Probability of Demise

[00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to Probability of Demise, the podcast that you always wanted to pod. If you could add more people to your pod, you would add more people to your pod. Today, we added people to our pod, Probability of Demise, check us out, ProbabilityofDemise. com. You can also check out our people. We of course have the old fogies, myself and friends, but we have the new fogies.

As well. So let's start off with the new fogies because the new fogies are more fun and novel and interesting and more likely to get us likes, subscribed, comments, et cetera, et cetera. Nobody likes us. We're, we're, we're mud. So Jim, would you like to introduce yourself? If at all? How's it going? My name is Jim.

Uh, I am Jess's big brother and I taught her everything she knows. Thanks So, [00:01:00] uh, all the mistakes she makes, uh, that was not, she learned that somewhere else. I love it. Solid. Nice cover. Beautiful. Well done. Lance. Uh, yeah, I'm Lance. Um, I'm just as big of a nerd as my, uh, my uncle Jason here. Um, and, uh, I, I. Was introduced to my nerdery, uh, in part because of him because World of Warcraft and, uh, all of the raiding and all that fun stuff.

But, uh, happy to be here. We all have those dark moments in our lives. Uh, Larissa, Jess, and Jason, would any of you like to introduce yourselves again? Remind people of who you are and why you exist. So I'm back to the good old days of when Lance was like 10 and he would hop on his dad's paladin and heal us in our raids because he was better at it than his dad.

Hard, hard, hard, [00:02:00] painfulness. You know what? The truth hurts. Um, I'm Larissa. Uh, I am married to that one in the bottom center. And yeah, so I've been playing D& D, uh, my very first group, Jess and Rurik were in it, and they've been stuck with me ever since.

And he, and he's stuck with me. He has his paper or I rather I have paper that says he has to stay around. You retain the paper, right? You don't let him touch it. Yeah. I had to file all the paperwork when we got married. Let me just say, yeah, he just had to sign it on the day of. Yeah. If you don't change your name, it's really easy.

After a 25 hour drive. I went and got the marriage license. Don't forget.

Hi, I'm Jason. I'm married to Larissa who's over there. Uh, I'm on this podcast all the time. So, hi.[00:03:00]

And Jax. Um, I'm Jess. I was brought into this world to annoy my big butter. That one. That one. That, that one. Uh, which is hard to do when I'm It's hard to do when I'm not around him as often as I used to be. But, uh, you know, I gotta find ways. You know, there's lifelong goals and tasks and it's okay. You have lifelong to figure it all out.

Make it happen. Yeah, I'm Rurik I get to GM for this crazy crew of lovely human beings that I really like hanging out with but today We are starting off some cozy winter one shots Cozy only in that we're inside and not living outside in the cold. So, we'll see how cozy this actually turns out to be. When the monsters outside are frightful.

Ooh, I really like that song. That might have to be Do I need to finish the lyrics and send them to you? Yeah, kinda. Like, [00:04:00] there's But the fireball is slowly fried me then next session, totally inspired. Just so I can dot my eyes and cross my T's. I hope that's the right direction for those things to go. I also just wanted to share with you all that the tokens you are seeing today are brought to you by twominutetabletop.

com. We'll have the link in the description below because that's how affiliations and loveliness work. They're very nice. They gave us the ability to do this. They give everybody the ability to do this under a Creative Commons license, which is super nice of them. Um, if you would like to also check out the maps that we will use during the session, you'll see the link down below as well.

Can you say it for those who are listening? Yes, we have. [00:05:00] I think it's rpgtabletops. com. It'll be in the link on the description notes. It's like, it's got a long and if you pick it and then you like buy the map pack, then we get like a little bit of money. Don't mess somebody up. There's somebody who's fully typing that right now because you are not a nice human.

All right. And with all of that preliminary stuff out of the way, Let's jump into The beginning! Dun dun dun! Transition music, launch! Your eyelids, heavy as lead, but are open. A soft, ethereal glow illuminates a chamber unlike any you've ever seen. Intricate, luminescent vines weave their way across the walls casting dancing shadows, and a gentle breeze, carrying the scent of exotic [00:06:00] flowers, stirs the air.

The end. You all try to sit up. You can't. Your body feels heavy, as if weighted down by a dream. As you struggle to regain your bearings, a voice echoes through the chamber. Ah! You've awakened. Welcome, Chosen Ones.

Wherever you were before awakening in this moment, whether you were at home, Closely tucked into your bed, uh, in battle, on a trek. You must have fainted, fell asleep, drank too much. Whatever it was, you're now in a space that is not where you were.

A chill runs down your spines as you realize [00:07:00] that you're not alone. There's this being, and as it kind of It slips out of shadows, it's form shifts and shimmers. And there's strangers nearby. Their faces reflecting a confusion that you potentially also feel.

Fear not, this is an opportunity, not a threat. Now arise, so our game can begin.

Uh, who would like to start off describing your character? Uh, and how you're Coming to awareness of what's going on around you, DM inspiration for ridiculousness and awesomeness in equal measure.

Me, I will go. Yes. Hello. [00:08:00] I have a visual aid today to explain my character. Um, this is Gobo. you listening on the podcast, you see a nice little plushie of a mushroom Yes, uh, Dunnupin, yellow bodied, orange brown and gray cap. Okay, color. Yes, uh, He's green. Um, his name is Gobo Mushcap. Um, he is a solid, uh, two feet tall.

And, uh, he tries really, really hard to look angry. Um, Despite how cute he looks, but his anger only makes him cuter. Which frustrates him.

You're saying his anger only makes him cuter, but his cuteness only makes him angrier. Exactly. Barbarian cycle. Terrible [00:09:00] cycle, yes.

So some of you may not have realized that the mushroom in the room was actually a living being, but as you see it moving around a little too swiftly, you realize, oh, that's yet another. And that. And that's when I realized that technically all mushrooms are living beings, so then I A sentient living being.

But the sentient shroom is moving around with more alacrity than a traditionally non sentient mushroom would ever do.

I go next. Uh, I sit up Uh, and you see What kind of looks like a mix between halfling? Not quite the gnomes you're used to seeing. Um, she has long auburn hair, um, she's wearing [00:10:00] leathers, pretty much forest colors, you know, slipping in and out of, uh, shadows is kind of what she does. She's actually a kender, which is an enchanted, um, kind of thing.

Gnome changed by magic, and Kenders are known for their supernatural curiosity and fearlessness. And, uh, you've met Ystra. And the first thing she says is, Ugh, where's my bear?

Not the bear. Uh, I can go next. Uh, my name is Loki. I'm a halfling rogue. Uh. Sitting, uh, I have a leather armor. I have weapons all over me. I have lots of [00:11:00] pointed things. A short bow, short sword, a couple of daggers. I'm kind of sitting over the side by myself, just like, peering around, not sure about anything that's going on.

I don't really trust anyone either.

Beautiful. Trust issues seem like a good rogue trait.

Especially the mushroom. Yeah, I really don't trust the mushroom. Valid. Spores, I need to stop muting myself. Um, spores are dangerous. Okay, so I, uh, I'll sit up and I'm apparently nine and a half feet taller than everybody else. No, I'm, I'm a, a landin and I am seven feet tall, so I'm significantly bigger than at least two of you.

Uh, low gear. You, you're an elf or what are you? Ling Okay. Yep. So I'm, I'm huger than everyone else. All right. Um, [00:12:00] he's got like a, almost like a reddish color, like orangeish reddish color to his hair, um, or like to his fur. And then his hair is more of a, like a blondish, yellowish color, kind of like, like this little icon.

Um, and he is in like full female. Um, he has a great ax and a great sword crossways across his back. Um. He has options, depending on what mood he's in, um, yeah, and he just sits up and he goes,

looks around, doesn't see anyone, and then looks down, and, oh, well, I'm feeling very displaced.

Hm.[00:13:00]

Amazing. So, the one tall person amongst you, oh wait, that's not quite true, Lance, be the other tall person. Yes, so, um, a dragonborn of, uh, I guess more humanoid standard size, uh, sits up and he's got, uh, a single continuous fin that runs down his, uh, his head and down his back and, um, he's wearing some, uh, loose fitting, uh, white linen robes.

And his skin, uh, reflects any light in a, uh, shiny metallic gold color. And he assesses everyone around him and simply says, Well, [00:14:00] this is the monastery.

I do apologize for dragging you all from your homes. It wasn't I, you know, part of the grand plan, but I have gifts for you, and if you accomplish your tasks today in the labyrinth of the jungle, then you should keep them all, things you desire greatly. Please, enjoy, and good luck, I hope you survive! And as this individual says this and completes these sentences, you, um, see the equipment laying out.

And, that Split second, at different times even, of seeing and assessing the gear is enough for this figure to disappear from sight, fading back into the shadows and becoming nothing more visually to you all. And there in front of you is a pile of various bits and pieces, a glaive [00:15:00] here, a couple of other items here and there, um, and the, that whispered promise that if you survive the Labyrinth of the Jungle, you'll get to keep these things?

And then you look around and you're like, you don't know these people. What, what, the game? If you have any questions, or you would like to roll any checks or anything like that, this is a great opportunity for folks to get a little into that. Or, if you would like to peruse the gear, um, you can go into your inventories and go ahead and equip Those individual items we discussed.

