is large, white bug eyes, antennae, um, extremely large ears, tracing off into who knows where, and hands. Sweeping the space. So, you see this, uh, being, uh, sweeping the floor, uh, sweeping up these little pieces of glass as you've stopped yourself. The one, the birdcage one. The birdcage person. With what purpose?

Digits. With her hands.

She has two arms. You might have been distracted by the birdcage part. Right, right, on top. Got it, got it. Okay. Yes, upper torso. His torso and legs, the top is arms and head. Yes. Okay. Yeah. In case any, in case anybody who's listening is wondering, it's as terrifying as it sounds. Yep. Oh, welcome, welcome.

Apologies. There was a loud noise outside just a moment ago, and the mage upstairs lost control of a demon. So we've been doing a little bit of cleanup, but don't worry, everything's well in hand, and all is well. Welcome, welcome. What can we do for you? Um, well, hang on, look in the direction that you're on, I must be, is that right?

Are you on the other side? That's right. That's Gus. Okay. I can't. I don't know. Sometimes when I look at the supposedly opposite, I don't know, uh, um, what is there something in particular that you're looking for? I would like to get. Uh, oh shoot. Hold. This is the magic shop, right? Yes. Sorry, I have like a ADHD journey of my own getting over across the street.

Um, okay, yeah. So, um, I would like a health potion if you sell it to me. Oh, health potions! Yes, yes, yes. One of our, uh, frequently asked for products. Is there a particular, um, intensity you're looking for? What are the options? Well, we are rather well stocked with a variety of elixirs for your health. So, And they rub their hands together, and as they do, uh, the cage flutters a little bit, and you see within some of the sub cages, uh, three potions manifest themselves.

Um, we have your Elixir of Health, we have your Parapet of Health, and we have, you know, the mundane, quickie, I don't feel good. Bottle.

Uh, what is the price point on these? Well, um, we do offer discounts for bulk purchases. Is that the purpose of your visit or are we looking at individual sales? Individual. Oh, okay, well, Individual cells, uh, The base, I feel like these days, 10 gold a bottle, minimal effect, but, uh, quite nice. if you've got that old auntie who needs a bit of a kickstart.

And then, uh, the improvement is, uh, a 40 gold bottle. And then from there we jump up to the 60s. We do go into some more advanced territory. We have some original recipes from Trixie's Apothecary leased to us. And those bottles are quite the premium. You're looking at at least a hundred gold. for a serious investment here.

We also have some dried versions if you choose not to deal with the liquid, as well as injectables. Okay, just for out of character, all of these potions like are like your disease and stuff, right? Um I'm looking at D&D Beyond, like, the elixir of health, so it doesn't restore health, but it removes disease, removes status effects.

Yeah, um, they're using various different words for what they're talking about, but what you do see within the cage are three health potions. The D4 version, the multiple D4 version, and the holy hell, there's a lot of D4 versions. And then they've indicated that there are additional levels that they can provide as well.

So, out of curiosity, the discount prices for buying in bulk. Yes. We do have those who come in and purchase a couple hundred bottles a day. A day? Essentially wholesale is what you mean, correct? Correct. You are truly someone who understands. Uh, we always have the occasional merchant coming through. We are well known for our health expertise, I suppose.

Um, We are located in the Ascendant Quarter, which does ring with it, um, those who are ill or fainting ill, and therefore we found that having a bit of a specialty in curing what ails you really helped with the bottom line. Also, you could look into, should your situation be so dire as to, and they gesture down, to be losing part of you.

We have ways to resolve that.

Well, we haven't run, we haven't come across that issue yet. Think of it as an investment in your future. We could hook you up with. artificial limbs that are ready to go as soon as you lose it.

I'll have to think on that one personally. Why don't you go sit in our stool over in the corner there. It actually relates to what I just spoke about. You know, it's the handy stool. And consider our options. We have a catalog at the table. Um,

Larissa knows what the chair looks like and really doesn't want to go over there. Um,

Rurik, what does the chair look like? Oh, I would love to describe it, but I feel like Larissa could provide so much more decorative flavor in the language. She put her headset down. It is a simple three armed stool. And when I say three arms, it's three active arms that lead to it scuttling about the space on occasion.

Its fingers are well articulated and they may look like several different Wedding guests try to steal the groom's rings.

Their wealth bedazzled and bejeweled and they all look to be wedding rings.

I think I'm just gonna take, uh, one of the middle health potions and two of the small health potions. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. Uh, can I interest you in a bee bath? No, it comes free with potions, like a bath in a tub full of bees. Oh, no, no, no. I miniaturize you and immerse you in the hive. That sounds terrifying.