I will go and pull the greatsword out of the pile. And then, like, look at my other greatsword and, like, put that in the pile. And then, like, put the nicer one in my So, [00:16:00] withdrawing a very well made greatsword, and depositing a slightly pitted, slightly older, slightly beaten greatsword into that pile, you all can see that there are two greatswords.

I see a ring that, uh, resembles a skull and it's called to the touch. Walk over and pull that out and take it to the side. Boop. I run in head first and dive into the middle to try to find what I want. Boop. Roll a Dexterity Saving Throw as you dive into a pile of sharp potential things including a giant greatsword that was rusted and pitted.

Forgot about that part. You're gonna be diced mushrooms is what you're gonna be. [00:17:00] Mushrooms need a tetanus shot. Does a tetanus shot get a tetanus ring? So wait, what am I rolling? Since I get the first roll of the gunshot. Dexterity Saving Throw. Buh buh buh bum! A save, that's right. Dexterity. Oh, by the way, uh.

Saving throw. For fun introductions, everybody has DM inspiration to start. How I run that is in, you know, you all run it any way you want to run it, but, uh, it's a, it, you can create advantage on a, on a roll. So you can re roll a roll that you did not like and you do not need to, um, you, you cannot know the outcome of the roll.

So if you roll a three and I say, oh, you died, you can't say, well, I'm going to use my inspiration. No, no, you got to do it before I say you died. Well, I rolled a 19. Beautiful. You just slide down that blade like [00:18:00] it's a cutting board rather than the cutting edge. And you land right on top of the item that you were after.

Beautiful. Yes, it's a beautiful, uh, what is it? Eh, uh, breastplate. Uh, and it's covered in little mushrooms. Even smaller mushrooms. My brain light jumped ahead of your voice and for some reason I thought you were going to say it's a beautiful breast pump and I'm not sure why. What the fuck? Jesus Christ.

Like, that's a weird thing to be in the loot pile, but okay. Jesus. Okay, so with the armor of fungal spores upon your body, you are all set. Um, and then that leaves us with Ystra, Symtechmesh, [00:19:00] and Loki. Oh no, Loki already got, no, Loki got. Yes. Uh, as I'm like, holding my head, because I'm definitely feeling hungover, I go, excuse me, where's my, where's my, What the?

Ooh, shiny! And I grab the glaive, which is almost as long as I am. And I pull another one from my back and I go, Oh yeah, this'll work. And I drop it. So now two blades in the sharp cookie pile.

Are you sure you can lift that? Wanna find out? I like you. I got money on the lamp.

I'll take that bet.[00:20:00]

You never know. It's the wily ones you have to watch out for.

What about you, friend? I look over at the, uh, Dragonborn. Um, well, uh, everyone is, uh, apparently carousing and, uh, Getting all their various bits and bobs, uh, some technicians glaring icily at the, uh, at the foliage around them, and, uh, he would, uh, like to assess the area. Yeah, are you just trying to like, visual inspection, so like a perception check, or are you checking for dangers and assessing the probability of demise?

Uh, yes, he is looking for anything that is immediate. Roll a survival check. Aww, not the ones.[00:21:00]

Did you say it? Uh, 15 plus 3, 18. Ew. While these others have been diving into a pile of loot, you've been watching the shadows and you can see something large is moving just beyond the vines. This ornate room is just an excuse of a space, really, to say end. It's more of a gazebo, and there's something large and lumbering circling the space that you're in.

Well, um, anybody looking at the Dragonborn would see him suddenly crouch in a ready position, and uh, he begins to edge towards the pile of gear, uh, aiming to get whatever advantage he can, and uh, alerts [00:22:00] his newfound party and says, Be on guard. There's something beyond the lines.

And you do spot a belt. The only thing left, a belt and two swords. So there are two blades of dubious quality, and a very nice looking belt.

SimTech will, uh, strap on this, uh, this, this belt. scale the belt and uh, and just kind of plant himself, uh, waiting for whatever might come. In my head I'm seeing you like this dragonborn crouching down and then just like hop, hop, hop, hop over to the pile, put the belt on, hop, hop.

I'm just gonna scootch over here. [00:23:00] Just does the electric slide over to the pile. I was gonna do like the crouched moonwalk, but yeah, the electric slide better, that's better. I see this big driving board crouching down. I'm gonna try to hide behind it. Which one are you hiding behind? Uh, a tree. Well, I guess, yeah, is there anything around us to hide behind?

There's plenty of cover in this jungle like environment. You're in a clear space in what you can see now is a bit of a gazebo, but seeing them crouch down, there's plenty of spaces to hide. There's actually Let's, let's have you roll a perception check.

7 plus 3, 10. There, there looks like there's plenty of spots. There's a, that looks like a trunk of a tree right there. Trunk of a tree right there. Burry leg right there. Trunk of a tree [00:24:00] uh, I'll head towards the, uh, the closest tree and, uh, try to get a nice hiding spot. Roll a stealth check, um, if you roll.

With your rogue.

23. Yeah, you're solidly tucked into the shadow. I'm sorry, you failed. You failed at your 23. I'm sorry. At level 3. That's why I needed him to roll the perception check. I was like looking for an opportunity there, but rolled that one too high too. I'm gonna do the opposite of hiding and just pull out my new greatsword and just like, Wait,

like looking around, not super smart. I, I immediately get in front of the giant lion with my two things and I go, I'm ready.[00:25:00]

She's trying to defend me. Yes. And I, I, I like kind of very carefully, like, try to go like this, you know, shoo him backwards with my sword without hitting him. Be like, go go! I, I shall handle this. And I'm gonna slowly like, head forward and try to get a, uh, better view of what this thing might be.

As you march forward, uh, Sim hadn't shared where they had seen things. Loki hadn't shared where they had seen things. So I would like you to roll a d6. I would love for you to roll a d6, because this is about to be my favorite thing in the world right now. A d6? Yes. Oh, I think I froze. Hold on. You said a d6, [00:26:00] right?

Nope, you're good, we can see

Ha ha ha! Four! You Lurch forward with each of your fighter stance steps. Moving further, further into the vines. And the tangles, Sim, you can see that they're approaching, a shadowed figure, and looking forward into the woods. There's this really thick mat of vine, it's dead vine or something in your way, you can't see past it.

And then you feel something wet across your mushroom cap.

Ystra, would you describe for us your bear?

Yes. A giant tongue currently licking the top of [00:27:00] Mushcap.

So Bear's name is Bear. Creative. But it's spelled B H E R.

And Bear is a spectacled bear. So, which are pretty rare. But essentially is like a black bear except has cream color here. That then travels up and goes around their eyes and there's like dots on their chest. I thought you literally meant he had glasses. No, it's just he sees the bear. It's a very sophisticated bear.

Yes, yes. He's the brains of this operation. He has a doctorate in world literature. He's very intelligent. Um, but he is as you When he's on all fours, he's as tall as I am standing up. [00:28:00] So he's, he's not a giant bear, but he's about four and a half feet tall, uh, on all fours. And there's a little, it's almost like a sling, it's not quite a saddle, it's a little bit more of a sling that just kind of like sits back, piece of, uh, cloth so that I Uh, easily dismounted, and I'm not like strapped in or anything, and it's not, it's more of a partnership than Bear being, um, my mount or anything.

Bear is my long time friend.

Mushcap, something's licking you. Is it getting a taste? Are you going to be eaten?

Chew. Oh no, she did freeze. Do I [00:29:00] see the saddle on the hill? Can you see what? Do I see the, do I see the saddle on there? From where I am? Roll a perception check.

Perception.

I doubt I did. Does the bear need to roll a con save for looking at mysterious mushrooms? Probably. That'll be a whole seven. The dead brown vines right in front of you, the really short ones, are just kind of obscuring things and you reach up and you you brush them aside, or you try to brush them aside and they don't brush, but you hear Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr coming from the vines that you're trying to brush aside.

Um, I pick up my swords And I [00:30:00] don't swing yet, but I just kind of like bounce back and forth and I go, Have at thee! I'm waiting for something to attack.

Ystra, do you speak animal speak? Or do you have a Uh, I actually don't. It's just like commands and uh, me inferring what bear. I think from your lung association, this particular moan, you know what I mean? How cute. Can I keep it? Heh heh heh heh. Bear. We don't, we don't know anything about this, this

burp, pert, thing get, uh, mushroom. Uh, so, uh, I, I think if you wanted to keep it, you may have to ask its permission. BOOM![00:31:00]

And coming into your view line, Mushcup, is the face of the bear.

Oh, hello, large bear. The tongue comes out. See, I have let you live this one time, but if you lick me a thrice time, I will have to end you. Bear, bear, and I walk over and I just kind of, uh, put my hands on his side and I just go, sorry, he tends to be a little overly friendly, um, um, it, it, it can be a problem, so I apologize.

He's just, he's just generally affectionate. And I say, aren't you? And I just scratch behind his ears.

Yeah, buddy. I missed you. What [00:32:00] happened?

She's talking to this bear, the bear, the bear. Um, I want to start looking around the perimeter to see if there's like an exit or an entrance or something that hints at where this labyrinth of a forest may be. Does anybody know where we are or why we are here?

Uh, as you look around Mushcap, you can make out that it's a jungle, or you're in a jungle. Um, and you can see off in the distance a little bit, a stream that seems to come down from a jungle hill, possibly? Um, but you can make that out. Uh, anything else will require a perception check or nature check or something [00:33:00] along those lines, depending on what you're trying to find.