No, thank you. People call it the opposite of sensory deprivation. It's truly a chamber for your soul. You know what? Why don't you save mine and give it to the next customer? Perfect. I definitely will do that. Here are your potions and for your coin. And I turn to him and I say, well, now I definitely can't buy anything, but thank you.

She turns to you, Aloysius, well, you are my first customer. My second customer. We'll have to be our little friend here. But, uh, I feel like I have just the thing for you. I feel like you don't, but you're certainly very welcome to, to, to show me, I think. I would love for you to invest some of your time an effort into this text.

And they walk over, as you hear the creaking of their wheels, retrieving from one of the bookshelves a thin little tome and she reels back to you. Every century this is available and it's just come back on the market. She presents to you a book. Ooh, a book. I, I don't pick it up but I look at it. I, I just don't want to touch it yet.

I want to know what it looks like before I touch it. It looks like a older book. It doesn't look, um, too abused in any way. Um, it has definitely been around for a long time though. Uh, just materials aren't made of what this is made of. This is from Ancient times. Why does it only appear every century? Well, it doesn't appear, but its benefits can only be accessed every century or so.

And what are its benefits? Well, this tome is Miss Manor's guide to excruciatingly courteous behavior. And it just enhances that innate ability that I already sense you are brimming with. But this one will take it to the next level.

What do you think? I, I actually have no idea. Uh,

can I, can I?

Touch it? Can I open it? Oh, certainly, certainly. Just know that if you're going to spend a significant amount of time, two days to be exact, with this manual, there will be the charge regardless. Understood. I just kind of want to just peruse it briefly, if I may. Absolutely. And I just kind of gingerly, like, you know, Like I'm picking up a hot bowl of soup around the rim, kind of just like touch it and like grab it and rotate it and then eat it.

Eventually, gingerly open the cover and take a peek inside. You peek inside and the first statement is, uh, Folks denounce your class and your compatriots. Your parents denounced you. And you rarely to ever receive thank you letters from those who pursue. pursue your services. You have guests who commit the most atrocious of atrocities and ruin your parties.

What can you do? What can you do? Tome do you turn to? Well, Miss Manners, of course. With all those amateurs issuing unauthorized adequate pronouncements, aren't you glad that there's a gold standard to consult that has really changed? And what has not? And as you're reading this, you start to feel an infusion into an area where you've just been really solid forever.

You've always been extremely charismatic. But there are, it's like, somehow reading these words, as inane as they might be, is infusing your charisma. A tiny, tiny trickle, at this point. Okay, um, and what is your asking price for this? Well, it is the deal of the century. With the exception of that one, that one, that one, that one, that one, which are all different things, different purposes.

But, um, those won't be available for a year or two. And that one, I think it's in a month. We're coming up on a very special time where everything's just brimming with excitement. Uh, so I believe that we're asking for 200 gold pieces and the return of the text after use. Should you choose to Not return.

Then we're looking into the thousands. Understood.

Is that a feasible amount? I, I don't want to seem selfish.

Fine with me. All right. Um, I I guess I'll take it. Excellent, excellent. And what a gentleman, able to just support their Paramore? Oh, oh, no, we're not, no. Uh, we're partners, no, um, Uh, Friends, we're friends. Um, Well, we're more than friends, but not like that. More than, um, We, we're, we're, we work together. We're associates.

Colleagues. Colleagues. There we go. Ah, the collegial sort. Well. Yes. A teammate, as it were. Teammate. Interesting term. Um,

Kind teammate. Caring teammate. Teammate willing to support the work of another. Uh, I find this quite exciting and I wish for you the best. Are there any other treasures you're seeking? Solutions that may exceed the humdrum life of everyday things? Um,

I I don't know, um,

I turn to Gus and say, My struggle is, I've always, I always seem to have the, the, the wrong spell in my head. Uh, uh,

Is there anything that you have that could

maybe, helpful problems. I could store a spell for later, or in case I want, in case I would like to have one on hand, but then Do you understand what I'm asking? Oh yes, these are fairly common. Okay, I don't usually Resort to them, but I've been, I've been a little bit more, um. You are of a class that didn't study, and I do understand that that leads to some gaps in your knowledge, but magic is here for all and everyone can have it.

I just kind of turned to Gus and I just want to be like, what did this bitch just say? I'm sorry, what? Look at me, I blacked out and woke up with magic.

I didn't actually say that out loud. I was, I looked, I, like, it was the look that I was giving you, by the way. So, his verbal response to your visual look.

You know, you are quite an interesting character as well. I do have a special piece that you might find interesting. Of a similar vein. You would need to, um, Wear it to make it work. Please be a speedo.

Beach episode! And you cannot wear anything on top of it. Only the item. Captain Underpants.

Okay. Everybody's got an old note to finish.

All right, what is it? Well, it's quite the treasure, and you see the main cage glimmer for a moment, and then, um, you see a flashy jewel encrusted, sure to be the topic of discussion whenever you walk into a room. It's so brilliant, the colors and sparkle of the jewels. Just, you know, whoever wears this becomes irresistible.

As long as you wear this cloud piece. I was so close!

I, uh I think I hear my friend calling. I just turn around and walk out the door. Did you pay for Did you pay for He paid for the health potions already. Uh, Ulua, as he leaves, you are witnessing the, the, the, the sparkling jewel and you realize, just like looking at it, like, There's no way anybody could sneak with that thing on.

Hmm. Um. Open box day! Ha! Uh, I think he, he appreciates the, the, the intent of, of, uh, you offering or thinking of, of, of him with that item. But I think most of our work we tend to try to do surreptitiously. Oh, oh, that makes more sense. So Being the jewel of the ball isn't exactly in his It's not in our best interest.

It will hinder That's It would hinder some more often than it wouldn't, unfortunately. But it is a lovely Oh, it's dazzling, isn't it? And she reaches inside of herself and pulls it out. I've never seen one so bedazzled. Oh. We could change out the gems for something a little bit brighter. Um. I wouldn't want to blind anyone.

But we, we, we truly I, I I Between the three of us in our group, he would be the only one that it would seem appropriate to, to wear it, and I, I, I just don't think It would, it would take a lot of alcohol to, to convince him to, to even consider it. Yes, and there is the struggle with you would have to wear it and then convince five people to do something.

Um, and once that happens, then it activates its full powers. Wow. My goodness. Um,

Here, could you sit down with me? I would like to go over some other ideas that I have for you. Could you describe to me your group? Okay, well, um On the chair? Oh yes, where else would you sit? I do have others. I have a footstool.

Oh no. Um on the footstool. I, you know, I just, these heels are so comfortable. Um, I really, I'm, I'm not tired at all, but I, but I appreciate the offer. Um, I'm, I'm happy to stand and discuss if, if, as long as that doesn't bother you. Well, I'll take a load off even if you won't. And you hear the wheels kind of creak.

Oh, crunk. As the cage settles in. And they place the magical item within its internal structure. And then, uh, you watch as the cages become occluded with like a black cloth. So our group, um, my, my colleague, which you just met, uh, or whom you just met is, um, He has the most experience, uh, of the three of us in, in investigating.

Um, he, he is a formerly of the city watch. Um, And is also, um, a budding artist. Um, and he enjoys his solitude, but, uh, I think he often sacrifices, uh, that preference for the sake of doing good and helping others. Um, our, um. Colleague is an absolute delight. Um, she's very, very smart. She has an almost inexhaustible Um, a sense of, of, of purpose and devotion to her family.

Um, she can build almost anything out of very little. She's, she's doing her best to take over her brother's business, um, while he has been missing. Um, and It feels like you're a tight group who has many things that should take you apart from each other, and I think I have a solution to this.

Um, I don't need my headboard. I need my earring stand. Excuse me a moment. And she walks over to a series of drawers that just appear, rolls over to a series of drawers that appears. And it looks like a humanoid torso. And she has, she opens the drawers. She pulls out what looks like Ears. And Why? As she pulls off various pieces, she comes to you with Whose ears?

Um I know you're not there, but I feel like it's only fair to share that there are cat ears, dog ears, um, there are, uh, some really long, elegant looking ears. Um, which may belong to a horse or possibly a giraffe. There's some cute little pudgy ones that might be hippos. Oh! There's just a wide variety of ears.

So, taking a few items off the ear stand, she, uh, walks over to you after closing the chest of drawers and hands to you, Ulua, three earrings.

One for each. They came before the great telecommunication battles and are not exactly

popular amongst the populace these days, but you should be able to stay in touch with one another with these, um, I think they call them earbuds?

Hmm. Just be kind to them and feed them once a day. Wha, uh, wha, hmm. Okay, well, it's two, two, three questions. First one. They're alive. Question mark. Yes, of course. Question two. Uh, what do they eat? Honey is their preferred substance. Uh, okay. And if honey isn't available, they both consume ear wax if, and nothing else is available, but it tends to cause them to pupate and then they will, um.