Uh, I would like to do A.

Nature check? Just to ascertain the nature of the nature? Or is there something specific you're hunting for here? I guess I'm just trying to understand what the, that person meant by a labyrinth of a forest. Okay, beautiful. You know, in his mind, he's thinking like, you know, like a, on a piece of paper you have, you know, so looking for like a doorway or something.

A doorway. So that's going to be a whole five. Yeah, it looks like you're supposed to run away from the stream. It looks like that's not where you're supposed to go. It's like an arrow pointing away from it. There's a bright light behind it trying to glow and like draw you to it. So you definitely don't feel like that's like not, that's not how nature works.

So it makes you [00:34:00] nervous. Um, also off in the distance, you think in that same direction near the stream, you think you can make out a large shape. And something tiny glittering in front of it, and that's just not at all interesting. That doesn't seem to be right. Um, and as you look around for other opportunities, it's just hedges of vines and it almost seems impenetrable like, it would almost be like a wall that you can't get through.

But that doesn't fit a labyrinth, like a piece of paper with, you know, tracing.

Well, clearly we should not go towards the stream, everyone. I'm very good with nature.

I'm gonna peek out. Anyone else not convinced? I'm gonna peek out from behind the tree. It's like, the guy said, uh, we get to keep his, uh, his items if we can escape here. We're gonna like his items. If [00:35:00] y'all are the, uh, best way to, like, get out of here, I say we, uh, we help each other.

I mean, and I just kind of twirl the glaive above my head and just kind of put it, uh, blade side up down into the ground like a staff, and I go, I agree, but what I don't agree with, and I kind of swing the glaive and stop it right in, or attempt to stop it right in front of the mushroom's nose, uh, and say, what I don't agree with is that we shouldn't go that way, and then I point with the glaive.

My name is Felix, and I am a warrior of the goddess, god, oh crap, rurk. Is Nobanyan a goddess or a god? I actually don't know. It doesn't matter. I was gonna say, [00:36:00] does it matter? It's gender is about to change to whatever gender you just gave it. I am a warrior of the god Nobanyan.

Who are you? If we are trapped in this place together we should probably exchange names. I am Loki. I

mean, we weren't really asking, like, what your, you know, personality type is.

We were asking for your name. Loki.

I think Loki is his name. Yep. I like to keep it Loki. Got it. Alright. Hey, I mean, that keeps things simple. Um, my name's not important. Um, but, uh, if you really gotta know I'm not [00:37:00] important. Well, that's not true, because you came I'm important, and I ended up here, and I'm pretty much assuming the rest of these heaps think they're important, so you must be too.

Only the mission is important. I'm not important. I am important. That's a whole different type of self self important. Let's go!

I want to wow you to the center of the group. Do you have a name? Yes, I am Gobo Mushkap, and I am the personal guard to the king of my land. Nice. And you, Dragonkin.

I am Santechnish, disciple of the monastic order of the Platinum Dragon, [00:38:00] follower of the Golden Path.

Literal. Cool. You seem serious. I'm very serious.

I can relate. I've also been called serious.

Anyway. And I just kind of look at Loki and I go, Oh, this is going to be rough.

Taking a lot of psychic damage over here. Short. Short people huddle up. Little ones, come over! I, I, I, I do not go over cause I, I'm one of the tallest in my land, so, I don't think I'm short. Gobo just stays where they are. Techmesh and I, we stack them on top of each other and put a transcript around [00:39:00] them.

And now there's a party of three.

And I just see it, if I can, I, I Depending on how far they are away from me, I'm going to try to put my hand on top of Bushcap's cap. And at least turn them so that they're looking towards the group, if not steer them towards us. Cause they are still two and a half feet taller than they are. Standing tall, and yet not as tall as the halfling.

Actually, not as tall as anybody. No, definitely the shortest of the group. Um, so, obviously these two guys take themselves way too seriously. But, um, I mean they can be useful, right? And, and [00:40:00] We like all the things we got. I would like to roll a perception check to see if I can hear her whispering with my kitty cat hearing.

Yes, uh, go ahead and roll that. And Ystra, you're just whispering a normal whisper, right? Yeah, I mean, I'm not like, I don't have anything that's Eighteen. Yeah, with an eighteen, you're making out enough to gather the gist of this, uh, Puddle. The two foot variety. So let's just, you know. Three foot. The two to three foot.

Larissa's four foot, so it's like Yes, exactly. It is, yes. It's the ankle biters. Yes. If I have to climb something, I can do that instead.

SimTech leans over to Felix and says, Are they talking shit? It looks like they're talking shit. I'm not [00:41:00] talking shit! You're kind of talking shit, I can hear you. No! I said you take yourselves way too seriously. Why would you whisper that if you're going to just tell them after? Because I, I mostly didn't want to make them uncomfortable.

Too late. Um, I would like to do another perception check and see if I can figure out the way to go. Okay, so you're trying to figure out a path forward? Yeah. Um, roll a survival check.

Ooh. Uh, 16. No, wait. Hang on. I'm doing it, Larissa. I'm doing it. Fuckin finally. Thank you. 21. We all get there eventually. With a 21, be Oh! Mackerel. With a 21, you, um, scan the space, and [00:42:00] SimTech had already, kind of, quartered a bit of the area, discounting it as of note. had spotted the large creature that turned out to be a bear, had, uh, Mushkap has clearly identified the wrong ways to go.

And as you're scanning around and catching that, you can see, uh, circular stones mark out a path towards the river.

I'm gonna go that way. And if they follow, then they can follow. Yeah. Uh, so you all watch as Felix kind of moves from stone to stone. Headed towards the, the waters, um, is everybody following? I'm gonna assume everybody's following. I follow, but as I follow, I'm sort of rambling. You'd be, I, I, I feel we should not go this way.

Uh, I am one with nature and I feel the, the other way, [00:43:00] you know, just kind of rambling on about how I thought the other way was better, but like still walking with him. Great. I. Climb up onto bear, and, uh, I lean over next to his ear and I go, Not like I said we should just go this way like two minutes ago, but okay.

I'll follow about seven feet behind the bear.

But I'm gonna stick, uh, The gap. Yeah. I'm not getting too close to the bear.

Perfect.

Alright, so the trail feels a little bit of aliveness to it, [00:44:00] I just, there's the hum of unseen creatures, there's a bit of that whisper of leaves brushing together, the large jungle like leaves, they make a slightly different sound than you may have heard in the locations where you are. The canopy above is dense, and it lets only these little slivers of sunlight dapple the and shifting places, the vines and moss draped over the ground.

Branches arch over the trail and it kind of creates a bit of a sense of intimacy. Maybe even claustrophobia. Like a dungeon. The air is thick and humid, clinging to your skin and making every step feel a bit heavier. Appa's uneven, there's roots twisting along it like the hands of some ancient guardians, and every so often you hear the squelch of mud as you step into a wetter part of the jungle floor.

The cries of distant birds are punctuating the background murmur. Your movements [00:45:00] feel loud against the natural quiet, especially for those of you who know how to slip around unseen and unheard. You every once in a while hear the occasional muttered complaint or grunt of exertion, exertion words. At every turn the trail could reveal something unexpected.

Fallen log, covered in mushrooms that look like mushkat. A small stream that's trickling further on, probably a tributary towards the waterway that you're headed towards. Or strange creatures, well not creatures, but their eyes, peeking at you from the distance, From the corners

untaken, the narrow corridors, the jungle that creeps in. Give way to dead ends, but, was that an animal?[00:46:00]

Loki, as you stand behind several individuals and ten feet behind the bear,

could I have you go ahead and roll a,

roll a perception check.

That is a seven.

Everything seems fine. The hair on the back of your neck is standing up straight, but everything seems fine. I'm too distracted by a bear.

A beautiful bear. Although I recommend the other end. Much prettier. I'm not, yeah, I'm not directly behind you. [00:47:00] Ten feet behind you. You see nothing. There is too much bear ass in your face.

Basically. Basically. I saw it licking a mushroom, I don't know what it's, uh, capable of.

Felix. Yes? I would like for you to roll a strength saving throw. As Loki misses a clue.

Twenty one. Twenty one? Twenty one. Your mass and strength play well for you as several vines try to kill you. Seemingly of their own volition, snap together around your limbs, and pull in multiple directions. And what should have, for a lesser being than you, ripped them limb from limb, only tugs you into a spread eagle position until you're able to pull back, [00:48:00] jerking and breaking some of the vines from their grasp, and you see them writhing along the pathway.

Slowly retreating. The path forward you look, looks clear once again, but there didn't seem to be anything in front of you in the first place. Or these vines to suddenly leap out and grab you in such a way. This is concerning. Let me turn around. Did you see that? Well, maybe someone should look out for that.

Yes. I mean, it was staring right at you, so, I mean, it just kind of came out of nowhere, but I mean, if I'm honest, I was mostly just,

mostly just kind of closing my eyes. I'm a little tired, I'm a little hungover. Honestly, I'm pretty sure this is all just a drunk dream, but [00:49:00] I think Let me know if I can do this. As I walk, I would like to continuously cast the cantrip Word of Radiance.