Transform themselves eventually. Got it. Should that accident befall you or any of yours, please, um, try to bring it back here so that we can continue our breeding program. It's, uh, they're an endangered species. Understood. Uh, and, uh, third question is, um, I guess, well, is there anything that we have to do with what, what, what, what do they, they allow us to talk to each other where no matter where we are?

Yes. Okay, and that's, that's the sole purpose, I just want to confirm. I want to make sure that Well, if you find another purpose, I would be quite curious about it. Okay. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't going to be surprised when, when, I don't know, one of them suddenly wormed into my brain and, and I could understand everybody or something, I don't know.

Oh, no, no. They would only do that if they were pupating, and in that case, we should get them back here quickly. So when they pupate, they crawl into your brain? Well, they seek a nutrient source, and I would prefer that they be here so that I could feed them the better things that really, uh, bring out their best qualities.

Um, no offense to you and your lineages, but, uh, I fear that your brain matter may, well, it could be worth an experiment should you be a willing host. Um, but we should wait until the time in which you're ready to depart from this world because In general, I find that a lack of a brain leads to, and then she gestures to the handstool and the footstool.

Mm. Unfortunate consequences. Yes, it seems, it seems a much more common problem than, than one would think. Um, A lack of brain. Uh, okay. Yeah, sort of like a lack of body. Yes. Wow. You seem to be quite capable, despite that. I appreciate it. Everyone has their various Challenges to overcome. I should introduce you to our friend across the street.

Um, apparently, uh, He has a cute phrase and I can't quite remember what it is It escapes me in this moment, um Is it I don't care No, I think that he thinks that he doesn't care And truly he doesn't care about much but he cares about that shop Right. Okay. So, last, last question. Um, how, how much for these ear, ear buds you use?

Well, because we're tight friends now. It's a gift from me to you. Are you sure? Absolutely. That's, that's very generous of you. Um, Your presence is a present, and I may have, um, sprinkled the area with a few of these little pupae and overheard some exploits of a trio of folk

and I appreciate them. I

don't know what you mean, but um, if I, if I meet anyone like that, I'll be sure to let them know. Oh, I think that they prefer to go a little bit more anonymous.

She holds out her hand to you. And in her hand is a small little origami bird. Thank you. A little As I say, I gingerly take the ear buds and I kind of dip my head and I say, Thank you, and as I walk out I go, God dang it, where? Dear Sticky Beaks. You sent the note. You sent the note. Sticky Beaks is going to reply.

Yes, yes. Not to us, apparently. Nope!

I'm a little traumatized from a weird stool in a shop.

And also a woman tried to sell me copies. I'm having a bad day. I'm seriously Love Gus. I'm, I'm gonna have nightmares about that chair. I'm gonna have great dreams about the fact that I was so close with my speedo idea.

When you said Speedo, I was like, I can't change it to a Speedo because I already wrote up the description and if Gus does take this, I literally can put it in his inventory right now. I'll pass on your bedazzled cut piece, Rurik. Hey! I thought it was worth a try. Wrong campaign, Asher would have bought it.

Oh my god, he would have. He so would have! Um. Okay, as I, I'm gonna go back out and see if Gus is either waiting outside or if I think he's gone across back to the blacksmith. Gus! I'm just like sitting on the steps just like swinging my feet.

I'm gonna sit next to him. and hold out one of the earbuds. Um, don't, don't necessarily put it in your ear now. Um, but it helps us hear each other wherever we are. Um, but we have to feed it honey. Uh, uh, uh, Merrick, you said once a day, right? ADHD brain, sorry. Uh, once, once a day. Or, it may start to try to eat our brains.

Oh. Yeah, we may want to

You know what? She did say that it would start off with earwax first. Right. Yes. I mean, uh, the problem is, is that, uh, everybody's amount of earwax is, is different. So, assuming one keeps Stop cleaning. Assuming one bathes regularly, there may not be much to work with. So, uh, um, so we need to make sure we visit Uh, a florist?

Or, uh, I can't even think off the top of my head who sells honey. She said she had bees. Ugh. Well, I mean, first of all I'm not going to look in there. She's trying to sell me something uncomfortable.

I love it when a delicious plan comes together. Fine. And I walk back in. Oh my dear, you're back so soon. Did you forget something or seek something else? Uh, yes, actually. Um, you mentioned honey for the earbuds. Yes, yes. And you mentioned a bee bath. So does that mean that you have bees and therefore honey.

Can I interest you in taking the bee bath and then you can collect some honey on your way? Um, I actually, that might be more harmful to my psyche than, than not. I'm, I'm, I'm not a huge fan of, um, flying buzzing insects. Um, they, they. They make me nauseated. Everyone has their thing. Yes. Um, I highly recommend finding an apiarist if you can.

Okay, do you have any connections, uh, since you also own these? No, but occasionally in the market there's this young woman. She sells, uh, various, very fancy and exciting herbs. She's a great, great source for some of the more rare things. Um, We make most of our potions from her ingredients and she does happen to raise bees as well.

Ah, well, you know, it's, it's funny, I'll, I'll go check back in with her, but I, I believe I was just speaking with her and she may have come into some rather rare, um, fungi you may want to inquire about when you have a moment. Oh, well, I don't know what this means necessarily, but I will definitely check in with her at a later time.

But thank you for the information, I, I very much appreciate it. Um, You're welcome. I, I. wish you well. If you're ever interested in an armchair, or anything else along those lines, I have been getting into, um, some design of spaces. I like to reapportion people's domiciles with some of my best creations. And she gestures around, and you can see that, um, there is a bed that has moved into the space while you were stepped outside, and, um, A large head dominates the top of the board upon which you would sleep.

A headboard! Um. That's too creepy for the want why, I can't even. Um. Uh. Don't worry. Well, I mean, I, I, unfortunately my, my space is, is shared with, um, not these colleagues, but my, my colleagues in my other line of work. So I wouldn't possibly want to do any redecorating without consulting them, but I will You should, because I do have this one piece that I've been considering and trying to figure out how to do.

I have armchairs, but then there's ARMS chair. It's a chair for friends. Yes. I will. May love, friends. Tell them to come take a look and see if it piques their interest. Wonderful. I bet I can convince them to get really involved with all of this because it would be the most magical of events to truly transform an entire, uh, you said you share with multiple people.

This sounds like a magnificent use of my talents. I can never get in with the ascended button. Maybe if I take a small step into a multi family dwelling, it will lead to great things. You never know! I would have thought Ulua would need someone to make her uncomfortable. Oof. Okay, bye! Uh, you take care.

Here, now, okay, then, buh bye. And I just like Okay, buh bye. SHIT. Buh bye. Buh bye. Uugghh

Um, I look up as she walks out and be like, She didn't come back with an armchair. No. No! But now she's She She wants to redecorate my entire home. With With arms. With. With. Everything like that. Yeah, the former homicide detective in me wants to know where she gets the arms. Mmm. Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to.

Let's, why don't we check on Seraphina and see how she's getting along. I need, I need something to Distract my brain from the images that are seemingly permanently imprinted there. You didn't even see the footlocker.

Don't make it sound. I hate it so much. There was some bone china in the footlocker, but you don't have to worry about that. Oh, amazing. All right, so, uh, Gus and Ulua, you're going over to enter the blacksmithy. Um, Seraphina, you've had time here. Your weaponry is up to date and cleaned up. Is there anything in particular you would have sought as, uh, the goal or the outcome or, like, just reforging something entirely?

Um, yeah, I, I think she'd be really interested in learning.

And I'm not sure if this is more spell based or built based, but like, Weaponry that has, um, what is it called? Uh, so like, like charges. Like, you whack it and it does something.

Like my shovel. Yeah, I guess. Or the The gauntlet that you had. Yeah, back when. So I don't know if that's more spell esque? More magic based? These are definitely magic based. Magic based. These would all end up being magic based. But, um, what would the particular outcome of this weapon be? Like Ultimately, she just wants something,

you know, bigger, stronger, to make up for her lack of brute strength. And would this be something that she would want to be attuned to? Or something that she does not need to be attuned to? I just want something that causes instant death when you tap someone with a ring, gosh. Yeah, why is it so hard? Um, no, ideally she'd love to learn, make something that doesn't require attunement.

I know it wouldn't be as strong or as powerful, but And is there a particular magic or elemental form that you would like this to take place in?

What type of damage do you want it to do? How do you want to hurt people? Uh,

just Oh, see, now my brain's going elsewhere. Okay, we'll stick with what we have for now. And then I'll tell you where my brain just went. Um Just, uh, like Like, blunt. I don't know what it's called. Blood forced from bludgeoning. Damage bludgeoning. Yeah. It's no, I'm just laughing. Cause I mean, I had, I had the same thought as Jason.

That's why I'm laughing. Um, or where my brain just went to just throwing this out there or a weapon that is something, but then. Maybe you put something in it, like a key or magic or whatever, and then it can like, transform, and then have like a second layer of strength. You know, like in robot movies, where they have like the normal robot, and then they're like, No, I'm really mad, and they transform into a really big robot.