And like, just have it like, in a five foot bubble around me just bursting bursting bursting so that if lines try to do that again they take damage. Yeah beautiful as you as you're going through and these things automatically fail constitution saving throws so as you're doing this you just it's like a a little bit of a firecracker parade uh at the head of your your column of individuals Felix is setting off his little firecracker and you see um bits of vine that were still suddenly leap back, caught on fire a little bit, sparkling, sparking something.

It's, it's truly like the jungle has filled itself with [00:50:00] firecrackers and these vines leap back out of the path as Felix focuses on bringing forth this quick and easy spell. Um, can you go ahead and roll a The verbal forward is purring so I'm just walking along like Purring. Nice. So, could you go ahead and just roll a d6 for me?

Is it a six? Take the man out of the midway. Yeah, each time they spark, they retreat. They spark and they retreat. Um, deeper in the jungle you hear a creature groan. GROANING And Your path before you is cleared. Um, Felix, thanks for murdering a jungle creature. Whoa!

With the singular success of the paladin, [00:51:00] you come out into an open area. Uh, a space that is at the, kind of a height. And you can see that the stream that you had seen off in the distance actually comes down below you. Heh. You're standing at the top of a cliff face, and below you, you can see a swirling vortex where that stream is being underground.

Uh, it winds its way back into the distance, and you can see that there's multiple little, uh, waterfalls or tributaries, each of them glow a slightly different color. And you can make out this open valley in the jungle. Um, whatever this winding pathway has been is, is no more, because before you is this valley.

And To the far end of the valley, off to the, let's call it the, the northwest corner, you can make out a small platform. It looks similar to the gazebo that you left, um, but from this distance you [00:52:00] can't tell more than that. There appear to be two distinct ways of traversing the, the valley. You could, uh, Work through a little bit of jungle, but then it's kind of open plain space with some cover and such but fairly fairly open and To the south you could traverse through the what you've been dealing with the jungle there's more jungle a couple of open spaces, but There's definitely some traversing up and down cliff faces to make your way.

What looks like it feels like the long way around But what catches your attention is on that long way around, you can make out a very large shape on top of a cliff. And next to that large shape is a small, I think it might be a living being. Glittering and moving, and if anybody would like to see if they could figure out more, roll really [00:53:00] high perception checks.

I'm gonna sidle up next to him. Kevin. And based on the fact that I'm sitting on Bear puts me almost as like as tall as him. And I just, but I, even when I go to like clap him on the back, it's still like under his shoulder blades. And I go, nice job, kitty cat. And then I go, wait, what's that? And then I try to roll a perception check and see, see what you're talking about.

Roll that perception check. Ooh. Um. I also got a 7. I wrote a 22. What'd you get, Lance? A 22. 21! We have two 22s and a 21. Jeez Louise. Um, that's brilliant. So if you pull up the map [00:54:00] space again, you'll be able to see that off in the distance, Across the, there's, there's where you are with bear and then, and that's on the, um, Eastern side, the far right side of the map.

Uh, but if you look over to the, um, to the west, those of you who rolled so high, please don't move my sphinx. You can see a, I was just trying to click on it. It was me, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. You can see a sphinx, here. You can see a sphinx, and for those of you who rolled the 22, not just the lower 20 number, you can make out, fairly distinctly, a little tiny dragon, and they appear to be engaged in conversation.

The dragon appears to have butterfly like wings. But you can see the area and what I'll do [00:55:00] is I'll scribble on my page here. Um, let's go with purple. Pathways you can see are this long winding pathway that takes you up and down cliff sides and through lots of woods and forests, which would take you near them.

Or, let's go with a different color. Let's go with the yellow pathway. You can take the slightly less problematic pathway

And come to what looks like the end goal over there. So either way you would get to that end spot. Um, but you can see that there's two options and pathways. Um, third option would be to swim. So let's go ahead and do some blue. You could jump off the cliff face into the water. And swim, then walk. I'm going to erase those now.

Last time we jumped into the water with you, some kind [00:56:00] of weird, abysmal horror, abysmal horror, like, came out and tried to kill us, so I'm gonna not do that. Yeah. And then when I healed it, it imploded and died. Um, so. Are you saying when I offer water, you don't trust that? I'm saying I never trust you, but that's okay.

You're the DM, I'm not supposed to.

Does anyone else see that little dragon arrow? I don't see anything. It's very bright. It's next to that big, uh, big thing. There's another little thing. I see better at I see better at night. It's very bright out. I don't see anything, I just see things and tall people in front of me. Is, is Mushcap anywhere near me?

Like in order? Like Did they happen to, like, walk [00:57:00] up next to me?

Sure. Muscat? Yeah. I'm gonna attempt to grab them by, like, the back of their collar, and yank them up so that they're sitting in front of me on bare. The whole time I just, I don't actually stop her, but I go, Unhand me! This is uncalled for! I shall smite you! I mean, you said you couldn't see, so As soon as, like, now I can see better, I go, Oh!

You will find out. Loki. I can. No big deal though. Don't test me. Well, I see the big thing. I see that it, it definitely looks like some sort of sphinx. Um, uh, should we go this way or that way? Do you want go check that thing out Or Sphinx way or No? Swings. I mean, if we go this other way, we might just be [00:58:00] able to get out.

I don't,

let's pull the group if you want to. I guess ghosts speak with a sphinx, raise an appendage. I raise an appendage. D DM? Yes? So, as a player, I know a lot about sphinxes. Uh, what would my character know about them in the world? Let your character know all that you know. Maybe you took a course in the monastery and you know everything that there is to know about sphinxes and all the conflicting and Incorrect and correct information is all there jumbled together I'm just gonna be like, I heard they don't have noses.

Roll a history check and I'll give you some specific information Did I [00:59:00] mention my intelligence is 8? History, history not good. Didn't but I love that. Dump stat forever. The dump stat for paladins. 18 minus 1 is 17. I'm not a smart man. Also, another low intelligence character. Did everybody dump intelligence?

Just curious right now. Um, you, as you, Yes. As you, uh, try to think through, um, you hadn't heard of many options. times that a sphinx would be in a fey realm which is the only thing you can think for to describe this space so the primary connection that you could see of fey realm Seeking out a Sphinx would be those riddles.[01:00:00]

So yes, uh, I think overall you, you are very much aware of what a Sphinx is. One that would agree to serve the Fae? It's a little fishy. Uh,

SimTech pipes up and he says, Well, uh, Sphinxes have been known to provide Cryptic answers to questions you ask them. Though, why there would be a Sphinx here of all places, I couldn't say.

I mean, when I just kind of look around at everybody, does anybody have a burning question they want answered? I do have to say, the other way looks a little [01:01:00] easier, but then again, maybe it's too easy? I don't know. For one, I would like to know why we're here. And how to leave. To the Sphinx then?

We can figure that out from the Sphinx, and we can try.

I already voted this way. Okay.

These are just kind of slumps and he goes, okay, all right, sinks it is. And uh, she just leans over to bear's ear and goes,

did not want to go this way. So are you going to take the difficult traverse or are you going to like circle all the way around to [01:02:00] get to the swings from the long and winding road? Beautiful. Well, And I punt my sword and I go, ONWARD, LICKY ANIMAL!

Ah, so broken. Hoping it'll move. So, that's great. His name is Bear. His name is Bear. As you It's slow going. You are traversing through jungle, and as you go, you do come to the cliffside that you'll have to scale down. Ow. Will you each, including Bear, try to traverse this cliff face? Two cliff faces, technically.

But we'll just call it all one. The old fashioned way. I got some rope. Oh, good [01:03:00] call. Not the old fashioned way, with rope. Is rope the old fashioned way now? I would imagine it's pretty old fashioned. Uh, so yeah, you begin to traverse down the first section, uh, I would love for each of you that has a dexterity of 12 or less to just roll a, um, a check to see if you're able to climb down.

Those of you who have a dexterity of 16 or higher can choose to assist those who climb less proficiently. And roll a d20 as well for that, so um, that'll be an athletics check for anybody who's making this climb. But um, your dexterity is wired. What's that? How, like, [01:04:00] how far down is the cliff face? It's like a 30 foot drop.

Okay. Put a 30 in the middle of that. I have a question.

What's the question? Uh, is there, cause I, I was hoping to maybe do something a little different, possibly, um, is there like a, a tree, like a tall tree, like opposite of the cliff face?

Slash how far away would that be? There's

tall trees at the top of the cliff face. And then tall trees, farther away from the cliff face, like if you look right, um Are we here where Ystra is on the map now? [01:05:00] There's Come on, colors. I wasn't sure which cliff face we were looking at. So there's some trees here, at the top of this, and there's trees here at the top of this part of the cliff faces.

Wait, so which one are we trying to climb down? Both, but I just said I was going to lump them together. Okay. What, what's the distance from where we currently are to that, that pink set of trees? You can use your ruler tool and measure it. Ruler. Ruler! 30. So like 38 feet, okay. And then, where's my inventory?

Sorry, Lance and Jim. Uh, we don't normally play with maps. We usually do theater of the mind. And so, having a map is useful, but it's also full of new toys to touch. Right.[01:06:00]

The home game was Terrain. I have a lot of fun making Terrain.