So you have a little sword that transforms into a big sword. She wants a, a, a Transformers sword. I love this. I love this for you. I'm interested to hear what Bergen comes up with. I want this to be like, you're wearing pieces of it on your body. And so you just like pull off like this bracer and smack it here and then pull this thing off your leg and put it here.

Like you just clip your entire giant weapon together. That seems very Seraphina. Man. Time. Seraphina, How many of your weapons would you be willing to sacrifice to make this happen? All of them. Okay. Um, sacrifice all of them. Please. So remove all of the things you currently have that are weapons, even that knife.

Um, do whetstone, which you've had in your inventory this whole time. So like, crossbows Crossbow, crossbow bolts, all that stuff. Daggers. It's all gotta go.

Funny that! It's almost like someone tried to tell you it was there. Funny when the GM I didn't, I never even noticed that, probably because I didn't know that's what it said. I couldn't read it. I was like, I don't know what that word means. So I just ignored it. No, it's fine. I'm just being a goober about it anyways.

I think the proper pronunciation is, Wetstone. Wet. Wet. Good night. Delete. Add this in a moment, but you create, over the time of your tinkering with this individual, um, an astral polymorph weapon. Side note, did I get the, the individual's name in the time that I was there? No. Great, I love it. It's one of those things where, like, names, uh, It's basically if you put me at a party and you go and introduce me to people, I will not tell them my name because I'll forget that it's important.

They'll be like, Oh, my name's Jess. I'm like, Oh, nice to meet you, Jess. I do that all the time. I do it way too often. We do it as a D as a D and D group. Yeah. Constantly meeting people and they're not asking who they are. And then like, I don't know who they were. You didn't ask. Yeah. Yeah. So wait, you said this was an astro And then sometimes Astral polymorph weapon.

And then sometimes when we do ask, we Nobody remembers the name that was made up on the spot.

Yeah, it's kind of

Um, I'll I'll get the whole thing, um, set up. So it's the Um, I'll I'll I'll get it shared with you. In its current form, Jess, it is a hammer. Like a hammer? Like a, like a normal hammer? Like a big hammer? Like a hammer that you use in your workshop. Oh! And it is polymorphic in nature, which means that it will assume the form that best suits your needs.

Its basis on that is it's got this little tenuous connection based on the weapons that you just acquired. We're willing to sacrifice. So any of the weapons you just sacrificed, it can take those forms, um, which are stored in the astral plane. So it acts like its own version of a bag of hammer. Speaking of the course of your investigations, you realize that it can never go into a bag of holding or other space like that because it will cause the bag of holding within a bag of holding issue.

Kaboom. The world is over. Um, it has a whole bunch of runes on it. Um, and those runes let you choose which shape it takes. So it can take the shape of the crossbow, it can take the shape of the daggers, it can take the shape of the sickle. I don't know what else you sacrifice because I kind of already forgot.

But it's currently have those as you are willing to look for and store more weapons of a mundane nature. So it's just everything. weapons, it will have those properties. This gives you a plus one to hit whenever used, and will give, in addition to the weapon type damage, it will give an additional 1d4 damage.

So you make it a great sword, if once you get a great sword stored in it, then it has all the normal great sword damage plus 1d4 damage. It's not just a good sword, it's a great sword, sorry. Do be aware that rolling a natural one will cause it to lose its polymorphic ability for a short period of time.

It'll turn into a black tar like goo that you have to scoop up and take care of, so you lose a whole action trying to rescue it because if it seeps into the ground it's gone. Ooh, um, high maintenance. And if you roll a natural 20 or 19, the power goes out. Of three separate weapons can be consumed, which means they won't be available as shapes until you replace them, but it can use those making a bright light erupt from it that forces all those in front of you to have to make a saving throw or be blinded for a round.

And in addition, the blow itself 6d6 damage. It has an 80 percent chance of knocking back humanoids up to 20 feet, as well as a 10 percent chance of knocking large gargantuan creatures, which means it'll roll your d10 and if it rolls a 10 then you get the big one to go over. If you have proficiency in greataxe, you'll be able to add your proficiency bonus to any attack you make with it.

Bye. Or proficiency with whatever shape it's in, great hammer, whatever, or hammer. Whatever you have proficiency in, you'll be able to add your normal proficiency bonus too. This was the best decision I've ever made in my life. And I did it drunk. Just be aware there's a bit of management with making sure you have the right weapons in it and it will eat them when you crit.