Okay, nevermind. I don't think I can do what I wanted to do, so I just climbed down with everyone else. Okay. Uh, so, for me, uh, Bear and I have done this before. So I take my rope and I put it behind his head and behind his shoulders so that the rope is coming out between like his chest and his front paws and I knot it and then he sits and like stays put and I use him to steady the rope as he repels down or I repel down and then I would like to look around to see if there's something that I can tie.

My side of the [01:07:00] rope to like a very sturdy tree or like go around a boulder and something to use to like prop against and then he's gonna Like I'm gonna try to lower him down slowly by like leveraging against something. Okay So it will still be a strength check but to find a boulder of appropriate size takes you a little bit minute So other people are making their way down as you've you you repel easily with You The bear as your counterweight, holding you up, or keeping you from falling.

He's my banker. Yeah. My bear anchor. Your banker is doing a great job. And then as you get down to the bottom, it's like, you gotta hunt around and find something. It's really, there's not a lot at the base of this cliff. So it takes you a hot minute. Or, if there isn't something down there, and there's a tree up on the level that we left, At one like me signaling he would know [01:08:00] to go and like go around so that the tree is then anchoring him that way, the rest of you and he starts stumble down, make your way down pretty well overall.

But, uh, watching this bear and istra situation as they're trying to traverse the large four limbed creature down the, the cliff face, um, does give some of you pause. And I, what I'll say is that Hahaha pause, I'm using as many of 'em as I can. Uh, Loki, uh, Istra's doing the work, so good luck, Istra. Loki and Simtek, you're probably the only two who quite have the dexterity to try to offer any assistance if you would choose to.

Or you could just not. Um, it's up to you all. Yeah, I'll offer help. Who needs help? Okay. Yeah, you see Are we rolling [01:09:00] for this or are we just crawling down? So what I would love, since the two of them are helping you, Istra, Um, for your Lowering of the Bear.

Roll Athletics check. You will have advantage because you got two people supporting you. Okay. But if this goes sideways, it's going to be really fun.

Not for the bear, but for us.

What am I rolling? Athletics check. Okay, sorry. And

Twelve.

Awesome. Not great. [01:10:00] Uh, it's, it's beautiful. It's hugely beautiful. Listen. And 11 is too close to a natural 1 on the die for my comfort, so I will take the 11 plus 1 versus the natural 1. You all watch as the bear, this hefty mound of fur and claws and perpetual confusion right now dangles precariously from a harness of rope.

That looks, quite honestly, like it might have been better suited for a medium sized cow at best. Its paws flapping uselessly in the air like it's trying to swim through an invisible river. And its face, some sort of alternative between terror and resignation. The cliff face stretches far below it, a dizzying drop of rocks and scraggly vegetation.

And, you just are [01:11:00] witnesses to this. Supporting. Grunting, straining, face is getting redder and redder. Redder than a tomato at noon. Loki, you're just thinking like, is this normal? And the rope seems to be pulling you more than you're pulling it or letting it loose or what? And SimTech, you keep thinking like, no one told me the bear would squirm so much.

You're The bear, for its part, just emits a sound somewhere between a growl and a whimper, as though lamenting all the life choices that led to this moment. Its eyes roll back and forth, catching glimpses of the ground below and the awkward encouragement from those of you down below. Ystra, you yell out whatever encouragements you yell out, gesturing wildly and then grabbing the rope.[01:12:00]

As it jerks down suddenly, and somehow, miraculously, meets it, beats it, a twelve, the bear reaches the bottom unscathed, landing with a soft, indignant thwomp, as the rope loosens and it rolls free. It shakes off the dirt and humiliation, does a passable impression of a roar.

I just walk over and I untie and I go. I'm sorry, it was less dig dignant than I meant it to be, but, um, you did good. And then I turn around and go to the, I just look at the other two, the big guys, I go,

I have like zero charisma, so. The bear looks at you, SimTech, and [01:13:00] then looks to the next cliff face facing it all.

A repeat performance is just as successful as that one was, so you all do make it to the bottom of the second cliff face. Woohoo! A humiliated bear in tow. We did it! And you're close enough to kind of hear whispers of a conversation, it's not, you can't make it out. There's no way you could make it out, but you can hear whispers of a conversation.

And if someone got close enough, you might actually be able to hear what, what was being set up on top of that spire of mountaintop where the Sphinx, and what more and more of you are able to make out as some sort of tiny flying creature, um, you of you able to make out that it is truly a tiny dragon,

but [01:14:00] you can, you do think that if you got a little closer. I would like to, yeah, I would like to sneak up and, uh, try and get, like, I guess maybe like here? Ping. Do the ping thing. I'm trying to ping. Oh, is it? You're pinging. There it goes. Oh, it's just a delay. Okay. Sorry. Internet. Um, sure. Is anybody else going to join you on this, or are you going solo, or are you letting the group know that you're going to go slip up?

I'm pretty good at this whole sneaky thing, you know, I'll give it a little push. Yeah, I was going to say, Loki should definitely go. If they make it clear that they're trying to sneak, I'll probably wait here, because I'm too clanky. Yeah, I'm not going. Okay. Uh, so, can I get Loki and Ystra to roll, um, stealth?

[01:15:00] Okay. Okay. And I just turn to say, Bear, stay with the big guys. Oh dear. Uh, 12. Haha, 15. Nice. Okay, combining that, cool.

The two of you are able to slip about right here before you feel like you would just be revealed.

Go ahead and roll a perception check to see what you can hear.

You have been really inconsistent here. Uh, I got a 20. Twenty, nice. Is that natural, or added with your stuff?

Seventeen. Nice, both of you did really well, actually. The DC for that was just fifteen. [01:16:00] Um, so, cool. I wanna know what I would've rolled had I gone, hang on. Well, you have to roll twice because if you roll once, then you roll once. A four. Hilarious. Nice. There's an alternate universe where I'm like, clinkety clank, clank, clink, clank, clank.

Uh, perfect. You get close enough that you can make out pieces of a conversation, and now Ystra and Loki you can definitely say that that is a small dragon with butterfly wings. Yes. Yes. And, and they're talking to each other. The sphinx and this little tiny creature are talking. And you get the sense that they're, like, quotation marks, a married couple.

You just hear, or maybe just roommates who've lived together too long, you hear one say, So what's the big idea with your parents, huh? You couldn't have given me a heads up? Oh please, you're [01:17:00] always off in your little riddle world, oblivious to the real world. Thought it'd be nice to introduce you to my family.

Nice! Nice! You dragged them in here without a word, that's not nice, that's invasive! Well, maybe if you weren't so selfish and self absorbed, you'd want to meet my family. Selfish, I'm trying to enjoy my life here. You're the one always pushing me to be something that I'm not. Can't you just accept me for who I am?

Accept you? You're a lazy, self centered creature who spends all day getting high and playing games. I'm trying to help you to grow! Grow? I'm perfectly happy the way I am. You're the one who needs to grow up and stop trying to control me. Fine, be miserable, but don't come crying to me when you're alone and lonely.

Oh, wait, fine. I've been alone for centuries. You're the one who can't handle being alone. Oh, [01:18:00] really? Well, maybe if you weren't so irresponsible, you wouldn't have lost track of time and left the lair open. Remember when your little fey pet Redown got eaten by that rock? Oh, oh, that was an accident. Things happen.

Yeah, well, maybe next time you'll think twice before you get so high you forget about your responsibilities. I just turn to look and I go, mouth the words, wow. Eyes wide. Wow. Um, and I, uh,

I'm, I'm, I'm gonna go

and I Mime you stay here. To him. Uh, and I'm just gonna [01:19:00] stroll up and go, Ahem, ahem, uh, Excuse, excuse, excuse me? Oh! Oh! You didn't I'm sure she did. Hmm. Hello. If you answer my riddles, I'll allow you to pass. Uh, uh If my feelings can put up with it, or just die, jump into the water, who cares? I don't care!

Are you okay? Somebody brought up a really sore subject recently, and I'm hurt. Well, I'm sorry. Ugh, I know it was a low blow, I really shouldn't Ugh, shit. The little fey dragons just start circling in the air, like, pacing, but flying. Um, I was just wondering if you could maybe tell me [01:20:00] how to get out? I just, I just need directions, I don't even necessarily need to get by unless the way out is that way.

You need to pass the riddle to be able to go through the portal to the next stage. But I don't think it's worth it right now. I don't think you need to deal with this. Just go back the way you came. And just Are

you sure you're okay? No! Is there anything I could do that would make you feel better?

You can't even handle one visit from my family! You hear the tension, or you feel the tension increasing. And I would love for you, with your, um, [01:21:00] supportive words, to go ahead and roll an insight check.

Unnatural 20.

You can coax the Sphinx into giving you

the information you need, probably. You could probably wheedle it through there, but you see an opportunity here. Clearly, there's a dysfunctional relationship. No. And chances are, based on your skills, how you've interacted with the world, even your relationship with Bear, you can fix this. And if you can fix it, maybe they'll just let your group through.

It's a slim, slim chance. Certainly [01:22:00] try. Um, well, listen, maybe, maybe I can help. Mediate and, and, and we can get to the, the, the root of the problem and we can help you. Uh, you know, I can help you mo both move past this.

Oh, what, what, what, what does that mean? And then you hear the sharper tone of the, the Barry Dragon. Don't think anything, anything's gonna fix this. It's too late. It's over. Oh, okay. I, I hear you. But can you maybe try saying. With a little bit more, uh, uh, concreteness, what it exactly is that you need. Not necessarily that you want, what is it that you need from, and I just kind of gesture towards the Sphinx.[01:23:00]

Roll a persuasion check.

Don't forget that you have DM inspiration still, you've not used. Uh, um. I don't need it. 25. I don't need it. 25 here. Okay. Um, are you sure you rolled a level 3 character here? I have a plus 6 to persuasion and I rolled a 19. I know. That was a low blow. And I just need you to understand that if we're going to make this work we have to like, I can't change you.

Oh. I, I want to change you but that's not, I don't want to change you because I don't, I love who you are.[01:24:00]

Uh, you know, you're right, I've been selfish but I, I, I'm trying to change, I'm really trying. I know honey, I know it's just sometimes it feels like you're slipping away, like you're not really here with me. A promise.

Promise. We'll try harder. Maybe we could spend more time together, just the two of us. No riddles, no smoke. Just us. That sounds really nice. But remember, I want you to be happy. Don't change just for me, just be yourself. And you should try to relax a little. The whole perfect relationship thing is stressing you out.

Yeah, you're right. [01:25:00] Maybe we should just go with the flow. And with your coaching, you feel the tension easing. Speaking of going with the flow, um, My, uh, uh, Friends and I are hoping to follow the flow of the river and get by, if that would be okay with you. That way we can leave you two alone to spend the time together that you're talking about.

Uh,

yeah. How many friends are coming through? Uh, five. [01:26:00] Four humanoids and a bear. Three humanoids, a mushroom, and a bear.

Two humanoids, a dragon, kin, a mushroom, and a bear.

One humanoid, a lion, a mushroom, a dragon, a lion, and a bear.

Just roll a persuasion check with advantage because you're, you've been coaching and de escalating their battle. The iterations on this raise a little bit of a level of concern. Oh no, where did my die go?

Second one was a natural 28. It's a 26. What? Oh, crap. The first one was a 17, so it wouldn't have been much worse. Okay, with a natural 20, they do get grant you permission to continue on the pathway. Along with [01:27:00] that comes, from the Sphinx, watch out for the goblins. Thank you, that's very kind. That's very generous of you.

They're just there. I think you guys have a very bright future together.

So saying, the two creatures, um. Each in their own unique, special way, begin to fly off over the jungle.

I'm gonna yell out to him, you make a lovely couple! You get a, a, a giant sphinx pop wave.

So yeah, uh, Loki and Istra, you were the two who witnessed and were engaged in this little thing here. [01:28:00] Um, The rest of you have no idea what's going on, but you do see the sphinx and the fairy dragon fly off. We're

going back to, uh, keep them.

Let them, uh, catch them up on what just happened.

As everybody kind of goes by, I go, They said something about goblins. So, we should probably, you know, keep our eyes open.

No one? Goblins? I'm not afraid of goblins. After you. Right. I'm just gonna march that way. Okay. Alright, so with, uh, Neelix taking the lead, [01:29:00] Gobo following right after. Cling, cling, cling, cling, cling. Uh, who's coming up next? Who follows? I think Jess did. Jess marched right after me. Yeah, I got Gobo right after.

I'm ten feet behind the bear. I was gonna bring up the rear so you didn't have to stare at bear ass again. Oh, okay. Too bad, he's Even further behind. Intent. Um, that, I'll place Symtech right between Bearbutt and that. That's Felix. That's fine. He would want to be somewhere towards the front of the group.

Okay, cool. So, yeah, you're within the first three. Uh, so, Vanguard marching ahead. Um, so, Felix, given that you're in the lead, Yeah. I'll have you roll a perception check as you keep an eye out for [01:30:00] goblins. Oh dear.

Unless somebody would like to support Felix as Felix is looking around for goblins. Me. I am. I'm, I'm looking, you know, he's looking high. I'm looking low. Awesome. Go ahead and Felix, roll that with advantage. Oh, first one was better. 16. 16. Great. You march along. And I'm just going to move you all in tandem here.

And right about here, as you're coming through a gap between the trees, you make out a little bit of movement as a gobloid steps forth out of the woods, and it looks like they're beginning to cast some [01:31:00] sort of spell. It's a goblin with magic. I would like to daunting roar at them. To do what? Daunting roar.

Daunting roar. As a bonus action once per short rest, creatures of your choice within 10 feet can hear you must succeed on a wisdom saving throw of 12 or become frightened until the end of your next turn. So I just want to give you, oops. I don't know if he's closing up. I'll give you this little tidbit here.

Come on, ruler. Rule for me. They are too far for that. Okay, do I have time to like, sprint up to here and then roar at him? So, not before the spell goes off. Okay. Um But you could If you would like to be sprinting up to them, I will have you roll initiative. Yes. Okay. Let's have [01:32:00] everybody roll initiative, please.

Oh! Ruh roh, Reggie. Nineteen. Uh, I got a twenty one. Woo! Sorry, that was loud. I was leading over. I heard nineteen, twenty one. Sixteen. I got an at one. Oh, no! Plus two, makes it a three total.

You had pulled out a book and you were reading. You've fallen to a puddle. I have advantage on my, uh, initiating, uh, my abilities. Okay, I'm gonna just go through names and ask you for your numbers again because I accidentally deleted everything. Um, so, Sim, what'd you have? [01:33:00] Uh, natural one. Beautiful. Best roll ever.

Felix, what'd you get? That's pretty cool. Uh, 19. 19. Bilbo, what'd you get? Uh, 12, 13, 14. Cool, I actually have the right number in for you. Ystra, what'd you have? Uh, 16. Took me a second to remember. Okay, Loki, what'd you get? 21. 21. Beautiful.

With your, uh, Rolls. That is so cool. Beautiful. Um, the Curse Spitter is currently very clearly in the midst of casting something, but as, uh, Felix begins to run up towards the Curse Spitter, [01:34:00] um, you all experience. Let's see. Felix is going to get Felix. You are suddenly hit, or you're, you might be hit, we'll see, uh, does a 17 hit just barely?

Um, you take four points of piercing damage as two goblin snipers appear across the canyon. Oh no. And does a 13 hit? Nine. Yet another one pings off. So, as Felix has run up to try to interfere with this Burst Spitter, who's, who's clearly casting some sort of spell, two goblin snipers appear out of the bushes across the canyon, across the water, and begin firing crappy goblin bows and arrows at Felix, one hitting and one tinking off their armor.[01:35:00]

Uh, Low key, at the back of the line, but with the highest initiative roll,

what would you like to do? I want to move up, uh,

the range of the short bow of 60 feet. Uh, I believe your short bow has an 80 foot range? 80 foot. Um, back bow to the side. Uh, can I move? I mean, you can hit either of these two. You have, everything is in range. Felix is just in the way.

Uh, I want to hit the curse spitter because I have, um, I'll have advantage on it. [01:36:00] Perfect. If you move right here, you'll have a little bit of cover from the snipers and you can fire on it with impunity.

Alright, so I'm going to shoot the Curse Spitter with, uh, my shortbow. Okay, go ahead and roll the attack. D20 plus 6. It has an advantage. He hasn't taken a turn yet. It's the first person that's looked at the screen in, like, ages. Uh, they're both 7s, so that'll be a 13.

18 to hit? Yeah, 13. Thirteen to hit. Uh, yeah, that Let me see, double check here. That misses, sorry to say. So, like, your arrows arc through and they just skitter into the grass. The Curse Spitter's skinny little [01:37:00] creature, and it has no substance with which to hit it. Um, and you can see that these aren't These aren't, you know These are wild Untamed Gobloids, you think.

They clearly are more about attacking than about making peace. So, that arrow misses, um, and Do you have any bonus actions or movement you would like to take? Uh Just, uh, I guess, uh, bonus action hide behind the, uh Yeah, using this little rock formation here, you can easily, um, easily, easily make yourself hidden here.

Yeah. Or if you wanted to come up into the bush area, you could find cover in that area as well. Yeah. Yeah, maybe up, uh, up there [01:38:00] around the, uh, the bushes. Um, yeah. There's a few bushes here. Yeah. You would have cover from this side and front. So go ahead and roll a self check.

A little bit slow, hope there's a, uh, no lighting. Eleven!

Cool. No one? No one? Wow. You seem fairly well hidden. You think? Uh, The gob The Goblin Curse Spitter finishes its incantation, and you see a small fireball. The And launch itself at Felix. Felix, roll a dexterity saving throw. Ruh ro ray. Roll alright. That's a [01:39:00] four. Four. This many. Four. Four? Really? Mm hmm.

Michael Michael Scott face. Wow. Um.

Okay, you're going to take Um, eight points of damage,

fire damage if you have any resistance to that, um, Felix getting the brunt of everything early on in this little encounter, and

that takes us to Felix. Well [01:40:00] then, I'm going to use my Lay on Hands healing pool. I'm gonna burn a wealth of those points to bring myself back to full health as a bonus action. Bonus action, none of that happened. But we, you watch as the holy magic courses through Felix's fur and wounds that had opened and the scorch marks that had been marked.

The arrow is pulled free almost, well magically, and the fur is regrown in moments. That's right, faith healing, what's up? Be healed! I'm gonna run up to this dude, and I'm going to attack him with my greatsword. Great, roll the attack on that. [01:41:00] 24.