Or just below a crit, because a 19 counts as a crit with this weapon. Okay, okay, yeah.

Okay. See, see . You see Sarafina holding a bowl full of a black tar like substance.

I did it

made the best thing ever. She's gesturing emphatically at this bowl of tar. Um, do like a little dance.

I'm so talented, I am so smart, and my new friend who's name I don't know taught me how to do it. I am Chuck. Chuck taught me how to do it, eh, eh, eh, and she's dancing in my bowl. Uh, well, um,

Chuck, if you don't, if you could indulge me, I thought she wanted a sword.

Yes.

And she has a bowl of goo.

Yes. You might see where we're confused.

No. How is the bowl of goo a weapon? Is the bowl of goo going to help? There's the bowl of goo in the room with us right now. Yes.

She makes it work. Makes what work?

The weapon. What weapon? He points at the bowl of tar.

Okay. For my brain. Does Seraphina have to actively do something to get it from goo form to hammer form, or does it do that? It is a free, it is a free thing for you to have it transform, um, the first time, and then any additional transformations in the course of battle or whatnot would be a bonus action.

Mm, mm, mm, mm. But it responds to your desire with regard to what it's doing. Pastoral form, it pulls into itself. Would you like to show us how the bowl of goo works?

Sure. I would like to turn it into a hammer. This the normal, the bowl of Gooch just forms into its hammer like shape. It looks exactly like her tinkering hammer. So it's not a like. Warhammer, it looks like something you would use to work on fine parts of mechanical machines. Oh,

oh, oh, here, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, um I'm gonna look over at Chuck, give him a little wink. And then, uh, uh Use of bonus actions? Turn it into a, you're my sit. You just see it shift into a side.

Well, that makes more sense. Uh, yes. Oh, good. I'm, I'm glad you found something that works for you. Thank you for your help, Chuck. That's Chuck. Yep. Mm-Hmm. . Any other requests? Patronages, uh, needs. Um, do you, do you have any wares that we, we could peruse or do you only, um, uh, do things made to order?

Please explain. Do you have anything made now that is for sale or do you only.

Create things one at a time upon request. Yes or yes?

Can we see the things that are already made? This makes more sense. Yes. And he gestures over to the big box. Is that not what I said? I lean in and I go, he phrased it wrong. How?

I'm just gonna go look in the box. You open up the box and it is well organized. Everything in it is shiny and beautiful. And it is chock full of leprechaun related sorts. So What are you looking for?

Hey, you just lined them up for me and I let them out. Sorry, continue. What are you looking for? What are you looking for? It is a chest full I can't use weapons in this, so I'm just looking and now I'm done. Uh, I guess Um, and I pull out the, the two daggers that I have. Um, I, I predominantly, uh, defend myself using spells, but every once in a while, if I, if I get too tired, or, um, if, if someone is, is too close, um, for what I have in mind, it would be helpful to be able to defend myself a little, a little better.

So what would you like? Do you have any No, like, you're looking at a whole bunch of stuff. It's, if I, like a, like a, a nicer dagger rather than a common dagger. So, yeah, daggers, there's plenty of them, you can see there's five of them at the top, and then there's like a little chest that is Kind of staged under it and you can open that up and you can see that there's more daggers.

It's all really well labeled. Um, any particular dagger you're seeking? Um, I guess it's something with, that can maybe, uh, create or add an effect that might, Not quite like crowd control, but that might, uh, give, like, provide us with a little more time to escape if needed, if that makes sense. So like something that maybe, like, I don't know, slows an enemy down or, um, I guess poisons or

something, yeah, something that creates an effect that would then, um. Help us to Okay, um, there's I'm so bad at articulating myself tonight, I'm so sorry. No, you're fine. I'm just trying to like, figure out what you're looking for. Um Story of my life. I don't even know, Rurik!

I would be sad for you, except I feel like this happens a lot. It's like, this is default. Yes, this is what it means to be alive right now. In this economy. Okay, so, there are, um, let's see here. I don't know, I like it. You could just get something more. Damage focused. You can get other things for craft control.

Yeah, I guess. If you have anything that's particularly pokey. You could get a dagger of pokeyness. Like a flametongue longsword? What? What did you say, Jason? Something like a flametongue longsword? I don't Vicious whip? Although a whip wouldn't be able to blast my throat. Oh, but Ulua would look so sexy with a whip.

Are you proficient with whips? I don't know. Are they consistent? I feel like she's proficient with whips. Is it? I feel like Ulua is proficient with whips. Yes. Whether she wanted to or not, part of like, just that. Are whips simple weapons? D&D. D&D. No, a whip is a martial weapon. So, a bard is proficient with all simple weapons, pistols, long swords, rapiers, saps, short swords, sharp bows, and whips.