24 definitely hits. Roll the damage. Oh, and

you have mastery of the graze. B. See, this is what I was worried about Larissa. Uh, so what did I do? It's just gonna hurt a lot. Uh, so go ahead and roll the damage. Two to six, damage eight, six plus four plus the four. Yeah. My rolls were shit on the three. Peace. Um, and then you get to, uh, that was a strength case attack, right?

Had, uh, yes.

Oops, I didn't mean to do that, but, um, you get to add three more points to that. So you have seven points of damage because you have Ridiculous. [01:42:00] Well, three would be eight, nine, ten, eleven. Okay. Eleven. This, this murder might be eleven. Eleven. Yes. Beautiful. Okay. Uh, yeah, your greatsword smashes down and, and, uh, It's just, you've taken the wind out of the creature's sails as it just crouches back, a bit beaten, um, and it is going to be Istra's turn, and Gobo, you're up next.

Uh, alright, um, I would like to, I do have a question, um, with the new rules. Um, Oh, okay, nevermind. I see it. I think I can still use the bonus action if I, if I cast Hunter's Mark, I can use the bonus action to move it [01:43:00] if I drop its current target, right? Yeah, if the current target drops, you use a bonus action to move it.

Okay. Alright, I am, uh, It only costs you early on, yeah. Okay. Alright, I am going to cast Hunter's Mark. Okay. On, let me go back to the map, on this one, this one, and, uh, did that go off? I didn't see it, but did you mean this one here? Yes, that one. Um, and I'm going to pull out my crossbow, take my crossbow off my shoulder and, uh, fire one bolt.

Uh, that it, because I think I only have one at the moment. Be dee dee dee be dee! Okay.

Ooh! Time for [01:44:00] neutral 20! Pew pew pew pew! Hell yeah. Alright, so I roll full damage and then another die? Ayy! There it is!

Yes. Okay. Roll your damage and then Wait, so one of them is full. And then I roll another die? Can't remember how we do the I haven't had a natural 20 on a damage die. You roll the dice twice. Or you can just double up one of the rolls. But I like the roll the dice twice because that means you get to roll two d10s.

Six. And an eight. Plus five. Plus I have Dreadful Strikes, that's a d4, not a d, not a d6, Larissa. Okay, so I'm at 14 plus 5 is 19 plus 3 is 22, and they get pushed [01:45:00] back 10 feet.

You watch as Ben, formerly a living gobloid creature, goes flying back, their corpse limp and smashes into the column, dead. Bye Ben! Very, very dead.

Dead, bye bye Ben! Ben the dead gobloid. Uh, bonus action was used, action is used, movement? Um, stand put for now. Stand put onto bear. Yes. Okay, cool. That brings us to, uh, Bobo and Sim, you're on deck. Me! Okay, awesome. I'm so excited. Because there's some really cool new stuff I have. Um, so. I am going [01:46:00] to use my movement to go 25 feet Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Here. Yes, I can do that. Okay. And then I'm going to have out my Okay. D d d d. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Ah, new characters and all the things, all the options. Okay, wait. Action. All the things! Must do all the moves. I'm having to move my head around as you battle across the map. I was down in the bottom left corner.

I had to move my head up. Now we're all up in the top left corner. I'm moving my head over to the other side. Okay. Okay. So, I'm going to take out my, my [01:47:00] spear, and hit, what is your name, Goblin Curse Spitter, with my spear. Stabby Stabby! Roll the attack. Right. Oh my god. Wait, why do I get all these things?

Okay, great, let's just do the attack first.

21! 21 hits. 1d6. And then, 1d8. That's how we clap now. Okay.

14 points of damage. Ow, it hurts! They're looking [01:48:00] really rough. This thing also has, uh, I have mastery in my spear, so I can sap him, which means, uh, since I hit it, this creature has disadvantage on its next attack roll, um, before the start of my next turn, which it will do anyways. So it has disadvantage.

I'm also going to, because I have two weapon fighting, so for my bonus action, I am actually going to use my, um, Scimitar? Scimitar? Um, uh, Scimitar. To use that, what is your, what is your, um, So, because I have mystery in this as well. It uses [01:49:00] Nick, which means when I make my extra attack with a light property, which is what this is, I can make it.

Hold up. Are you using a special two weapon fighting because you use your spear, right? Yeah. So your spear is not a light weapon, which is what you would need to use. It's not be able to use two weapon fighting.

It's versatile, but it's not light. So like if you use short sorted and scimitar, that would be acceptable, but because you're just not with that definition. Um, you do have other bonus actions that you could use. Yeah, I'm still, so I won't do that, but instead I will, um, I don't want to do any of that. Um,[01:50:00]

I'm just, wait, so, okay. Man, I thought I was so smart with everything I did. No, it's been really smart. You almost brought this poor little goblinoid creature Okay, hold on, let me go back to You've got him on the run! Here, this is what I wanted. I thought that's what I wanted.

Ah, this is what I wanted. Okay.

So then, yeah, that's actually all I am going to do because I don't want to use this yet. Um, the bonus action, you can use it to regain. Yeah, so I don't want to do that. Yeah, don't want to do that. So that's all I do. Beautiful. Um, as you finish up your turn, that takes us over [01:51:00] to Sim. Who had that awful role that just gave you all this time to prep the most brilliant plan of all plans, right?

Um, in a perfect world, absolutely. Um, in a realistic world.

I mean, you have to kind of, plans change as people take actions. Or you plan wrong like I did, and then you gotta think on your feet. It's always good. Okay, so

measure some stuff. Oh, perfect. Alright, so, um, I'm going to move, I have 40 feet of movement so I can give her right here. Beautiful. [01:52:00] Aren't you speedy? The monks who can get anywhere? The battlefield is your oyster. Um, I am going to. take my attack, um, but, uh, I'm going to replace my first attack with Breath of the Dragon.

Um, so when I take the attack action on my turn, I can replace one of the attacks with, uh, the Exhalation of Draconic Energy in the form of a Breath weapon. Um, I will choose to do a 30 foot line, and, uh, You would watch as, uh, SimTech looks at the Sniper across the way and just opens his mouth and a line of lightning leaps forth.

Lightning? Nice. Striking down at this [01:53:00] particular individual. Um, so they DC 13, uh, deck saving throw. The end. On a fail, they take 2d4 damage. Go ahead and roll those 2d4. Let's see if I drew that long enough. This might be a longer line. So they will take 3 lightning damage. Oh, oh. I swear it's so bad. What a world!

And then, as a bonus action, Uh, Sim will make an unarmed strike against the Curse Spitter in front of him. Go ahead and roll that attack. So that will be Plus 4 to hit. 17 plus 4, [01:54:00] 21. That definitely hits. And that will be 1d6 plus 2 damage. In what way is the Curse Splitter splinched by your hands, powerful hands?

It's a good pain in my hand. Plus two, so he will take seven damage. Yep. Let me know how this fool has met its fate. Uh, so Simtek breathes out his breath weapon and then just dies. Roundhouse kicks the guy in the side of the head.

Nothing crazy.

Carl Curse Splitter does what every enemy in an awesome martial arts combat scenario does and does not get back up again. Meanwhile, SimTech just [01:55:00] stands there peacefully breathing legs in a martial stance of some sort of true combat movie awesomeness, I'm sure. He's the Chuck Norris of D& D.

So painful. This action has drawn everybody's attention over here and you're all seeing all this happen and as you're paying attention to all the, the, the movement and the, uh, situation that is going on, Ystra does a 15

hit. Nope. It doesn't, they missed. My AC is 17, bitch. Damn. A goblin assassin appears right behind you and misses [01:56:00] its first strike. It goes for a second strike. Does a 16 hit. This dude who I've been having crawl down the map At the slowest pace ever, because when you're in stealth, you get half your movement gets over here just to whiff the whole thing.

And it's, it's doubling down on the Marshall movie comedy of what happened with the Curse Spitter and that it just like, not even hitting bear hide on its two attacks here. And Istra, you are made aware that there is a gooID assassin right next to you. . Uh, Alfred is going to take their next shot and they're going to shoot at the person whose lightning to them.

Uh, is the lightning still there or did it fade after the [01:57:00] breath was done? Yeah, it's just like a little like quick breath attack. Okay, cool. Um. So, as the, as the lightning, like, it's shooting its arrow in your direction shakily a little bit here, and it rolled a natural one, and you just hear the snap of a goblin shortbow.

It is going to use its bonus action to pick up its fallen comrades, crossbow, and its movement to run away. Take your bow. Thank you very much.

Alfred's not for this anymore. Alfred's out. Uh, Ben is dead. Loki, you have a running goblinoid to one direction behind you and behind a pillar so obscured from your view. But [01:58:00] you did hear some noises behind you where Ystra was standing with the bear. You hear? Um, but there is a little bit of a line of sight issue where you may not be able to actually make out what's going on over there.

And you can see that, uh, there's a goblinoid running off across the field in the distance, retreating. But well within your range.

Great. Roll that attack. Steady aim. Immediate advantage, so you're rolling 2d20s, taking the higher of the two. Steady aim. I'm gonna take a shot at Alfred. Oh yes, you've definitely hit Alfred. Roll the damage.

16 plus 6. 22.[01:59:00]

Yes. 6. So that's 2d6 that you get to roll for that. That's a 1 on the damage for the, uh, Sneak Attack with that. 10 plus the 4, that is your base plus the 1. So that Fifty. You'd Ten plus fourteen total damage.

Okay, cool. So, fourteen. Uh, that is enough for Alfred. There was nine before the sneak attack. What does this shot across the field look like that takes out the last of the two goblin snipers? Only the two pieces. All right.

Falling straight forward onto his face. The long, goblinoid nose crunching a little bit into the moist [02:00:00] jungle soil. The bow that it had just collected from its fallen comrade flying off into the weeds a few paces away from it. And all that remains from the view that you have is just a field of grass and one arrow sticking up out of the ground somewhere.

No reason, just a stake in the ground. Uh, her splitter is toast. Felix. Alright, I'm going to turn around and start to walk back, uh, like not realizing that this guy's here until I take a few steps, I'm like, oh shit, an assassin, and I'm going to guiding bolt him. Which is Roll that guiding bolt. Roll that beautiful bolt footage.

That's not even going to work anymore. That changed. They made it so that it doesn't work at all, so that I just automatically win when you do that. It's just like a wasted spell. Just call me Shadowheart. You know, [02:01:00] just roll a 5 to it. No big deal. Uh, does a 22 hit? Yeah. Yeah, no, that would, that, mm hmm. Yep.

What was it that I said last time to you when I said, does a 30 hit, and you said yes? Uh, 13 damage.

13 radiant damage, if that matters. Uh, the radiant doesn't matter so much, but this is looking really rough for our goblinoid assassin.

Anything else? Update 1 added a lot of fun bonus actions. Um, does any of these mushroom or simtech have any damage? I don't think so, right? There's some tech. [02:02:00] Okay, no, I'm good then. I'm just gonna like, move to here. Okay. Cool. Uh, that takes us to Ystra. You are standing right next to something that just got zapped by some sort of holy bolt.

It's It's not looking good for this goblin assassin. And it's next to me, not like, behind me. It's, well, it was behind you, but because it did so terribly at both of its two hits, I just assume you like are turned to it a bit so you can see it. Um. I had to make it, it has to make sense story wise. It's not behind you because it was behind you.

It probably would have gotten to stab you in the back, but something went wrong. Well, I'll do this, which is the, the, this is my usual move, dismounting from bear [02:03:00] in combat, which is I kind of do like a somersault over his head and like down that way and, uh, so whatever movement, I don't know if you want, I can consider that a jump or it's climb down or whatever.

Um, and then I'm going to. I'm going to take my glaive and I'm going to STAB at it. Roll the attack please. Uh, dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee Stabby, stabby. I remember. Okay. It has a very low plus to it though. Okay. I think when you get Wait, I think, I'm trying to figure out.

Okay. Do you have proficiency in martial weapons? I have, um, [02:04:00] Oh, it's a strength based weapon and you have lower strength. Right, but I also, I have, uh, weapon, I have, uh, what is it, what is it? Ah, weapon mastery. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, which I think lets me use my weapon mastery. That's just the mastery property, it doesn't let you use your dexterity for this purpose.

Right, I don't know, it's fine. Um, it's fine. It's a nine. You miss, but this stupid weapon No, I have to hit. It only, it's only if it hits. If your attack roll with a glaive misses, you can deal damage with the graze property. Okay. Right. Equal to the ability modifier you use to make the attack. So it's a plus one for your strength, that's the ability modifier.

So despite missing, you've grazed it such that you've actually done one point of damage to [02:05:00] this goblin. I give it the Inigo Montoya, like, cheek graze, like, whoosh! It's a bad day to be a goblinoid in this town, is what it really is. Still standing, looking like it's ready to bolt. Gobo. Mushcap. You can hear battles off back in the direction from which you came.

A glaive has been thrown. A bolt has been cast. So,

I'm going to, oops, that's not the button I wanted. Um, eighty, uh, one fifty. Let's see, so. I could get One, two, three Wait, twenty So that's twenty [02:06:00] five. Can I quickly, collectively I'd like to Go ahead. Use my bonus action to transfer my hunter's mark, because I keep forgetting. You can, yeah. Okay. Um, if I get to where I just moved Is this pillar in my view of them?

It is in your view of them. Um, if you had something area of effect wise that could be used to, like, or Like, if I were to use a crossbow, I'd do it at disadvantage. Uh, crossbow, it would get, it would get some bonuses to us AC because it does have half cover here. So, roll the attack, it will have a higher DC, but it does not change the advantage or disadvantage situation.

So go ahead and roll your attack. Yeah, I'm gonna go [02:07:00] for it. It just has cover. Yeah. Does not create an advantage or disadvantage situation.

Totally missed. Six.

Aiming over a small platform from this close. Twang. It's just too much power for such a close range situation. Um, okay. No, not that one. This one? No, not that one either.

Okay, that's, uh, I'm, uh, As a bonus action, I'm just gonna holler out and yell You're lucky I'm better with swords than Crossbows, [02:08:00] you. And that's, you know, just try to intimidate. How old is Mushcap? Because that's very get off my lawn energy. I just have to say it's a mushroom. Getting off of its lawn would make a lot of sense.

Yeah. I mean, yeah. I feel like if you're three year old for a mushroom, I don't know. Oh, so those Mike and the creepy. All right. That takes us to SimTech.

I am going to move. Oh dude can totally get there. This is insane. Monks are so I'm going to be here and then, um, so I wanted to know, is this like, can I get through like right here? Uh, yeah, it would slow you down, except it won't slow you down because of what your [02:09:00] class lets you do. So you can actually get right up to the goblin assassin from behind.

Is that your intent? Yeah. Yeah. Um, would that be considered flanking, then? Yes, it would be. Okay, beautiful. Um, so I'm just going to take some armed strikes against this fellow.

Uh, d20 plus 4. Does a 14 hit?

No. 14 doesn't hit. Alright, uh, I will take my bonus action, Unarmed Strike. Does a 17 hit? Yes, that hits. 1d6 plus 2, uh, 5 damage, bludgeoning. Shit. Just, how do you pummel this poor, pathetic, unnamed goblin assassin, because I never [02:10:00] got around to naming him. So, without a whisper of noise SimTech dashes up behind this goblin, and Donkey punches him in the back of the head.

And then begins to use his head as a punching bag. Like you see in one of those boxing gyms where the guy just hits it, and it bounces back and forth, and he just repeatedly hits it.

Until the goblin falls over. And thus, the goblin formerly known as Punching Bag fails its death saving throws for all time. And you have a clear pathway to the portal out of here.

As, uh, as he, like, runs up and does that, I'm just like

And I just kind of lean, or rather lean back to bear, [02:11:00] because I'm off of bear, and I go

With that, we are out of combat, and we are Wait, can I loot all those guys? Yes, sure. You go through and you rifle through all those pockets. You find some very interesting goblinoid things, which I will share with you at a later time. But, to wrap this up and to close out this session, because it is at the end of our session, Um, You get to that portal at the end.

Transported to This is creepy. That needs to go away. Seeing myself in a picture in a picture is creepy. Um, You hear the portal and you hear the voice from the beginning of this one. You have succeeded. [02:12:00] You have surpassed expectations and won me a prize beyond all prizes. Much appreciated! Toodaloo! Have fun!

Bye! And you start to feel your bodies fade out of this realm and back to the locations from which you came. Your new weapons and toys that you were offered in the beginning still within your possession. If you would like to, you can each roll a wisdom saving throw. If you roll a 15 or higher, you remember the entire experience and how you gained to the toy.

If you roll a Less than a 15. You've forgotten all about it, but you have a new toy. I don't remember shit. Uh, I rolled an 11, so I yell out, You have all been amazing, and I will remember you forever! And then you don't remember them at all.

You and Felix, who both forgot everything, just see each other at the bar each day. You seem familiar, but not [02:13:00] really. I rolled a nat 20. Nice! Nice! You not only remember everyone, you actually think you know how to get back there if you want to. Oh no! I was like, I don't want to go back! I'm going to incept the dream realm.

What's really funny is my My, my subclass is Fae Wanderer, and I don't remember shit.

I love the idea of somebody who's a Fae Wanderer and has spent their entire life wishing to go and never makes it. To be fair, I never asked where we were. I only ever asked where we were. Where was my bear? I like to think, I like to think that she's been there 25 times, but never remembered. Also possible.

That's what I was thinking. You fade from existence, and the place where you were, they are thick with the scent of [02:14:00] decay, of the jungle, and the distant rhythmic drumming of some sort of unseen creatures as they celebrate this. The final challenge has been overcome, the final riddles solved, or almost entirely.

You've Then safely squandered away with and then returned. That you're back in your familiar surroundings. The jungle with all its dangers and wonders faded to non memory for some of you and distant memory for others. Experiences you gained, the toys that you've earned, stay with you. And hopefully you can look forward to further adventures, because of course they've only just begun.

Thank you for joining us so much at Probability of Demise. We appreciate you a ton. We hope you find your own pod and feel free to reach out if you would like to join us for a one shot. Thank you to Lance and Jim for joining us. Yes. Thank you, Lance. Thank you, Jim. Thank you, Jim. Thank you, Patty, for letting [02:15:00] Jim.

Thanks for having me. I appreciate it. It's a lot of fun. Bye. All right. The only requirement is you got to do this. All right. Ready? Okay, bye! Bye!