Okay, well, there you go. Okay, so, based on this, like, negotiation here. We are getting a whip. Um. Whip it good. Mmm mmm, mmm mmm, mmm mmm, mmm mmm, mmm. Whip it real good. Uh, You turn your attention away from the daggers, seeing that none of them are right there. and you see that there are four,

there are three, Four, technically. One is just a weapon of warning. You already, you like, you discount that one pretty quickly. The other three are really interesting. There's one that looks like it's made of muscle itself and has a really sharp stinger at the end. You have the sense that you would have to attune to it.

Then there's another one that looks a little bit more robust, a little darker. It seems to have shadows where there's no shadow. And it just looks really wickedly cool. But it kind of seethes with an energy that could be unsettling. More than the actual Bustle Whip? Um. True. Um, and then there's one that is just,

let's see how this one works. Um,

yeah, there's a whip that is bedecked in gold filigree and blue and maroon jewels. It is really over the top. Um, and you have a sense of magic about it as well. All three have a sense of magic. Um, and I kind of turn to the other two and I say, I'm kind of, I guess, leaning between the second and the third.

Um, I like the gold one.

That's the third one, right? It is bright and shiny. Not a sneaky weapon, but.

Well, if, let me put it this way. Um, me walking around with that would be equal to you walking around with what the other person tried to sell you. Well. Wait, what did they try to sell you? I'll tell you later. Oh. Oh. I feel like a jeweled weapon with like a jeweled handle and a bedazzled codpiece are not the same thing.

I mean, granted, the purpose of that item was to make you stand out. I'm just saying that this would have that unintended effect. Whereas the other one, it was the intended effect, but this would have the same effect, although unintended. And I, and I, I turn to the, uh, I turn to Chuck and I say, I, I think I'm going to go with the, the middle one.

The second one.

This is, uh, a serious weapon.

Well, our work can be quite serious, so I guess that, that makes sense. I look around for, what, what, where?

On the ground. Oh, okay. It doesn't look confused, but I'm doing pretend confused face to express how. Yes. Okay. And I, and I, I kind of do like a, I sit on my calves, kind of. Breathe in. Kneeling. Breathe out.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. It must be exhausting to have to breathe. Yeah, Chuck, I was gonna say that was kind of fast breathing.

Is it supposed to be at that pace, or is it just in my own time?

It is done. should just Okay, oh. And. Seraphina and Gus, you watch as this whip, um, seems to extend itself in all directions and pull every, even though there's not many shadows in this well lit space, pull every shadow into itself and then back to Ulua. And as the whip binds itself to Ulua,

Ulua, you hear a voice in your head. And

So many sentient things today! Uh, okay. What does it say? I will be editing the description of it a bit because it's the wrong descriptor. Okay. Gotta re world it a little bit. But, um, Tanzanite's whip I knew it. seethes with the innervating energy of the underworld. I knew it! The magic whip grants a plus three bonus to attack and damage rolls made with it.

And when you hit with an attack using this whip, the target takes an extra 2d8 necrotic damage, and you regain hit points equal to half the amount of necrotic damage dealt. Nice! So cool. Additionally, when you make an attack with this whip on your turn, you can increase the range of the attack to 300 feet.

Wow! It can only be used once to do that. It cannot be used again until the next dusk. Okay. It will be spending the next several nights trying to convince you to become a worshiper of Tanzanite. Interesting.

We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I'd like to see it try.

Between that and the book, my goodness. I have a lot of homework. Yeah. Well, the book is just two days of reading time that you have to figure out how to do in terms of downtime and stuff like that. Gus, are you after anything? So if any of you are after anything else? And then, seemingly with magical timing, the entire area quakes as you all feel a giant collapse of something in your vicinity.

Jarting outside along with a crowd of other folk, you're in time to witness the temple collapsing and on itself, the illusions evaporating. And sitting at the center of the collapsed temple is a small autonomous Tom smashing a lone remaining pillar. The only thing that didn't break in the temple was what you were trying to I kept rolling it hit point losses and stuff like that.

And it kept rolling. Dexterity saving left and right. I was like, fine. You're gonna be funny then.

And I just Next time, we will deal with Seraphina's automaton left behind in the middle of a temple. And see what happens then.

I hope you all have a beautiful, wonderful time and find people that you love as much as I love these people. Find your own pod, they're mine, you don't get them. Okay, bye! Bye!